


Fear

by _woollyhat (woollyhat)



Series: Fear [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Loki - Freeform, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki Feels, Loki/reader - Freeform, Warning: Loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-19
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-29 20:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 43
Words: 87,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1009861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woollyhat/pseuds/_woollyhat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your village is destroyed, your friends and family killed, and you're taken as a guest to the palace by a prince with unknown motives. The prince has only one goal, a goal that is unknown to itself; you.</p>
<p>The prince is unsure of what to do. When he wants something, he takes it. But this time, he wants it to come to him.</p>
<p>The prince's name is Loki.</p>
<p>And his only obstacle is fear.</p>
<p>Slightly AU, reader centered.</p>
<p>Oh, wow... this incredibly spellbinding story has me on the edge of my seat, and each chapter leaves me wanting more! Dear Reader is caught between two brothers, and it's clear that she's falling for Loki (and he's fallen hard for her), but will a jealous Thor ruin a promising romance? Can't wait to read the next exciting chapter!- Stephie</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Initial Fear

**Author's Note:**

> I will warn you when sexual content appears, although this isn't porn, so look somewhere else for that. This is feels (jk this is sparta)
> 
> Thanks for reading :)

The war had raged for your entire life. That was some time, when you thought about, which only made the whole thing even more horrible.

The leader of your small village had made a horrible mistake-he insulted the king of the land, Odin, and his wife Frigga. The consequences were pretty obvious; the leader of your village fled the land and Odin sent his soldiers onto you and your neighbors.

You were the result of the first hit. An unknown soldier had violently taken your mother, who was younger than you are now, and left her to die in the mess his friends had made. Nine months later you were born.

The fact that you were pretty happy didn’t help either. Your mother and stepfather loved you, they had given you a little sister and a good life. Your stepfather had educated you well, and you were more intelligent than any other girl in the village.

The only problem was that you didn’t want to get married. You didn’t want to love somebody and have children and then lose it all because of the war. The soldiers kept showing up every now and then to bring more death and evil to the village, and they would keep coming until the leader gave himself up to Odin and had his punishment, which would take a while since he was the coward of cowards.

You had a friend, Jele, who was a prisoner of war. He’d been taken as a slave in one of the many wars the army had fought, but he escaped and came to your village where he’d been made one of you. The only bad thing about Jele was that both his and your family expected you to get married.

One day you and Jele were having a good time in the outskirts of the village. You had borrowed a horse from Jele’s father and ridden out to a big field where you had run around and had fun. Now you were just sitting in the long grass, enjoying the sun and the warm winds blowing over the field, talking about every possible thing.

You had closed your eyes and leaned back against a big rock when Jele gasped.

“Look”, he said.

“What’s that?”

A lone horse was running over the fields far away. You watched it in confusion until you saw another one and recognized the way it ran. It was an old horse from a farm that lay a bit away from the village.

“Have they escaped, or are they just…”

Jele didn’t have time to end his sentence before you stood up and pulled Jele in behind the huge rock you were sitting in front of. As he looked at you, his eyes flashed with fear, and you knew he’d understood. You’d seen them, the soldiers, an army of well-trained fighters once again set upon your village. They had already been at the farm, now they were on their way to the village, and you and Jele were trapped.

“What do we do? Run?“ asked Jele, fear now showing in his entire body. As you crouched behind the rock, that was as tall as two of you and as broad as three, your mind raced around thousands of eventual plans, every new idea worse than the other. You slowly started to realize that there was no escaping, if you ran towards the village the soldiers would see you. You had to stay exactly where you were and hope that the soldiers were too concentrated on the village to turn their heads when they rode past the rock.

“Maybe if we hide in the long grass”, you mumbled to yourself.

Jele looked at you and you started a whispering discussion on whether you should lay down in the crass or crouch against the rock. The latter won and you hugged each other tightly in desperate tries to be smaller. The sounds of the army growing closer reached your ears. The muffled sound of hundreds of hooves on the soft earth, the excited yells from soldiers expecting to have a great time killing and the sound of swords being pulled out of their scabbards made your heart race. The army drew closer and closer, and you pressed your body to the cold stone that was your only protection from the army. Jele had started to feverishly tug grass from the ground in front of you and try to hide you with it. You helped him with the speed of light but soon realized it didn’t matter. The sound of the army was now deafening. You closed your eyes and bade a quiet prayer that your family was able to get out of there alive, and then the army ran right past you.

It felt like an eternity before they were finally past. All on horsebacks, the shouting men rode faster than you’d even ridden Jele’s father’s horse, all with their swords held high. When they were finally in front of you, you quickly rose and hurtled around the rock to hide from eventual people looking back. It wasn’t good to be seen now that you’d escaped once, was it?

Jele sank down into the grass beside you, on the very same place you had been sitting before. You sighed and wiped sweat away from your forehead before you turned and peeked around the edge of the stone. You shouldn’t have done so.

Twenty meters away a man sat on a horseback. The horse stood just still and the man looked at you. He was long and slender, with long black hair and pale skin. He slid down from the horse with extreme ease. It looked like he’d done so his entire life. His face was turned to yours all the time, and you realized you shouldn’t still be peeking around the edge, you should be running for your life. But something with this man made you stay.

Jele asked you what you were doing. Like you’d just woken up, you dizzily looked at him and then remembered that the soldier was probably closing the distance between you and him very quickly, since you heard his feet in the soft grass and his breath on the other side of the stone. In desperate panic, you gave Jele a look and he immediately rose. Together you silently climbed the rock, for you had no other means to escape the soldier.

The sound of iron on stone reached your ears and you lay just still and watched from above as the soldier walked around the rock to find you gone. He sighed and walked back around and then examined the places where you and Jele had tugged the grass out of its roots. You silently slid down on the other side of the rock, making sure to be quick and silent so the man wouldn’t notice you, and you hoped he hadn’t ‘cause you couldn’t see him. You slowly climbed down the rock, face into the gray stone. You heard nothing and therefore let your feet hit the ground.

As fast as you stood steady, strong arms closed around you, one around your belly and one around your head, hand placed over your mouth. You shouted out in surprise, but only a muffled sound reached out. Jele jumped down, seemingly ready to fight whoever was there, but his face showed only fear. The hand lifted off your mouth and you squirmed to get out of the man’s grip, but you couldn’t. You looked up and saw the face of the soldier who, you were sure, had just a moment ago been standing on the other side of the rock.

You couldn’t get your eyes off him. He was beautiful. His skin was pale, his hair black as the night and his eyes green, deeply green. They were fixed on Jele, who was looking hesitantly at the long sword the knight had pulled.

You squirmed once again, the man’s arm held you even tighter and Jele told him to let go of you. You heard a beating pulse and smelled a wonderful smell, so wonderful you couldn’t even describe it, and then you heard the man’s voice. It was low, chilly, and sent shivers down your spine. It was filled with a kind of danger, but it still made you want to hear it say your name.

“What’s your name?”

Jele’s scared face changed into a confused one. He answered with a shaky voice. The man that held you so tightly introduced himself, which earned gasps from both you and Jele.

“I am Prince Loki, son of Odin.”

Jele immediately sank to one knee, excusing his dreadful behavior, and the prince chuckled. You did not just hear it, but as you were pressed to the prince’s chest you felt the laugh rumble in his body. The prince continued to speak and let you go. You didn’t know what to do, run or curtsy, but the prince fixed his eyes on you and asked for you name. You gave it to him, wondering why he even cared.

“You have a beautiful name”, the prince said with almost a whisper.

You blushed but curtsied. The prince continued to explain that they were ordered to kill everybody in the little village, young and old, women and men. He begged a sorry, that almost seemed sincere, and then lifted his sword, which had hung in his hand pointing at the ground until now. Jele twitched, as though he was close to running, but the prince simply put the sword back into its scabbard and then begged Jele to run. Jele refused to run without you, but you realized there was no way out. You were going to be taken to the palace as a slave, you were sure of it. You had heard the stories about what the royalties did with the girls they took, how they either died or never came back, how they were forced to do whatever they were told.

You realized you were crying. Tears silently ran down your cheeks, and you let a sob escape. The prince looked over at you and took a step towards you. You answered by taking two steps back. Confused, Loki reached his hand out to wipe a tear away from your cheek. You hid your face in your hands. Everything came swooping down on you now. Your family was dead, Jele was going to be killed, and you were going to be a slave at the palace and the prince, the evil prince Loki that you had been told to never trust wanted you as his slave.

“Don’t cry.”

It was an order, you heard it in the prince’s voice, but the tears kept falling.

“Please, don’t cry”, Loki said, and you heard a shiver in his voice. Was it _regret_?

You heard the prince’s steps a he closed the distance between you, but all of a sudden he shouted in surprise and you heard a thud as his body hit the ground. Jele had thrown himself on top of the prince, and they were fighting with fists only. You watched in desperation, unsure of what to do.

“Stop it!”, you cried, but neither of them listened. “Jele, stop it, you’re going to hurt yourself!”

Jele, who had once been on top, was now pressed to the ground by the prince who was both bigger and stronger. Loki panted and kept Jele down with a knee to his stomach and his hands on Jele’s wrists, pressing them to the ground. Jele squirmed and pushed and tried his best to get out of the situation, then shouted at you to take Loki’s horse. You ran to the horse, which was standing alone, just still, and mounted it. You tried tugging at the reins, kicking your heels, clicking your tongue, but the horse didn’t move. You realized how incredibly ridiculous you must look, and jumped down. Obviously, this horse was specially trained. It was the _prince’s_ horse.

You jumped down and started running in the direction of the farm where the army had started. Soon you heard a deep scream and you understood that Loki must have killed Jele. Tears flooded your cheeks, but you kept running. You’d reached the hill behind which the farm lay when you heard hooves, and soon enough Loki pulled the horse to a halt in front of you.

Desperately you turned and tried running away from him, but he kept catching up on you whichever direction you chose. You stopped and looked into the prince’s eyes. They held no sign of amusement or anger, as you would have thought.

They held actual concern.

You cried frantically and sank to your knees, hiding you face once again in your hands. You heard the prince slide down from his horse and soon felt his presence next to you. He didn’t do anything you expected him to. He _hugged_ you. You felt his strong arms around you and silently gave in to his touch, letting your tears flood his chest. His strong scent filled your nostrils and you shook, sobbed and cried into him. He just held you comfortably, enabling you to feel safe, resting his chin on your head. You suddenly realized what you were doing and pushed him away, wiping your tears away. He lifted your chin with a long, pale finger and looked into your eyes. His emerald green eyes reassured you, somehow, that you were safe with him.

“Listen to me”, he said. You nodded and drew a long, shaky breath.

“I know what you think. I know what you think will happen now, what you will be forced to do, what kind of man you think I am”, he continued.

“I…”, you started, but he interrupted you.

“I will never let that happen to you.”

You didn’t know why, but his eyes, his low voice and his recent concern made you actually believe what he said. You let him pull you up onto his horse, and then you set off for wherever Prince Loki might want to go, and you were okay with it.

What did you have to lose?


	2. How to cope with tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki shows you the beauty of his world, and reveals one of his secrets.
> 
> And you cry.
> 
> A lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep... chapter two, not even 12 hours after one.  
> Expect updates around weekends, maybe during weekdays, I'm not sure.
> 
> Triggered by 3 (woo) kudos and the fun I have writing this story, I wrote chapter two. It's a bit shorter (sorry) but I promise chapters will be longer.
> 
> Heh, thanks for the kudos^.^

As the prince urged the horse forward, you felt a bit unsure of where to put your hands. At last you were forced to rest your arms around Loki’s waist, otherwise you would’ve fallen off the horse. You were pretty confused and filled up with feelings. You were afraid, very afraid, of what would happen, you were happy you weren’t dead, you were sad because your entire family, all your friends and Jele and his family were all dead, you were confused by the prince’s behavior and you were, last but not least, tired. The sun started to set as you rode away from your old life and home, of which nothing was left. You knew the king’s army; they would not rest until they had killed every single habitant of the village.

Loki tugged at the reins and the horse turned, rounding a hill. You gasped at the sight. There was a village, in a comfortable place between three hills. On the hill that lay the furthest away from you was an enormous palace. The palace’s walls shone gold in the light of the setting sun and you felt your heart pump twice as fast.

The prince laughed, a short, low laugh that you felt you would hear a thousand times without growing tired of. You didn’t understand it, but you loved this man’s voice. It was passionate and reassuring but still dangerous and mischievous, like he always knew something more. Combined with his beauty it made him kind of irresistible.

That was the problem. This man had killed so many of your friends, done so many evil things, for you had heard about them, and seemed so downright evil, but still you felt like you trusted him.

He had slowed the pace and the horse was now walking towards the village. You let go of his waist and then wondered where you should put your hands. Not until now did you realized what a problem Jele must have had when you rode, since he couldn’t ride horses half as good as you. He was always forced to sit behind you, but he never had his hands around you. You wondered how he had coped, and then you placed your hands on your knees. It felt uncomfortable, but it would be awkward to put your hands back around the prince’s belly, so you let it be.

“How are you?”, Loki asked. You stiffened at the sound of his voice, so low and careful.

“I… I’m all right, your majesty”, you answered. It felt weird, speaking to him like that, but he was indeed a royalty. The prince laughed.

“You need not use such formal words around me. For you, I am simply Loki”, he said.

 _For you_ , he said. You felt a shiver down your spine, but then remembered he had probably used those words thousands of times before. The tales about Loki and how he seduced any woman, how he used her and then disposed her like a broken toy, were told as often as possible in your village. Being seduced by Loki was the same as applying to die according to the elders of the village. You frowned at his voice begging for an answer. You were not going to give in to his games.

“I understand, my prince”, you said.

Another short laugh.

“Do you want to ride through or around the village?”

“Does it matter, my prince?”

“The eyes of the villagers are many and curious, dear. Would you like to avoid them?”

“Oh… you choose, my-“

“Loki”, he sighed. He turned the horse and made it walk towards the hill to the left of the village, which happened to be the lowest one.

You were frozen to the spot. Even though you had, moments ago, agreed not to let Loki seduce you, his words came like fists to your determination. _Dear_.

You were deep into a discussion between your heart, which wanted to let Loki do whatever he wanted to you, and your brain, which kept assuring you that your heart’s idea was stupid. You frowned when you realized that your hands had crept up and sneaked themselves around Loki again.

_‘So my body acts by itself’._

The horse reached the top of the hill, and the view earned another gasp from you. Behind the hills was the sea. _The sea_. You had never seen it, living far into the land. The prince chuckled at your gasp.

“Would you like to go to the beach?”, he asked, seemingly amused by your admiration for the water.

You quickly accepted his offer, and he turned the horse to walk down the slope instead of along the top of the hill. When you reached the water, he halted the horse and swung his leg over to glide down. You clumsily did the same, but luckily Loki didn’t notice. He was watching the sun set over the water that gleamed in the light and shone gold and orange. It was so beautiful.

“Have you ever seen the water, my lady?”, he asked.

Your response halted somewhere in the middle of your throat. Did he just call you _his lady_? Once again, doubt and fear filled your body and you felt sick. The prince turned around when you didn’t answer and his facial expression changed quicker that you blinked. At the sight of your face, he suddenly looked angry. He closed his eyes and looked like he was silently raging. When he opened his eyes, they were filled with concern again.

-          What is it? He asked. You had a feeling he knew, but still…

You felt a clump in your throat and tears started filling your eyes. Loki quickly walked over to you and took hold of your shoulders.

“I would never do that. Will you trust me?”

You weren’t even sure he was talking about the same thing as you, but you nodded.

He looked into your eyes for a long moment, and then he just took you in his arms, holding you tightly. You let him do so, neither protesting nor answering the move, silently crying into his chest for the second time today. He whispered reassuring words in your ears, words you didn’t hear over the sound of the waves hitting the shore, words you didn’t understand because of your brain’s feverish tries to get you to understand that this was _bad_. You didn’t understand why it was bad.

“Listen to me”, Loki said.

You just cried on, not in any way showing that you’d heard him.

“You will be my guest at the palace, and I will treat you thereafter. If anyone finds out that you are supposed to be dead, I will be severely punished. I’m willing to take that risk, for you.”

“I don’t want to live”, you sobbed into Loki’s chest. He held you tighter and sighed into your ear.

“You’re just like your mother, did you know that?”

You froze. Had he just said that? What did he mean?

You pushed him away, feeling simply scared. You took a few steps backwards, but his eyes were locked to yours and kept you from running.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I did not- I’m sorry!”

 Loki’s voice was filled with panic. He tried to take a few steps towards you but you backed away from him, fear filling you up.

“It’s not what you think”, Loki whispered.

“Then what is it?” You were surprised your voice was so steady and fierce when you felt like your insides had melted.

“My father was your mother’s best friend. They spent so much time together, and when I was young she came to the palace, invited by my father. She was pregnant, with you. I was so young, but I remember her beauty. My father was raging. He had the man who made you-your father- and… had him killed. Since then, I’ve never seen your mother at the palace. Today, I was allowed to lead the soldiers to complete victory, but when I saw you…”

Your tears fell in silence. You stood there and watched Loki, the man you feared, tell such a story. He can’t be much older than you. A few years, maybe… Loki continued, now with a slight smile.

“I think my heart stopped when I saw you.”


	3. New Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally arrive at the palace, after meeting a certain brother of Loki's.
> 
> You realize you actually like your new home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! It's the longest so far, but I realized I don't have to make super long chapters. It might as easily bore you O.o
> 
> This chapter is pretty uneventful, sorry about that. I need to get all these things told so I can start the real thing.  
> God, I know exactly where to go, just not how xS
> 
> Thanks for the kudos!
> 
> ^.^

Your heart was now beating at a dangerous speed. Had Loki just said that?

 _I think my heart stopped when I saw you_.

“You’re so beautiful. Just like your mother”, Loki said. You looked at him in disbelief, eyebrows higher than the towers of the palace that towered in the distance.

You were going to tell him that you didn’t believe him, but you were interrupted by the sound of hooves on sand. Loki turned his head and his eyes widened.

“Come here”, he said sharply, and you obeyed without thinking. Loki swung himself onto his horse and pulled you up, then turned the horse and clicked with his tongue three times rapidly. The horse immediately started galloping and you almost fell off. In shock, you held tightly on to Loki’s body.

You turned your head and saw a single horse with a large man upon it following you. The man had long, blonde hair and extremely much muscle. He urged his horse on and Loki grunted as he heard the man’s voice calling his name.

Loki turned the horse and you now rode up the hill. Loki muttered something about not being fast enough and told you to stay on the horse before swiftly jumping down and standing in front of you.

The big man rode up the hill and came to a halt before you. His bright, blue eyes scanned you, and you felt almost like he could see into your heart. You looked down into the mane of the horse, unable to speak.

“Brother”, began the man.

“What is it?” asked Loki with a worn voice, like he had had to put up with this throughout his entire life. It hit you that he probably had, since the big man seemed to be his brother.

Wait. _Brother_? Was this… _Thor_? Loki’s brother, Odin’s son? They looked so different!

“Why did you run from me?”

“I did not run, I rode.”

You held back a giggle.

“Well then, why did you _ride_ from me?”

“Because I do not want to hear what you are going to tell me.”

“And what am I going to tell you?”

“That I should not do what I’m about to do, that it is against orders, that I should not act like a fool, that-“

“Brother, I would not keep you from what you think is right. I just wonder why?”

He emphasized the last word like Loki had hurt him. It hit you that maybe he had.

“I will not further discuss this with you”, Loki said, and with that he turned around, swung himself onto the horse in front of you and clicked his tongue.

The horse swiftly started moving along the top of the hill at a fast pace. You were about to ask the prince about the meeting with his brother when he answered your question for you.

“I’m sorry about that, my dear, but I just cannot understand why my brother continuously needs to tell me what to do he has done so since we were very little. I have many times acted only to irritate him, because he is so irritatingly right. He always chooses the right thing. He knows you are one of the villagers as well. He thinks I’m not going to get away with this.”

“Why wouldn’t he let you make your own decisions?”, you tentatively asked.

“Because I always choose the wrong way”, Loki sighed.

You were riding along the perimeter of the village, closing in on the palace placed on top of the largest hill. A long cobblestone road led up to the huge front doors, and you shivered as you realized this would be your new home.

For where else could you go? Your village was probably burned to ashes, all your friends and your entire family were dead, you were young and lost and this man, even if he was evil, offered you help. You had no chance of surviving on your own, so what would you do? Just die?

_Maybe that’s easier. Maybe it’ll relieve the pain. Maybe I’ll get to see mother again…_

“Can you hear me?”

 Loki’s voice cut through your thoughts.

“Yes, excuse me, my prince.”

“I asked you if you’re hungry.”

“Oh. Well, yes.”

It had been hours since you left the village with Jele, and even then it had been hours since you ate. If the trip to the palace took an hour, you guessed you had been without food for about seven hours.

“I will have food sent to your room, then.”

You only gave a small sound as an answer. The palace grew nearer as Loki guided the horse up the hill towards the big doors. You noticed that to the left, a big garden lay. It had hundreds of trees and bushes and was enclosed with a low hedge. Even from this distance, you could tell it was beautiful.

At last you reached the doors, but instead of getting in Loki turned the horse to the right, following a smaller path to what would be a stable. It was a building bigger than your house, and inside was one big room, dimly lit with stalls tracing the walls. Many of the stalls were empty, but almost a third was occupied by big, beautiful horses. Loki stopped beside a big stall, gliding down graciously and helping you down. He led the horse in while you took in the surroundings.

The stable was big, bigger than it looked from the outside. Your house would probably fit three or four times inside. The flickering light from lanterns, hanging every tenth feet along the wall, filled the room and made you think about cozy nights in front of the fire with a good book.

You followed Loki through a smaller door and emerged in a corridor, dimly lit by torches and lanterns. Loki took a left and walked on, not saying a word. You followed, soon walking past the front doors. Suddenly Loki stretched his hand out and pulled a small tapestry to the side, revealing a hidden staircase. Loki let you walk before him, and as you climbed the narrow stairs you wondered where it led.

You emerged on a landing that was hidden behind another tapestry. Feeling courageous, you pushed it away and saw another corridor, better lit and with different decorations around the walls. You peeked out through a window and realized you probably were on the top floor. There had been no other exits while you climbed the long staircase.

“Do you enjoy the view?”

You jumped at Loki’s words, for they had been spoken mere inches from your left ear. Loki excused himself for frightening you, insisting he meant no harm. You hadn’t heard anything while he crept up behind you.

_Of course he’s good at sneaking, it’s Loki we’re talking about. Big, bad Loki._

You sighed and asked Loki where you would be living.

 _Servant’s quarters?_ Your brain suggested. Loki seemed to be thinking for a while, then he simply said:

“I will find a room for you.”

You turned around to throw one last, longing gaze at the beautiful village, the sea and the hills, behind which lay your home, or at least what was left of it. You shuddered and followed Loki, who was waiting a bit away, eyes fixed on you. There was something in his eyes that you just couldn’t describe- was it regret, or anger?

Loki stopped outside of a big door, telling you to stay outside as he swiftly walked inside. You heard him call someone’s name, and then there was only silence.

You waited for what felt like an eternity- you even found yourself missing Loki, missing the warmth of his body against yours on the horseback, his beautiful eyes, his silent understanding. All the same, you wondered if what he said to you was real. It had seemed sincere, of course, but how good wasn’t he at lying, being who he was? He had probably uttered those words to hundreds of women before you, just to gain their trust and love.

 _‘Worked with you, apparently’,_ you heard a tiny voice inside your head say.

‘ _Really?’_ You asked yourself. ‘ _Now?’_

 _‘Don’t you trust him? Don’t you love him?’_ the tiny voice asked you.

_‘Trust, yes. Love…?’_

Your thoughts were abruptly cut off by shouts from the other side of the door you were standing by.

“Well then, do it, but you know it’s wrong!”, a deep, manly voice boomed. You imagined the owner being an old man, with power and wisdom. You heard Loki’s voice fiercely answering;

“What do I do? Throw her out? She has nowhere to go!”

“You shouldn’t walk around picking up homeless people!”

“I do what I want!”

“You’re just like your mother, did you know that?”

The last sentence was said with a calmer voice, but wasn’t answered. You heard footsteps and a second later, Loki walked out of the door. He waved for you to follow and stalked away through the corridor. You followed him, nervous to what he would do. Before you could say anything, Loki started talking.

“Just like my mother, really, could he sink lower, that…”

The rest of the sentence faded away in a murmur. You were unsure whether he expected you to answer or not, but apparently he was talking to himself, for he continued to mutter.

You tried to keep the count on how many times you turned and walked through secret doors or down staircases, but you forgot. Right, right, down the stairs, left, left, left, more stairs, right, secret door…

At last you came to a halt, outside a smaller door. Loki opened it, managed a smile and held his hand out to invite you in. You stepped inside the room on shaky legs, looking around as you did so.

The room was large and airy, beautifully decorated with light gray walls and one big window. A bed was positioned against the far wall off the door, with white bed sheets and canopy. To your right was a smaller door, and by the right corner of the bed was a small wooden table with room for four and matching chairs.

“Do you like it?” Loki asked, strolling over to the wall with the window that also had a fireplace. Two big armchairs were set in front of it, on a big, wool carpet, also white. You answered positively and then walked over to the far corner of the room that had a big bookshelf. Despite the fact that you had read a lot, you had never seen so many books in one place. Your parents always bought you the books, knowing you loved them, so you’d never been to a book store.

“Oh. I suppose you like reading?” Loki said, his voice low but pleasant.

“Yes, my prince”, you answered, enchanted by the books.

“You may read as much as you like. There is a library on the bottom floor”, said Loki.

You pulled a book out of the bookshelf and walked over to the armchairs. The fireplace had a crackling fire inside it, one that pleasantly filled the room with light and warmth. Outside the window, the sky was dark and filled with stars. You would have loved to just sink into the book, but Loki kept you from doing so.

“I’m sorry I’ve been acting so rudely around other people. It is just that the people I’ve met today all seem to think of me as a child, unknowing of what to do.”

“You seem rather grown up to me”, you said, now deeply immersed into the book’s first chapter.

Sigh.

“I should get you some food”, Loki said and rose from the armchair he was sitting in and walked over to the door.

By the door, he turned and looked at you. You made yourself tear your eyes away from the book and looked backat him.

“If you need anything, just ask a servant. They walk all around the palace. I’m in my room on the fourth floor”, he said, and then walked out.

You sighed, happy to finally be alone.


	4. The tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... A touch of Loki feels. The sea. Thor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're gonna love Chapter 5.  
> I hope...  
> I loved writing it. I'm sorry the beginning has been so dull, but I need to get that going. As I said earlier, I know exactly where to go, just not how to get there... I'm getting better, kay? I'm a newb.
> 
> E-L-E-V-E-N kudos! Omg! I didn't think I'd reach three! #overreacting #itsjusteleven #lol
> 
> Thanks, as always, for the kudos, guys ^.^  
> Feedback is fantastic as well, a single comment helps a lot! (Even guests (non-members) can comment, so please, take the extra minute! If you do, I can make the story better with help from your feed back! :P
> 
> Chapter 5 will come soon (due to the fact it's already written...), so hang on! ^3^

You had almost read three chapters when a short knock on the door disturbed you. You were unsure of what to do, so you rose, leaving the book in the armchair, and walked over to the door. When you opened it, you saw a servant holding a large tray of food. The smells your nose caught together with the sight of all the food made you realize how incredibly hungry you were. There was food you’d had before and food you’d never seen, for instance a large mug of steaming, dark liquid that smelled sweet and fruity. You reached out your hands to take the tray, and the servant let it go, then curtsied and asked if there was anything else you needed.

You frowned, feeling confused; why would she curtsy to you? You were just like her, no royalty in your blood. Then you remembered what Loki had said.

 _You will be my guest at the palace and I will treat you thereafter_.

That must mean the servants would do so as well. You said “thank you” and the servant walked away; just when you’d seen her walk around the corner at the end of the corridor, you remembered you should have asked for directions to the library. If anything, you would at least like to read.

You put the tray down on the table by your bed, went back to the armchair to collect the book, then sat down on one of the chairs, which were more comfortable than they looked. You took a bite of the bread on your tray and closed your eyes, savoring the moment. It was the sweetest bread you had ever had, and now that your stomach had really started working, you couldn’t resist matching the bread with the sauce.

You poured some sauce on your plate, dipped the bread in it, and quickly lifted it to your mouth. The taste was wonderful; a bit salty from the sauce but perfect combined with the sweetness of the bread. You opened the book and leaned it against a big bowl of fruit ~~,~~ so you could read while you enjoyed the food. You had never had better food, let alone the opportunity to read while eating, so this was the perfect moment for you. Good food, a good book and a crackling fire in the background. Perfect.

The dark liquid in the mug was some kind of tea, but it wasn’t like the tea you’d been drinking. It was sweet, fruity, and made you think of sweet fruits and warm days.

When you had finished eating, you were simply too tired to care about anything so you undressed, hung your clothes over a chair, and then slipped under the sheets of the bed. ~~~~

You fell asleep as soon as your head touched the pillow.

* * *

You were woken up by a knock on the door. You just wanted to dig your face into the pillow, but dragged yourself up with a moan and searched for something to wear. Finally, you pulled the shirt you wore yesterday over your head and opened the door.

Two servants, both older than you judging by their wrinkles, stood outside; one was carrying a box and the other a nervous smile.

     “Can I help you? you asked tentatively. The women nodded and one of them explained that Prince Loki sent them to get you clothes. You shrugged and let them in.

 _‘_ _He really cares about you._ _’_ The tiny voice again, this time working for Loki. You closed the door behind the women idly wondering if you were going mad.

The women wasted no time in getting your measures and soon enough one of them left, mumbling numbers to remember them as she had measured your entire body and you assumed she was on her way to get you clothes. The other servant asked you how you would like to spend the day. You asked her what she would recommend.

     “Oh, miss, I do not know. I have never- never done anything else than serve,” she said nervously, wringing her hands, “but the princes often spend time in the library, reading, or practicing in the armory, my lady”, she continued.

     “I see”, you said, thinking that you should go to the library.

The other woman returned with a tray with breakfast and a pale ~~,~~ pink dress for you. You thanked her and the servants left you alone, taking your dinner tray with them.

After quickly dressing, you ate your breakfast cherishing the taste of it. You wondered who could cook so magically well, but then you remembered you were in a royal palace and that they probably had the greatest cooks in the land.

When you had almost finished breakfast, you heard another sharp knock on the door. You said “come in,” expecting it to be another servant, but then when you turned your head you saw who was standing in the doorway. You gasped and rose, quickly swallowing the bread you were eating, and curtsied deeply.

In front of you stood Prince Thor and somebody who could only be his father, with the same blue eyes and build. Your suspicions were confirmed when the man introduced himself as King Odin.

Not knowing what to say, you stayed in your curtsy until Prince Thor told you to stand straight with a short laugh. You stood up and examined the men before you: about as tall as his son, Odin was a seemingly old man with a large, but not long, white beard and eyes that made you feel like you were being looked through. His son, blonde haired with a considerable amount of muscle, leaned on his left leg with a rather fidgety expression on his face.

Odin smiled and asked if you had had a good night. You recognized his voice from yesterday; hadn’t he been the one telling Loki that taking you in was wrong, yet now he stood in front of you, asking about your night?

     “I slept very well, thank you, your majesty,” you said. You noticed a tremor in your voice, swiftly followed by its mate: butterflies in your stomach.

     “That is good. My son has a heart bigger than his horse, even if he is bad at showing it.” Something with Odin’s voice made you feel he was a very good father.

     “I am very happy to be here, your majesty. I do not know what I would have done if Prince Loki wouldn’t have helped me,” you heard yourself say.

     “Wonderful! Now, I myself have duties to attend to, but my son would be honored to show you around,” Odin said with a smile.

For a moment, you looked around to find Loki, then you realized Odin meant his other son, Thor, who was at the moment gazing into the ceiling. He almost looked shy.

Odin winked and left the room. You couldn’t help but feel awkward. Thor was still staring stubbornly into the ceiling. You cleared your throat and he flinched, jerking his face down to look at a point next to your right ear.

_‘_ _Well, this works fine. He doesn’t want to talk to you._ _’_

     “My prince…?” You tried, but he wouldn’t look at you. Then, finally, he spoke.

     “I’m sorry; I was captured by my thoughts.”

You wondered what was wrong; you felt he wasn’t telling the truth, but you had a feeling he wouldn’t give it away for free either, so you tried another approach.

“Would you show me the way to the library, my prince?”

 

“Of course! Do you read much?”

Finally, he relaxed. You kept the conversation going, sometimes asking him questions about the palace, life as a royalty or even his family, and he answered happily. Sometimes, he asked you, and you answered truthfully; after a while, you reached the library, but didn’t stop there. You memorized the doors to come back later, then followed Thor to the great hall where feasts and balls were held, and to the smaller dining hall where all the meals of the day were served. Servants were already preparing for lunch when you walked by, and you wondered what time it was. Had you slept for so long? It had felt like early morning when you woke up.

Eventually, the subject of the conversation turned into love.

     “Have you ever been in love, milady?” asked Thor with interest in his voice. Unsure of what to make from the question, you simply answered that you had always been in love with your books, and never had time for men.

     “How about you, my prince? Any lucky girl out there?” You said playfully. Thor explained that he loved a girl who would never be his, for she was already taken, but she had loved him once. It hurt you to see how sincerely unhappy the prince was, and you quickly changed the subject.

When Thor was guiding you back to your quarters, you realized he was easy to talk to. Not like Loki, who made you unsure and emotionally insecure, but easy, almost like a friend. You loved talking to Thor.

When you turned the corner to the corridor where you lived, you saw Loki standing outside your door. When he saw you, he looked up and his face flashed. You almost thought he looked jealous, but before you could say anything, he walked away. Thor laughed when he saw your face.

     “My brother likes you, milady, and he’s not good at hiding it. I think he would’ve liked to show you around,” he said, still chuckling.

     “But…” you didn’t know what to say, and decided it was better to say nothing. Thor thanked you for your company, and you thanked him for teaching you the ways of the castle, then slipped into your room.

With a sigh, you sank into the armchair by the fire. The servants must be tending to it as well, because it always looked like it had enough wood. ‘ _How incredible everything is here,_ ’ you thought, before somebody knocked the door.

You opened the door and Loki was standing outside, a slightly nervous but determined and confident look on his face. Now that Thor was gone, the jealousy had been washed away from his face. Seeing him made you unsure of his actions, his intentions and your feelings. There was something about this man, something strange, bigger than anything else.

Loki wanted to take you to the sea, since you liked it so much. You happily agreed to his suggestion and shortly after, you were trying to get onto a horse. The horses of the palace were bigger than any horse you’d ever seen, but they were also much better trained, and the big, white horse you were trying to get onto stood completely still.

At last, it was Loki’s patience that ended and not the horse’s. He slid down from his horse, kneeled in front of you and let you use his knee as a step. You were overwhelmed by the gesture; was that something a prince would do?

After a while, you had ridden all the way to the sea, and you were watching the waves hit the beach. You loved the salty smell, the fresh air, everything. You bent down and stretched your hand out to feel the water. You felt Loki’s gaze burning into your neck, but didn’t look at him. This was your moment.

The water was cold against your hand. Every wave that flushed in came with such determination, and you got a feeling they would never stop coming, never, not even if the world ended. You imagined floating on those waves, far away, where you couldn’t see land. Maybe finding a new place to live. What was on the other side? You rose to ask Loki if he’d ever ventured across the sea, and found him, once again, hanging over your shoulder. His voice tickled your neck as he told you all about the sea.

He had been on it, fought it, and beaten it ~~,~~ together with his father. They had been sailing to find land on the other side of the ocean, sailing to conquer the water. It had been cold, windy, wet, but fantastic.

     “It was like walking on water, every time I crossed the deck. For every step I took, the entire ship leaned either to the left, or to the right. And when I took another step, the wind would catch me, and throw me back to where I began,” he whispered, and you listened, drinking in every word.

Loki told you about how a storm hit the ship, how they had fastened themselves to the masts to stay on the ship, how waves thrice as tall as the ship hit them, again and again, until finally the storm was over. You imagined being on there, not being able to walk without falling because of the wind, and you wanted to do it. You wanted to sail the seas.

     “But when we finally hit land, it was worth it. There were people who looked nothing like us, who ate different food and spoke a different language. They had fruits and berries, sweeter than ours, and they had clothes that were more beautiful than ours. They lived in simple cabins made of wood or clay, and they had only one room. But they were happier, happier than any of us.”

Loki’s voice filled your ears and you let yourself disappear into an imaginative world, a world where people wore the most beautiful dresses and gave you fruit that tasted better than the bread, a world where the sun shone stronger than here, a world where everybody smiled. Somewhere in the back of your head, you realized Loki had stopped talking, and you pulled yourself back to reality.

Loki was now holding you, arms around your waist, resting his head on yours. Part of you wanted to pull him away, to make him stop, because that part smelled danger. Still, it felt good, being held like this, and you relaxed, feeling the wind blow around your body, bringing more waves in. You felt Loki’s story should be a book, so that everyone could take part of it. It was so beautiful.

Loki mumbled something in your ear. You were too busy taking in everything, the sea, his story, him holding you, so when his breath brushed against your neck you hadn’t space for his words in your head.

     “Pardon me, my prince?” You spoke in a whisper, but Loki still heard you over the sound of the waves crashing against the beach.

     “Do you want to go to a special place?”

“What kind of… special place… is it, my prince?”

“A little cabin, just on the other side of that hill over there,” Loki said and pointed.

Unsure of what to say, you lingered, considering your alternatives. Loki laughed, a short, low laugh, a laugh that was more like a few hasty exhales against your cheek. You felt goose bumps erupt where his breath touched your skin.

     “I just want to show it to you. It’s pretty,” he said, lingering with his arms around you.

     “Okay, my prince”, you said. He laughed his sweet little laugh again and let go of you.

_‘“Sweet?” When did his laugh become sweet?’_

You already missed his arms around you, and hurried to the horses where Loki had already sat up. Not wanting to need his help again (it was a bit humiliating), you led your horse to a rock and used that as a step and to get up.

After a short ride, you made it to the top of the hill after Loki and were once again struck by the beauty of this land.

You had the sea to your right, beneath cliffs that must be hundreds of meters high, and in a small valley in front of you was a little cabin, just by the edge. It looked like it was ready to jump down into the water. You shuddered a little in the cold wind and rode after Loki towards the cabin.

 


	5. Wrong feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something extremely moving happens, and you're unsure if you like it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for feels:3
> 
> or at least a touch of it.
> 
> idk, I loved writing this chapter. 
> 
> Hey, look! It looks like a pyramid! Wow!
> 
> wordswordswordswordswordswordswordswords
> 
> just read...

When you finally reached the cabin, you were rather cold. The wind had been tearing at your clothes for a long while, and it was much stronger on top of these cliffs than down by the beach, which was protected by the steep hills.

Shivering slightly from the cold, you stepped past Loki, who was holding the door, and into the small cabin. It was surprisingly cozy, looking so raw on the outside, with small beds in two corners, a fireplace in the third and a table with four chairs in the fourth. A woolen rug had been placed in the middle of the cabin.

There were windows on each side of the door, which looked out upon the sea, and one between the beds in the wall on the opposite side of the door. You sank down on one of the chairs, hugging yourself to regain some warmth. When Loki stepped in behind you, he saw that you were shaking and asked if he should light the fireplace. You denied, thinking it would not be necessary. When you refused to let Loki take care of you, he lent you his shirt. It was too big, but cozier, and as you felt the warmth spread in your body you rose from the table to see what Loki was doing. He was standing by a worktop that was placed along the wall between the fireplace and a bed, and you noticed he was reading something. When he realized you were watching him, he quickly crumpled the paper in his hands and hid it in a pocket. You decided not to ask about it, for even a prince deserved to have his secrets, and instead turned to look out of the window.

It was a beautiful sight; the sea stretched out as far as your eyes could reach, the sun’s reflection glimmering beautifully in the water. There was a short piece of land outside of the door, where the horses stood. They weren’t tied; Loki had told you that they didn’t run away unless he gave the command. You caught a little pride in his voice, and it hit you that he had probably trained these horses himself.

This time, you were one step ahead, and heard him when he sneaked up behind you. Instinctively, you spun around and grabbed his hands before he could sneak them around your waist. You forced your eyes to meet his, still holding his hands, but you didn’t know what to say, so you just stood there. He looked a little shocked, but the shock disappeared as fast as it came. His deep emerald eyes locked yours and you felt lost in their beauty. He was just standing there, watching you, and after a while, you felt your hands relax, and now  _he_ was holding  _your_ hands. His hands were warm around your ice cold fingers, and he unconsciously stroked the back of your hand with his thumb.

Then, all of a sudden, he released your hands, only to place his own upon your cheeks. Before you had time to react, he leaned in and kissed you.

At first, your mind twisted itself while trying to figure out what was going on; when it did, your brain practically screamed at you to stop, to run, to hide. Still, you didn’t. For just a second, you stood still. Then you kissed him back. He tasted like he smelled, sweet but dangerous. Although right now you couldn’t think of him as dangerous. Your mind felt like an earthquake, your emotions flew around at the speed of light, but his lips felt so fantastic against yours that you didn’t want to let go.

You knew that you wanted this, you knew how you felt, but you couldn’t help but feel a little relieved when he finally broke the kiss. Your eyes met his, once again, and this time there was a fire burning in his eyes that you could only associate with one thing:  _lust_.

* * *

When you were finally back in the palace, lunch had passed and the servants were preparing for dinner. Hunger turned your stomach upside down, or was it emotion?

_‘Of course it is, he just kissed you’_.

It did feel like he had just kissed you, even though you knew the ride back to the palace must’ve taken at least half an hour. It had been painfully quiet, although that was probably good since you really needed to get your feelings together.

You knew you wanted to be with him before, even though you had decided not to, but now you didn’t only want to _be_ with him. You felt something else, something bigger.

_‘You want to kiss him again_.’

Your mind kept telling you so, but was it true? His cold, soft lips against yours had, surely, been one of the greatest experiences you’d ever had, but then again, what could you compare it to? Crying over a book?

_‘I don’t think so.’_

Loki asked you if you wanted to eat with him, but you declined his offer. You needed to be alone, and therefore you went right up to your quarters, earning a discussion with not only your brain but also your stomach.

When you were finally inside, you sank down into one of the armchairs and felt the tears starting to fall. Your mother, your father, your sister and Jele were all dead. Your house was burnt down, as well as the entire village and you had been “rescued” by a prince for whom you had feelings you didn’t recognize, and the very same prince had kissed you, without saying a word, and you didn’t know how to feel. You had been treated like a princess by servants and royalty and given food and a place to live. You were surrounded by people who cared for you, but still you felt unsafe.

_‘They don’t know who you are.’_

Was that why you felt so broken? Because they didn’t know? They were taking care of a lie, a lie that would, sooner or later, be revealed. What would they say? Would they be angry at you, who had lived with them, or Loki, who took you in? Or both, perhaps? Would you be punished? Would they kill you?

And, most important of all:

_What did Loki want?_

With all these questions still buzzing in your head, you stood up and wandered to the door in the corner of the room. There was a big bathroom, decorated like the rest of the quarters, with a bathtub big enough for three people to sit in it and a big, beautiful painting above it. You studied the painting. There were animals, a farm, and behind it hills. It felt like a fist squeezed your heart when you remembered the farms around your village. When you studied the painting closer, you noticed something out of place: a man, standing on one of the tiny hills. You squinted, trying to see more details. Were those green eyes in the man’s face?

It looked just like Loki.

But _what in the heavens_ was Loki doing on a painting on your bathroom?

“I see you enjoy the art, milady.” His pronunciation of “my lady” and his deep, calming voice gave him away, but you still spun around in shock.

“I- what- sorry, my prince. I do,” you smiled, curtsying. Thor returned the smile.

“Lay off the titles, milady. You may call me whatever you like. “My prince” sounds so formal,” he said, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and a playful smile on his face. You wondered where his shyness had gone.

“Of course, my- err, Thor,” you said, frowning upon the name. It sounded wrong in your ears.

Thor laughed and wondered what you were up to.

“I saw you riding away with my brother and not returning until hours later,” he winked, and you laughed a short laugh before explaining that you had never seen the sea before.

A conversation with Thor was just what you needed to wash the emotions after the kiss away. Thor and you discussed everything possible, from books and dreams to ships and adventures.

“I wish I could go on an adventure,” you sighed, now sitting in front of the sparkling fire in your room. Thor agreed.

“Me too. I would ride across the land, to the sea on the other side, and sail over the seas and see what land I found.”

“I want to sail someday,” you thought out loud.

“I can help you with that.”

“Really?”

“Yes, father has many ships. Maybe we could borrow a small one, just go for a few hours.”

“That- that would be… amazing!” You couldn’t believe your ears! Thor was offering to take you on a boat!

“But we would have to be careful. The sea can be very mischievous,” Thor said thoughtfully.

“I know, Loki told me all about it. How the waves were higher than the ships, and the whole boat rocked, and how the wind was so strong it blew you off your feet…”

Thor laughed loudly, a wonderful laugh that made your heart warm. When he was done, he wiped a tear from his eye and asked:

“Loki told you all that? My Loki?”

At his words, something inside you stirred. “ _My Loki,”_ he said. You didn’t want him to be his Loki. You wanted Loki to be yours.

_‘What are you thinking? Are you out of your mind?’_

Your brain informed you how stupid those feelings were.

_‘You should have brought food,’_ your stomach chimed in. You realized you hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

“Thor, do you think I could go get something to eat?” You heard yourself say, probably on command by your stomach, which was tired of your emotions’ awful ruling.

“Of course, milady! Come, I will show you a shortcut to the kitchen!”

And with that, he rose, quicker than you’d expect from someone of his size, and helped you up. He then guided you to a secret passage behind a big painting right outside your door. It was a spiral staircase that took you two floors down, to the kitchen.

Thor pulled the curtain that was hanging over the exit away and showed you the kitchen. It was an enormous room without windows, lit only by lanterns hanging along the walls and in the ceiling, filled with cooking tools and things you’d never imagined. There was a long table that was already being filled with food that you suspected the servants were going to be serving for dinner. The servants all curtsied and bowed, to both you and Thor. Still not quite understanding why they bowed to you, you smiled to everybody, barely ever getting a smile in return. A frown sneaked up to your forehead.

“When is dinner?” You asked.

“In about two hours, milady”, answered a servant of your age, maybe younger, with rosy cheeks and wild, green eyes. He looked like somebody you’d find in a blacksmith, with grime in his face and on his hands. He was carrying a huge basket of bread, and gave you two buns when he passed.

All the servants looked with warmth in their eyes at Thor and with suspicion at you. Your frown increased and wondered what you’d done to deserve those looks.

_‘Oh, it’s nothing’,_ you heard the tiny voice inside your head say. _‘Just arrived at night with the prince and then spent the next day with both him and his brother.’_

You realized at least somebody must’ve seen Loki holding you yesterday, when you were on your way to your room, and someone must’ve seen Loki help you off the horse yesterday, and how he helped you up this morning. Invisible fists squeezed your stomach as you remembered you’ve walked around the entire castle with Thor, talking and laughing.

Not until now had you seen how this looked. A tall woman who passed gave you a cold look. You took a thoughtful bite of the bread. Were there rumors about you?

“Can I help you with anything else, my lady?” asked the boy who gave you the bread. You asked if he had anything else you could eat.

“Of course, my lady, come,” he said and walked away between the working people. You followed him across the room, to a corner. On the way, the boy picked up different things on the way, an apple, a mug and so on. In the corner was a table with big piles of trays on it, and the boy put the things on the tray, and then walked away with the mug. He returned with it filled with hot water and tea leaves.

“Thank you” you said, taking the tray he gave you.

“The pleasure is mine, my lady,” he answered, bowing. “If you want anything, I can get it for you. My name is Han,” he said. You smiled, telling yourself to remember him if you ever needed anything. Han had a beautiful voice, a bit like he was singing. You swiftly wondered if he came from another land, because you had never heard anybody speak like that.

Han told you to sit by the big table to eat, and so you did. You glimpsed Thor behind the mountain of fruit somebody had placed on the table and walked around to sit with him, but when you rounded the pile of fruit you saw Loki sitting next to Thor. They were obviously discussing something, but Loki had seen you, and he smiled and said something to his brother. The look on his face suggested it had not been nice.

You sat down next to Thor, successfully hiding Loki behind his body, but Thor rose almost immediately and left with a murdering look at Loki, who kept smiling.

_‘And so the kitten walked right into the dog’s lap,’_ you heard the tiny voice inside your head say. You were starting to suspect this was your sense that had abandoned you and now existed only to mock you. You sighed and took a bite of the apple. In another situation you would have cherished the taste of the apple, especially since you were starving, but you were too busy keeping your mind off Loki to do so.

_‘He’s probably pondering how he should eat you,’_ your mind told you.

_‘Now, really,_ you told yourself, _‘he’s not going to eat me.’_

_‘Are you sure about that?’_

You sighed. You were having a conversation with yourself. That must be a clear sign that you were going crazy.

“Do you enjoy the food?” asked Loki, a pretty stupid question since you were emptying the tray faster than a hungry dog.

“Yes, my prince”, you answered without looking at Loki. He hadn’t said a word to you since you left the cabin, and you hadn’t said a word to him. Who did he think he was, walking around kissing people like that?

_‘You invited him to do it,’_ your mind said. _‘You took his hands away. Maybe he thought you wanted to take it further?’_

_‘That’s absurd, it’s not like I looked at him with warmth.’_

_‘Maybe you did…’_

_‘Did I?’_

“I’m sorry about… about what happened today,” the prince said. A little surprised, you jumped at his voice so close, and you realized he had moved closer to you.

_‘He’s sorry?’_

You didn’t know what to say, so you decided to drop the subject.

“What were you and Prince Thor talking about?” you asked, hoping you sounded unmoved by his words.

“Just a stupid fight between two brothers. Do you have siblings?”

You were surprised by the question, but answered honestly. When you had eaten, Han picked up your tray and you rose to go back to your quarters. But before you could go, the prince asked you something.

“Can I show you something?”

You were unsure; the last time the prince had wanted to show you something, the most disturbing event of your life took place. But you still found yourself answering positively to the offer, your mind frantically telling you to run.

The prince smiled and took your hand, leading you away.


	6. Crazier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow... you really are crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 20 KUDOOOOOOOS
> 
> OMG
> 
> *dying*  
> *making awkward noises*  
> *what the heck is that*
> 
> THANK YOUU! I'm so happy!
> 
>  
> 
> I realized it was *counts* habbadabbadooo yes wait what omfg I'm a dumbass
> 
> If you ever need help with math, don't come here.
> 
> Okay, it wasn't almost two weeks as I thought, but four days since I posted. Whatever, here you are, chapter six. I love you :)

Earlier, you had thought the garden was beautiful. Now that you’d seen it, you corrected yourself: it was breathtaking. Thousands of different plants, flowers and trees filled the area with hundreds of colors and tones. There were a multitude of flowers: some bigger than your head and others that were just as small as your fingernail. When Loki led you out through the doors and into the garden, you immediately felt overwhelmed by the vast array of colors.

“I thought you’d like it,” Loki said when you kneeled next to a small plant with flowers that went in the various shades of the rainbow to look closer. You nodded enthusiastically and he laughed. You felt a small jolt somewhere in the bottom of your stomach as he did.

‘ _You’re not falling in love with him, are you?_ ’ your mind asked. You wondered how your own imagination could adopt such a disgusted voice.

“Walk with me?” Loki asked, and you rose with a smile to walk with him through the garden.

Around every corner was a new beautiful plant to discover, you couldn’t stop smiling at the beauty. Loki held a small conversation with you while you walked, explaining about everything you saw. You turned a corner and stood in front of an enormous tree, filling almost your entire field of vision, and you gasped at the sight. It was so  _beautiful_.

‘ _I have to show Jele this_ ,’ you thought. _‘Wait, I can’t. Jele is dead.’_ Lead filled your stomach.

Jele was dead, and the man next to you killed him. Anger filled you and a frown placed itself on your forehead.

“What’s wrong?” Loki asked you, an innocent look on his face. You clenched your hands, not answering his question. When he pressed further, looking concerned and, actually, afraid, you turned away from him, not wanting him to see the tears that filled your eyes.

“Darling, what’s the matter?” Loki asked, trying to take your hand. Furiously, you snatched it away.

“It’s… it’s nothing”, you said, shaking with anger.

“My dear, I can clearly see something is bothering you…”

“It’s you.”

Loki stopped trying to comfort you and stood still. You hid your face in your hands, not wanting to see him, and tears started to run down your cheeks as you realized you were ashamed, because you hurt him.

‘ _You hurt the man who killed your best friend._ ’

_‘I hurt him…’_

_‘He deserved it! He led an army to kill you and your family!’_

“What am I doing?” Loki quietly asked, and you heard his voice was shivering.

“It’s… You… You k-killed Jele…” you sobbed. “You killed my- my best friend! The only friend I’ve ever had!”

Loki was quiet. You heard him coming closer, but didn’t step away this time, and you let him embrace you. He held you tightly, not letting go even when you squirmed and whimpered and tried to get away. He just held you even tighter, and after a while, you stopped trying. Instead, you let your hands fall from your face and lock around Loki’s body, holding him ever so close. You felt a drop of water hit your head and realized that either it was raining, or you’d just made Loki, the mischievous and evil prince, cry. He was crying silently, but you felt his tears against your head and his body shaking slightly as he cried with you. You stood there for quite a while, until Loki spoke.

“I didn’t kill him”, he whispered. You froze. “I didn’t kill him, I couldn’t. He sacrificed himself to let you run, did you know that? When you ran, he fought me, and he fought well. I still have bruises.”

“But- but I heard him scream! I thought-“

“I cut him, I had to. He would’ve killed me, and then what would’ve happened to you?”

You stood still, listening to the prince’s heartbeat.  _Jele was alive_.

“But- where is he?” you whispered.

“I do not know. I had to leave him there. You have no idea- the army that was sent to destroy your village is supposed to do other tasks afterwards. You would’ve run right into their arms. They would do unforgiveable things to a lady like you.”

You had stopped crying, but you still had your face buried in Loki’s chest. You heard his heart beat at a high pace and smelled his wonderful smell. He held you close, one hand cupping your neck and the other on the small of your back, and a strange gush of warmth spread in your belly as you felt his breath on your head. You decided to drop this subject, and therefore asked Loki something you’d been wondering since the morning.

“Why is Prince Thor acting so strangely around me?”

“He is?”

“This morning he was all shy, he refused to look at me, but now, suddenly, he talks to me like anyone else!”

“Well… I think- I think my brother is in love with you.”

Your heart sank. Prince Thor, in love with you?

“But that’s just- no, he can’t be!”

Loki pulled away from the hug, taking hold of your upper arms and looking into your eyes.

“Why couldn’t he? He told me so himself.”

“But he said he loved someone who belonged to someone else, who had loved him but gave him up for another, and I’m-“

“Might it ever have struck you, that my brother knows, just as well as anybody else, how to lie?”

“But he wouldn’t lie!”

“People do a lot of strange things when they’re in love.”

You looked into Loki’s eyes and got lost in their deep, green beauty.

_‘”Beauty”? Really? I’m starting to worry…’_

_‘I’m already worried about my mental health, thank you.’_

_‘”Beauty”…’_ Again, your mind successfully adopted a disgusted, sarcastic tone.

“It’s getting late,” Loki suddenly said, breaking the enchanting eye contact. You were bewildered by his action, but quickly followed as he started walking back to the palace. You walked beside him in silence, and realized that the sun was setting. What a day it had been.

“Do you need anything?” Loki asked as you entered the castle once again. You shook your head with a faint smile, suddenly realizing you were very tired.

“I’ll get you anything you want”, Loki said, then followed you to your quarters. When you reached your door, he took your hand and kissed it, thanking you for your company.

 _‘So polite…’_ you thought.

_‘The other one did so as well, if you missed it, Miss I-like-the-murderer.’_

You really were mad. But it felt okay, you thought, as you undressed and slipped under the feather light covers. They were cool against your skin. Life here was  _tiring_. It felt like you’d been here for years, but it was only your second night. You fell asleep as soon as your head touched the pillow.

Nightmares haunted you that night. They contained awful images of Jele being stabbed by a man, who turned into Loki and tried to stab you, but when he stabbed you his knife turned into a rose that he gave you, but when you took it, it turned into a letter, and suddenly Loki was angry. He screamed at you to stop reading his letter, and when you looked down you were holding a snake, a snake that hissed and tried to bite you. Then, suddenly, you were alone with Thor on the beach. He was trying to kiss you, but you didn’t want to, you ran, and there was Jele again, in the sand, bleeding. He looked at you, but his eye-sockets were empty. You screamed as he started to cry out of his bloody eye-sockets…

“Miss! Are you okay?”

Your eyes flew open and met a pair of green ones, hovering inches above your face. You shouted in surprise and jumped, crawling away over the bed.

“I’m sorry, miss, I didn’t mean to scare you!”

You recognized the singing voice. It was Han. You sat up and looked around.

You had tangled yourself into the sheets of the bed, and a pillow lay on the floor beneath the bed.

“Did you have a bad dream, miss?” Han asked. “You screamed and spoke in your sleep.”

“I… I had a bad dream. A nightmare. What did I say?”

“A lot of things, miss. It sounded like you were telling somebody not to do something, and I think I heard a name, miss, but I had to wake you, you seemed to be in pain.”

“Thank you,” you said quietly, wondering if it had been Loki’s name you shouted. Or was it Thor you had shouted at? A shiver ran down your spine as you remembered the dream.

“Do you need anything, miss?”

“I’m fine, I think. What time is it?”

“It is late, miss, you cannot have slept for more than a few hours. I’m still baking for tomorrow.”

“You work this late?”

“Yes, miss, I have to, otherwise there won’t be bread for breakfast!”

You sighed and fell back onto a pillow, staring into the ceiling and pondering the dream. Had it mirrored your fears, or was it just your mind playing you a trick?

 _‘I’m lucky Han heard me’_ , you thought, then another thought struck you. A jolt in your stomach made you painfully aware that if Han heard you from the kitchen, the rest of the castle must have heard you as well.

“Han?”

“Yes, my lady?”

“How did you hear me from the kitchen?”

“I didn’t, miss, I was walking past your door!”

“What were you doing up here if you’re supposed to be making bread for tomorrow?” you asked curiously.

“Tea for Prince Thor, my lady, he often stays up late”, Han said with a smile. “He wanders the palace, and he usually gets me as company. He is interested in my background.”

Another crooked smile.

“Where do you think I could find him?” you asked, throwing all caution aside. After that dream, you weren’t going to fall asleep again, and you had some questions for the prince.

“I think he should be in the library, miss, if he hasn’t already gone to bed.”

“Thank you, Han”, you smiled, wondering if you were crazy. Then you remembered you already were.

_‘Why not a little crazier, then?’_

Yes… why not? The night was young, and you needed some time to think. Plus, you didn’t feel like talking to the main character of your nightmare for a while.

When Han had left the room, you quickly jumped out of bed and sneaked over to the chest of drawers on the opposite wall of the bed. The servants had filled it with clothes for you, and you sent a silent thanks to whomever chose them since there were not only fancy dresses, but also simple clothes, and even pants and shirts!

You chose a pair of pants in a dark color and a matching shirt and then walked out of your door. The corridor was empty and dark, and you quickly moved the painting behind which the stairs to the kitchen were to slip in and walk down. When you reached the kitchen, an eerie silence filled your ears. It was so different from the buzz you’d heard earlier that you actually thought you had taken the wrong route, but when you pulled the tapestry that hid the staircase away, it was the very same kitchen that stood before you.

It was dark and quiet, and the sound of your boots against the stone floor felt like loud shouts. You were afraid somebody would see you, but nobody was there. To your right, in the far end of the room, there was a doorway. The inside was lighted up, but the light didn’t reach you where you were, although you heard voices and saw a basket of bread on a table. It must be where Han worked.

You walked to the left, following the long table and taking the exit Loki had led you through earlier. You emerged in the very same corridor where you had first entered the castle, took a right and sneaked out through the front doors.

The road would be too risky, being lit by lanterns along the edge, so you walked in the long grass beside it, slightly crouched. Thrill rushed through you as you silently made your way towards the village.


	7. The village (and Loki)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The village gives you things to think about.
> 
> So does a certain prince.
> 
> What is he doing in your bed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T-H-I-R-T-Y-F-I-V-E KUDOS!
> 
> Oh my god! Thank you!
> 
> I've had hell of a week, two times in a row, but here it is; chapter seven!
> 
> I'm hoping to post a bit more often, 'cause I may or may not have written three more chapters already. it's not like I'm on chapter 11 already, jeez, no....
> 
> You're gonna love the following chapters!  
> (Not including this one)
> 
> Without further ado, chapter seven!

Sneaking out at this hour wasn’t unusual for you, as you and Jele often snuck out and wandered the village at night. Still, this was something else: you were alone.

You walked along the deserted road, past shops and taverns, most empty and dark but some full of light; as you walked, you looked around, for the first time, at the village. It was rather frightening to see people lurking in the shadows, drinking or discussing matters you were too civilized to discuss, and to walk alone and feel these people’s eyes burn into your neck. You knew you seemed a bit out of place, but kept walking like you knew where you were going.

A pair of drunken men broke out of the shadows of an alley when you’d walked past them and followed you along the street. You didn’t look back, knowing it might make them come at you, but kept your head high. Your stomach twisted itself and your legs screamed at you to run, but you trusted your clothes and the hood you covered your head with. The men were catching up you, so you took a turn and walked onto a smaller street, hoping the men wouldn’t follow you.

They did. A jolt of fear struck you and you turned again, walking into an alley. There was an open door in one of the buildings and light and music flowed out. A voice said something, followed by a wave of laughter. Probably a pub. You walked in.

It was a big room with a stage at the end and round tables with chairs placed randomly over the floor. A band stood on the stage, playing low music while an old woman sat on a high chair in front of them, speaking loudly. You moved towards an empty corner, listening to the woman while you made your way through the room.

“He’d always been like that, you know, but then this day it went too far. He actually stole something; this was the first time of many. He was only a few years old, but I remember it like yesterday. It was a little boat, a wooden toy his father had made. I saw as he tucked it quickly under his shirt, his brother noticing nothing!”

The woman took a swig from a mug she held and looked out over the audience.

“He has always done like that, taken what he wanted, I’m sure he still does. I left the castle when he was eight, I’d had enough,” she said, smiling when laughter filled the room. You frowned; why was it funny?

“That man… I actually saw him yesterday! I delivered the usual herbs to the castle, and there he was, walking around the garden with a woman!”

You froze. Sweat filled your forehead as you pressed your back to the wall you’d leaned against, wishing the woman wouldn’t look your way. You were sure, she was talking about Loki, and she’d seen you with him.

“The woman, of course, looked like she’d rather die than be there. Has the prince ever  _begged_  for something?”

Your cheeks flushed, your body buzzed, you wanted to leave but you couldn’t. Men and women were blocking your way, all laughing at the woman’s tales. She’d obviously worked at the castle, maybe as a maid, and knew Loki. She’d probably helped raise him.

You wanted to leave, but your will to know more about Loki stopped you together with the men who had followed you, who stood by the door. A mirror on the wall next to you informed you that your disguise was good, you didn’t recognize yourself until you saw your face. Good. You looked like a young man.

“I’ve seen that man bed numbers of women, all of them begging for him to do it and then wishing they’d died afterwards. Not one woman has escaped his bed unharmed, and I’m warning you; he’s not letting one do so,” the woman said, her voice clear as water. The men in the room held their women closer, like Loki would show up and steal them. You scoffed at the thought, gaining a few wondering looks from the people around.

A waitress wobbled over to you while holding numerous trays with mugs on them and asked you what you’d like to drink. You said you didn’t want anything since you didn’t have any money, and the waitress walked away, balancing the trays dangerously over her head as she did. You got a few more skeptical looks. The men by the door had seen you and made their way towards you, cruising between tables and people. You felt a jab of panic and started moving away from them. You followed the waitress through the room, hands shaking.

Sweat trickled down your temple as you made your way through the room. The woman was still talking about Loki, but you tried not to listen. Still, her voice filled your head and you couldn’t prevent yourself. You listened to her description of Loki’s hobbies, including torturing animals and raiding villages. You didn’t quite know how to take this information, but you knew the woman was drunk and probably made the stories up, even though it seemed much like the stories that were told in your village.

You pushed your way towards the door, the men followed, but you got out to the street and started running back the way you came. You heard the men shout behind you and ran on, and at last you turned at the end of the alley. Before you had taken three steps you were pulled into a doorway. A hand pressed against your mouth and you immediately started to wiggle to get out, but a sweet girl voice told you to be still and you found yourself obeying. The two men rushed past the dark doorway and the hand let go of your mouth. You turned around and found yourself face to face with the waitress.

“I saw how the men looked at you inside,” she said, and continued to explain that they were regular at the pub and often kidnapped children to sell them as slaves.

“I’m not a child!” you exclaimed, red in the face. The waitress was actually younger than you, you were sure. Who was she to call you a child?

“You look like one, miss”, the waitress said. You froze, shocked at the fact that the waitress knew you were a girl.

“I’m…” you mumbled, not sure of what to say. Was it that easy to see through your disguise?

“Don’t worry, miss, you do look like a boy, but a young one, and your voice is very light for a young man’s. My eyes fooled me but my ears exposed your secret, miss.”

“Well, thank you. It seems you saved my life,” you said with a smile.

“It is nothing, miss, I had to. I cannot stand to see another poor woman taken to their prison.”

You spent a while with the girl in her apartment, where she lived when she didn’t work at the pub. She introduced herself as Awah, and she told you of her simple village life, fighting to get food on her table every night. You explained about the war between your village and the king and how Loki had taken you in as a guest. You even found yourself talking about how Loki had kissed you, how he made you unsure and how he kept making you feel. It felt like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders to talk about it. Awah was a good listener, and she also shared the information she had on Loki. It was nothing that surprised you, but a few things filled your stomach with lead. A few days ago, Loki had walked through the village with his brother while discussing something. Awah had overheard them on the subject of a woman. She quoted Loki’s exact words for you (“I wish to talk to her, not just watch her from afar. She deserves better than this, Thor”) and filled your stomach with butterflies.

“Miss, why are you smiling like that?”

Taken aback by her question, you noticed you were actually smiling.

_‘What?’_

You were smiling while talking about Loki- not a good sign.

You realized Awah was waiting for an answer.

“I don’t know”, you said, blushing.

“You don’t actually  _like_  the prince, do you?” Awah asked skeptically.

“I don’t know,” you repeated.

_‘Is it that hard to admit? You love him!’_

_‘I don’t!’_

_‘Then why can’t you stop thinking about him?’_

_‘He scares me.’_

_‘He intrigues you!’_

You shook your head at the discussion taking place in your head and asked Awah about the time.

“Oh dear, miss, it’s almost dawn!”

“It is?”

Had the time passed that quickly? You hurried out with Awah and saw that the sky had adopted a lighter shade of blue, and when you walked up the hill towards the palace you saw a thin streak of pink in the horizon. You had to hurry back to your room.

The task was harder to carry out than you had thought, since more and more servants filled the castle. You used the shortcuts Loki had showed you and emerged in a, thankfully, empty corridor. While you hurried into your room you pulled you shirt over your head, stepped out of the boots and pulled your trousers off with a skip and landed in your bed. You crawled underneath the covers and waited, in silence. For what you didn’t know.

You shut your eyelids for a moment and fell asleep.

* * *

 

You woke up hours later and groaned as a ray of sun hit your face with a perfect angle. You turned over and fell asleep again, only to wake up minutes later because of nightmares. The same scenes as earlier, but as you ran from Thor and Jele at the beach you heard Loki’s voice ringing in your ears, repeating the words Awah had said.

The next time you were woken up, it was by a strange sound. It sounded like someone cleared their throat. Your stomach sank and you opened your eyes. You were lying on your side, staring into the wall. You saw nothing, so you closed your eyes and rolled over to fall back asleep, but you rolled into something. Something that felt like a human body.

You screamed and jumped out of bed.

Loki was lying on the bed, fully dressed with a smirk on his face. You covered your body with your hands.

_‘If only looks could kill…’_

“What are you doing here?” you shouted at him. You felt the heat on your cheeks and quickly stopped the urge to hide your face in your hands. Tears filled your eyes as you stood there, not knowing what to do. You just felt like running, but that wasn’t an option since you were naked, so you just stood there staring angrily at Loki.

“You had nightmares,” Loki simply said and rolled off the bed. You quickly pulled the sheets off the bed to hide yourself behind. “You were shouting and crying, so I came to comfort you.”

“I would have done better without you,” you said with a tone of pure poison. Had you really felt differently about this very man only hours ago?

“Are you sure of that?” Loki said with a smirk. A memory flashed through your mind, a memory of rolling into a warm body, snuggling up to it, feeling safe. You remembered looking up into his eyes while resting your head on his chest, remembered how he’d whispered your name. Your stomach revolted.

“Get out of my room!” you shouted, pointing at the door. You felt sick only at the thought of sharing a bed with this man. Loki walked over to the door, opened it and then left with a mischievous glance at your body. You shivered at the mere thought of him watching you sleep.

You cast a quick look out the window and noticed that the sun was about to set. All the better, you thought, and walked over to the bookcase in the corner. You were still blushing, but you didn’t feel your heart beating like crazy anymore. After choosing an interesting book, you walk over and sit down in one of the armchairs by the fire. Your mind felt like a storm, thoughts flying through your head. Right now, you just wished to calm down and read, and so you did.


	8. Out of the ashes, into the flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You now owe Loki...
> 
> Probably your life.
> 
> Ouch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG
> 
> I love you all, thank you so much! The response I've been getting is far too much, I really don't deserve it! You are all so wonderful, thank you, thank you, thank you!
> 
> I know, I know, I said chapter eight would include Loki feels....
> 
>  
> 
> It does. But wait till chapter 11................ hehehhehehheeeee

Days turned into weeks, and suddenly you had spent three weeks at the palace. You did your best to avoid Loki and you were successful. Every now and then you went to dine with everyone in the great hall, but you placed yourself as far away from Loki as possible.

Your bond with Thor strengthened the more time you spent with him, as he was more than happy to explain everything about the castle. One day, your conversation with him took a weird twist when he told you that the royal family had been spying on your village for a long time. Apparently Loki had been showing great interest in you for a while and always asked to go to the village. King Odin, probably believing Loki wanted to cause trouble, neglected him. You didn’t believe your ears when Thor told you.

“But why me? Why am I special?” you asked him with deep skepticism. You weren’t special, you knew that. You were just like everyone else, if not worse, since all you did was read and keep to yourself. You had never even been sexually involved with someone.

“I don’t know”, Thor laughed. “He kept talking about you, how beautiful you are, all that. He refused to admit that he was in love with you, though,” he added. Your heart skipped a beat when you realized Thor hadn’t said “how beautiful _he thinks_ you are.”

_‘Calm down, you’re just playing yourself a trick. What does a prince have to find in you?’_

_‘That’s true. I’m just a girl.’_

_‘But… why did he even take you in if he doesn’t care about you?’_

_‘Because…’_

You struggled to find a good reason for Loki to be nice to you but failed.

_‘Because he wants something from you…’_

“Milady, what are you thinking about?” Thor asked, a wide smile on his face. You stuttered a little while trying to find something to say.

“I’m just… I’m…”

“Don’t waste your precious time thinking about my brother. He’s a rotten fruit on the inside, I swear. I know him better than anyone; he used to steal my toys. Nobody noticed until he told me years later.” Thor laughed, his blue eyes twinkling with memories. “By the way, I’m going to the armory to practice fighting. Would you like to watch?”

You had nothing better to do, so you followed Thor to the armory. You had been there a couple of times before, watching Thor practice or studying fighting techniques. You enjoyed watching him fly around in the little room where he practiced, hitting the dolls in the right places at the right time.

While Thor got his gear on (special plates of iron to protect him if one of the dolls might swing and hit him) you wandered over to the door that led to the room, only to hear thuds and grunts. Somebody was using the room.

“Thor? It’s occupied,” you said to Thor, who asked who it was.

“I don’t know.”

“Open the door and check.”

You rolled your eyes and ignored the knot that formed in your stomach as you pushed the door open. With his back to you was Loki, shirtless, beating a large doll of its hinges. It fell to the floor with a loud thud and Loki turned to the next doll, already throwing punches everywhere. You were frozen to the ground, staring at him. Pearls of sweat gleamed in the light, his muscles visibly growing as he strained them while shooting strike after strike at the doll. The knot in your stomach untwisted as the stomach disappeared.

“Who is it?” Thor asked curiously in your right ear. You jumped, not having realized he were so close. The door swung shut and Thor laughed at your reaction. You jokingly pouted your lips like a little child and stuck your tongue out at him, which only made him laugh more. You couldn’t hold yourself back but laughed with him. You loved the sound of his rumbling laughter bouncing off the walls.

The door opened behind you and Loki stuck his face out with an angry look on his face. Thor threw a quick look at him and started laughing again, and soon you were laughing with him. Loki’s eyes flashed and he reached for a cloth that was hanging on the wall next to the door. He wiped his sweat with it and then turned to Thor;

“Having fun on my behalf, brother?”

“No, not at all, it was the circumstances”, Thor chuckled with tears in his eyes. You still were smiling slightly, but your smile faded when you saw Loki’s eyes. He wasn’t enjoying this _at all_.

“Feel like a battle, brother?”

Thor grinned at Loki and then walked back to get his brother’s gear, leaving you alone with Loki. You didn’t say anything, but you felt his gaze resting on your face. You looked up into the ceiling, trying to resist the urge to trace the lines of Loki’s hips. Soon enough, you found yourself doing just that, but quickly looked away. Loki chuckled a little, and walked over to a wall where a tap sat. When he bowed his neck to drink, you couldn’t stop yourself but rest your eyes on his shoulders. Pearls of sweat twinkled and you felt an urge to touch his pale skin. You shook your head frantically and looked at the door instead.

A metal plate flew through the room, heading straight for Loki, who caught it in his hand while drinking. You gasped when he did, and Thor’s rumbling laugh filled the room once again.

“You’ve practiced, brother. I didn’t think you’d be so quick!”

“Well, practice makes perfect, and you know I’m a perfectionist.”

“Only when it’s about impression,” Thor grinned and winked at you. You smiled broadly at him and relaxed. You were more comfortable in Thor’s presence.

While the brothers fought, you sat by, pondering Loki. You and Thor had, of course, discussed feelings and love, but when it came down to Loki you were unsure. Ever since day one, you had had a peculiar feeling in Loki’s presence. You had trusted him wildly while under pressure, but when you got time to think you hated him. What you had learned the night before was terrifying, but still when you saw Loki shirtless, moving around the room so quickly and with such control, your stomach twisted and your mind closed, warmth spread from your core to your fingertips and you just wanted to be near him.

Thor aimed a hit at Loki’s left shoulder that hit with excruciating force, making him stumble backwards. Thor quickly stepped forwards to help his brother, who took the chance and tripped him by swinging his leg behind Thor’s and pushing him backwards. Thor fell to the ground, laughing, and Loki roared, “Give up, brother!”

“Never!”

With that, Thor bounced up, his fist flying towards Loki’s right hip. Loki parried, lifting his knee into Thor’s abdomen. Thor groaned and bent forwards. You immediately stood up, but Loki patted his brother’s back and helped him regain his breath. Taken aback by Loki’s action, you stood still in shock. You had been sure Loki was going to keep hitting his brother.

Thor slowly started breathing normally, and a smile crept up to his face. He thanked Loki for a good fight and walked out to drink. You followed him, asking how he felt.

“Milady, only my pride was hurt in this battle,” Thor said. A soft chuckle from behind told you that Loki had heard him.

“Although it was a good one, brother. I am impressed with your skills, especially since you’ve only been practicing for a few weeks,” Loki said and grunted. You turned around and saw that he was nursing the spot on his shoulder where Thor had hit him, which was already adopting a blue shade. Your eyes once again wandered over the prince’s perfect body, hungrily taking everything in. The familiar warmth spread through your body as you stopped at the bulge in his trousers, and you quickly looked away. Loki didn’t seem to notice that you were blushing.

“I’m sorry for that one, brother,” Thor said. Loki looked up and smirked.

“Only my pride was hurt in this battle”, he mocked, imitating Thor’s voice horribly. You found yourself giggling a little, and Loki’s eyes landed on you. You blushed again as his gaze intensified and looked away from his eyes, only to once again stare at his beautiful torso.

Thor laughed and took a cloth from the wall to wipe his forehead. Loki turned his attention back to his shoulder, which was everything but good. He gingerly moved his arm a little and gasped at the pain. Not knowing what to do, you simply stood there, until your subconscious self  took over and took a cloth, wetted it with water and moved over to carefully dab Loki’s shoulder. He froze at your touch, but you kept dabbing his shoulder firmly. Finally, he sighed and relaxed as you cautiously rubbed his shoulder. His eyes were resting on you, you felt his gaze burning into your skin, but a snort from behind you made him look up. He laughed softly and murmured something in another language, distorted words you didn’t recognize. Thor snorted again and walked past you to pick Loki’s gear up and walk away to leave it in the wardrobe.

Once again, you were alone with Loki. You remained silent, still dabbing his shoulder. He sighed again and shifted his stance. Much to your regret, you glanced down at Loki’s figure and gulped. He looked even better up close. Still lightly dabbing his shoulder with the cloth, you looked up and met his eyes. They were fixed on you, of course. You heard Thor calling your name and the word “lunch.” Loki still stared into your eyes, and quietly mouthed “thank you.” You nodded and smiled faintly at him before giving him the cloth and walking away.

Thor teased you all the way up to the great hall but you managed to change the subject and found yourself talking about the royal family. Thor was, as always, glad to explain about who lived in the castle, from his family to counselors and servants. He explained the entire thing while you took your places in by the big table at which the royal family and their counselors sat. You listened halfheartedly; your mind was still buzzing around Loki. His acting today was so different from earlier. You hadn’t talked to him in weeks, and he hadn’t tried to talk to you either. You had studied him at a distance, carefully keeping him in the corner of your eye whenever he was close, just to know he wasn’t going to try something against you. After all, he had the power to get you sent away.

He had taken you in as _his_ guest, yet you never spoke, never even looked at each other. A lump of guilt formed in your chest. He could just as easily as he smirked go to his father and tell him everything. You were, after all, supposed to be dead.

Awah knew that as well. You had sneaked out every now and then to go back to the village and the pub where Awah worked. You shared news and gossip with each other and enjoyed each other’s company. The village was your escape from everything with Thor and Loki, everything that happened inside of the castle and everything that raced around in your head every night.

That night, you sneaked out as usual. Awah was waiting in the very doorway where you had first met, and the smile on her face told you she had something fun to tell you.

“You _have_ to see this!” she whispered, urging you on through the corridor. You walked quickly towards a door you knew led to a room behind the bar. Loud voices and laughs were heard from the other side, and you opened the door to peek out. The room was filled with people, sitting by the tables or standing along the walls, and everybody’s heads were turned to the stage. Awah pushed you out, and you walked a bit further. A group of men in ridiculous suits were walking around on the stage, talking and acting. One of them cracked a joke and the room was filled with laughter.

“Guess what they’re doing!” Awah smiled.

“I don’t know… acting?”

“No way!” Awah said, rolling her eyes. “I mean, who are they portraying?”

You listened for a moment as one of the men walked over to another and yelled at him. The crowd laughed again.

“The… the royal family?” you asked. Awah laughed and nodded.

You spent a while looking at the men on the stage, who kept swinging their capes and doing faces. A few simply dressed men, obviously meant to be servants, were kneeling at their feet. The man who was supposed to be the king himself made an offended face while “Thor” cracked another joke.

A burning sensation in your neck told you that you were being watched. You looked the crowd over, searching for anyone who hadn’t got their face turned towards the stage, but didn’t notice anything. You were turning your attention back to the scene when something caught your attention. It was a knife, reflecting the light. The knife was in the hand of a man you recognized, much to your disappointment. It was one of the men from who Awah had hidden you on the very first night you sneaked out. When you searched, you also noticed the other man, who was edging his way through the crowd, moving towards you. You shifted nervously and alerted Awah. She let her eyes swoop over the crowd once and then moved back, waving at you to follow. You hurried back to Awah’s apartment, where you spent the rest of the night.

As usual, you forgot the time when you were with Awah. Suddenly, you had to go, not because you needed to be in the palace but you needed your sleep, and it would take you some time to get back to your room unseen.

You knew a secret little passageway in the alley where the pub’s entrance was, so you walked that way. When you reached the door, however, it swung open and the two men stumbled out. When they saw you, they both cracked identical smiles, cold ones that didn’t reach their eyes. You backed away and started running back the way you came. The footsteps behind you told you that the men were following, and they were catching up on you.

You turned into the smaller street that connected the alley to the big road and found yourself running into someone. Someone who smelled very good.

“I don’t mind girls running into me, my dear, but warn me first so I don’t have to lose my breath,” he chuckled, and then the two men took the turn and almost crashed into the two of you. You had instinctively taken a few steps back from Loki, who stood with a smirk on his face and watched as the two men regained their balance.

“Now, now, what do we have here?” one of them asked, said grin spreading once again across his lips. “Little love ran to get help?” the other filled in while smoothing his jacket.

“I don’t—” you started, but the first man interrupted you.

“Think he’ll help ya, little girl? Think he’ll care about ya?” You whimpered. Loki still smirked and, if you weren’t mistaken, he was actually looking happier.

_‘He probably enjoys his chance to pretend you’re his.’_

He stretched his arm out and pulled you to his side. You immediately started pushing at him for him to let you go, but he held you tightly as the men looked at him in slight shock.

“Still, my prince, that bitch is ours. We had her first, my lord, but she knows how to hide,” one of them said, the other nodding furiously. Loki just smiled at them, pulling you closer into his embrace.

“I’ll give ya, say, ten gold for her?” the first man now said, but Loki shook his head and simply stated;

“You can’t buy her. She’s mine.”

You squirmed, trying to get away, and even tried hitting Loki in the stomach, which of course didn’t work well, but then you realized this was the same torso you had been admiring earlier and that you were being pressed against said torso. You began to feel a little weak in the knees.

The men had disappeared, and you and Loki were alone in the small street. You were suddenly freezing, and Loki’s body was warm against yours.

_‘This is for survival,’_ you told yourself as you turned and embraced Loki in a hug. His warmth spread through your body, and he lifted his arms to hold you closer. You actually didn’t mind.

_‘Wait… What? Survival only!’_

“What are you doing here?” Loki whispered in your ear. You shivered and dug your head into his chest. He was obviously going to press you for an explanation to why you’re being chased by two god-knows-what in the middle of the night, in the village of all places, when you had told Loki and Thor that you were probably going to sleep all night because you were so tired.

“Why are you here?” he whispered again, and you pulled your head out of the warmth of his coat to look up into his eyes. They were twinkling in the dim light and filled with curiosity. You sighed and started to explain that you had been sneaking out to the village since the second night here, by no special reason other than wanting to get away from the palace. He looked rather shocked at your explanation.

“Darling, I can take you here anytime you want! You don’t have to sneak out to go to the village, just say the word and I’ll take you!”

“But…”

You didn’t want to say that you didn’t want to bother him, because that was a lie. You didn’t want to _be_ with him. You wanted the village to be your own little hideout, where you could drop the matter and ignore all the thoughts about Loki. How do you stop thinking about someone when you’re in their company?

“Darling?”

You looked up at Loki, who was looking at you with concern in his eyes.

_‘He does have beautiful eyes,’_ you thought.

_‘And he’s so warm, and he saved me from those people.’_

“What are _you_ doing here?” you asked, trying to draw his attention away from the fact that you didn’t want him to take you to the village.

Loki chuckled and smiled, and the usual warmth filled your body.

“I come here every now and then to get away from the palace life. It may be interesting, but the village has another atmosphere. Plus, I have to make sure the storytellers’ stories are real,” he added and chuckled again.

You didn’t say anything, just pressed your head to his chest and savored the warmth. He lifted his hand from your back to stroke some hair behind your ear. The other ear was pressed to his chest and you heard his heart beat with a slow rhythm. Your legs were still jelly and, even though your stomach revolted against the feeling you got from hugging the prince and your head was a jumble of conflicting thoughts and emotion, you were warm and happy, and that was what mattered.

You were warm and happy _because of Loki_.


	9. Warning for Loki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki makes a confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone up for some Loki feels?
> 
> Here to deliver them is....  
> *drum roll*  
> Chapter nine!
> 
> btw, wait till you get to chapter 13.  
> Just sayin'
> 
> #notatallteasingsinceI'monchapter18andboyistheresmut
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments, it's incredible! I'm gonna need F-E-E-D-B-A-C-K so comment! :P  
> Thank you, I love you, now:  
> Chapter nine, warming up the feels

“Do you want to go somewhere else?” Loki asked. He didn’t sound like himself, with his mischievous tone; he sounded kind, caring. You felt like you were about to walk off a cliff, but nodded.

“Where to?” Loki asked and you shrugged since you didn’t know the village very well.

 “How about an inn not far from here? They’ve got great food, and I bet you’re hungry,” Loki proposed and you nodded again, unable to find your voice.

Loki slowly let go of you and turned to start walking. You shivered in the cold and walked after him, thinking that you should have brought something warm for the night’s chilly hours. Loki, however, seemed to notice you were shaking.

“Are you okay?”

Somehow, you found yourself bewildered by the question. Were you okay? Could you call this “okay”? You were shivering from the cool air and your legs still felt like jelly after the earlier events.

“Yes, my prince,” you managed to blurt out and immediately regretted your words. You hadn’t spoken to any of the princes with those formal words in weeks. Loki didn’t comment your choice of words.

“I think you’re freezing.”

“I’m not,” you said through clattering teeth. “Maybe a little.”

Loki chuckled, took his coat off, and moved to hang it over your shoulders but you shrugged it off.

“I said I’m okay!” you said, not quite managing to get the angry tone you wanted. It sounded more desperate, like “please, do that again, I’m freezing to death.” Loki chuckled.

“Darling, you’re obviously not okay. I’m not going to let you freeze to death in my company.”

With that, he draped the coat around you and hugged you tightly. He only had a shirt on underneath it, which meant he was going to be freezing instead. You felt like giving him the coat back, but you knew it wasn’t an option so you welcomed the warmth. Loki let go of you and tucked a strand of hair in behind your ear.

“Better?”

“Yes,” you said with a smile. Even though you didn’t want to think positively about this man, you couldn’t help but admire how much of a gentleman he was.

That reminded you of the last time he had acted like a gentleman to you. He had helped you onto your horse, lent you his shirt, offered to send dinner to your room…

_‘He did something else as well,’_ a little voice in your head that you hadn’t heard in three weeks told you. It seemed Loki made this voice appear.

Loki had, indeed, done something else. Something you both enjoyed and hated, something that shot a pang of guilt through your body every time you thought about it but still felt good. Something you had only done once, with _him_.

Loki stopped outside of a large wooden door. Windows on both sides of it informed you that the place was packed with people, despite the late hour. Loki held the door open for you—another check-off on the gentleman list—and you entered.

The room was, indeed, packed. The inn was like a larger version of the pub where Awah worked, but lighter and cheerful. There was no stage but a long bar that stretched across the room along the far wall. A large man with round, pink cheeks was serving guests by the bar while young boys and girls served the guests by the tables. Loki walked straight towards the man by the bar, a smirk playing on his face. You followed him, not wanting to be left alone.

“My prince! What an honor!” the man exclaimed as Loki leaned onto the bar. “The usual?” he then asked with a wink.

You smiled a little at the realization that you and Loki probably had been in the village at the same time often, just Loki was here while you were with Awah.

“No, no, I’ve brought a friend,” Loki said, and the bartender looked at you. You realized you must look pretty silly in Loki’s coat, but smiled and took the man’s outstretched hand. He presented himself as Ullr.

“A drink for the pretty lady?” he asked, winking at you. You opened your mouth to answer, but your stomach got ahead of you with a loud grumble. Loki and Ullr laughed before Ullr suggested something to eat instead. You blushed at your stomach’s timing but nodded and accompanied Loki over to a table to wait while Ullr personally prepared the mushroom stew he had suggested.

A silence stretched out between you and Loki, but it wasn’t awkward. It was expectant. You didn’t know what you were waiting for, but you spent your time looking over the room. You were sitting on a sofa in a corner with Loki to your left. The corner was dim, but cozy. Loki was sitting like he had thrown himself onto the seat, legs spread. He was drumming with his fingers on the table and looking out over the room. You noticed he was holding his left shoulder a bit high, like he didn’t want it to touch the wall behind him.

“How is your shoulder?” you asked. Loki didn’t seem to notice you.

“Loki?”

This time he jumped and looked at you.

“Sorry! I was just wondering about your shoulder.”

“Oh… I’m fine. It’s a bit bruised, but it’ll heal…”

“That’s good.”

“About that…”

Loki was now looking out over the room again, seemingly searching for words. You waited patiently until he spoke again.

“Thank you for… taking care of me earlier.”

You bit your lip and looked down, blushing.

“Darling?”

You looked back up at Loki, who was once again looking at you.

“I really mean it. Thank you. It… it felt much better.”

You felt your jaw drop. Was this the same Loki you had met three weeks ago, saying _thank you_ to you?

Thankfully, Ullr showed up with your stew just in time to break the moment.

“Now, now, I know it’s good, but you don’t have to be so shocked about my skills,” Ullr said, winking at your open mouth. Loki chuckled and stretched his legs, moving closer to you. You took the spoon Ullr had given you and tasted the stew.

“How is it?” Loki asked. You swallowed the hot stew.

“It’s great. I didn’t realize how hungry I was.”

“Your belly certainly did.”

You almost choked on your second spoonful of stew, but managed to swallow it through the laughter. Loki was laughing with you. His laugh was so different from Thor’s, but somehow you liked it better. It sounded like mischief. It made you smile even wider as you swallowed more stew.

Loki was sitting so close to you that your legs were touching. He commented your clothing.

“I have to dress up like this as a disguise.”

Loki chuckled.

“Well, it worked when you were at a distance, but I did recognize you up close.”

“I didn’t really expect to meet someone I knew,” you said before you could stop yourself.

“Neither did I.”

You finished your stew and pushed the bowl away while leaning back. You felt like falling asleep right here, right now.

“What now?” Loki asked with a smile. His head was tilted a bit to the left, his eyes locked on your face. You shrugged.

“Tired?”

“Mm.”

Ullr walked up to your table with a grin splashed across his face.

“Was the stew to your satisfaction?”

“Yes, thank you very much.”

“No problem. I wouldn’t disappoint the prince’s lady,” he said and winked again. Loki started laughing again, and you couldn’t stop yourself but laughed as well. Ullr looked confused, his thin eyebrows pulled together.

Finally, Loki looked up.

“She’s not my lady, Ullr, but I don’t think you should disappoint her anyway”, he said.

Ullr laughed.

“So, what now? Leaving, or should I get you a room?”

“We’re lea-“, you started, but Loki cut you off.

“A room would be fine.”

You turned to him, sending him an angry look.

“You’re not up for the walk home anyways”, he shrugged. You crossed your arms and pouted with your lips, making him chuckle. Ullr just laughed and walked over to leave your bowl in the kitchen before leading you to an empty room. You took the chance to argue with Loki.

“Why may I not return to my room in the palace?”

“You’re too tired and too full to walk back, it’s _very_ late and they’ve got really soft beds here anyway.”

You realized Loki was right, and it couldn’t hurt to spend one night outside of the palace.

_‘I just hope there are two beds…’_

Ullr reappeared and led you to your room. Much to your disappointment, there was only one bed, but you figured you could sleep on the small couch that was set beneath a window. Loki was too tall for it, and he was paying for the room, so he could have the bed.

“If you want me to, I’ll sleep on the couch,” Loki said. You turned to him and looked into his eyes. Your mother always told you that a person’s eyes revealed their secrets. In Loki’s eyes was nothing but concern.

“You’re too tall for the couch, I’ll sleep there,” you tried, but Loki chortled and shook his head.

“No, you take the bed. I’ll be okay with the couch, I swear.”

“I’m not making you sleep on a couch!”

“Why not?”

“You’re the damn prince!”

Loki stared at you, visibly shocked.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I just—” you squealed, shocked by your own language.

“It’s okay, it’s just…”

You interrupted before he could develop.

“We’ll share the bed. It’s big and I don’t take much space, I promise.”

You didn’t know why you said it, but it was done now.

Still, the time you had spent with Loki, laughed and talked, had been pleasant. You felt differently around him now that you had spent some time alone with him, outside of the palace and away from the pressure. You had actually enjoyed it.

“I- I can’t-“

“Why not? Loki, it’s not like earlier. We’re friends, right?”

You were shocked by your own words, and so was Loki.

“Fine, then. It’s… It’s… fine, I guess.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t know, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Loki…”

He was looking at his feet, and it almost looked like he was ashamed.

“I’m sorry about what I did earlier,” he said. He still wasn’t looking up.

“What did you do?” You honestly had no idea what Loki had done wrong tonight.

“I mean… earlier. Weeks ago. When I… You really seemed afraid. I… I was just trying to help. I don’t know… I mean… how to… I just wanted to help. Maybe I was helping in the wrong way.”

“Loki…” you whispered. You were shocked, you really were, your mouth was hanging open, forming a perfect “o”, and your pulse was among the skies. He still didn’t look up, but stood there, hands behind his back. You slowly took two steps towards him and embraced him. He stiffened, obviously not ready for your action, but hugged you back. You rubbed his back with one hand while the other snaked up to his neck to twiddle his hair between your fingers. He held you tightly, and you soon noticed he was crying. This was another kind of tears, though, from what you had seen earlier. Loki was _crying_.

“Loki, you… you did help. My nightmares disappeared,” you whispered. He was sobbing quietly and didn’t answer, so you continued. “Even though I was… scared of you, I see you in a different way now, Loki. I was afraid of what you’d do to me, but after tonight… I’m not afraid.”

“I just…” he started. “I just wanted someone… someone I could keep close,” he said. Stunned by his declaration, you squeezed him tighter.

“I’ll be close to you, Loki. You’ve done so much for me, and all I’ve done is avoid you. I think that I don’t understand you. Sometimes you’re scary, but sometimes…”

Your voice faded as you didn’t know what to say. Loki was still shaking in your arms. You stood like that for a while until Loki spoke up.

“You don’t have to spend the night here if- if you don’t want to.”

“I do.”

Loki sighed and pulled out of the hug. His eyes were puffy from crying, but didn’t miss his usual glow.

You smiled at him and said;

“Let’s go to sleep, shall we? It’s late.”

Loki nodded and walked out to the corridor to let you change. You didn’t have much choice than to sleep in your shirt, since you hadn’t got any clothes with you.

_‘You didn’t exactly know you would be spending the night here with Loki…’_ the voice inside your head said. You sighed and knocked the door.

“Loki? You can come in now!”

Loki opened the door and stepped in. He had changed as well, and stood in front of you in nothing but his underwear. You couldn’t help but stare, but he didn’t notice. He walked right over to the bed, threw himself onto it and pulled the covers over his body. You followed him, but instead of lying down on the other side you lay beside Loki. He was looking at you, his green eyes glittering. You smiled and pulled him into a tight hug, nuzzling your nose in his neck. He sighed and held you close.

Your eyelids became heavier and heavier as you drifted off to sleep. Before you were completely gone, you could’ve sworn you heard him whisper something in your ear.

 


	10. He's still weird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki doesn't know what he feels towards you, and you don't know what you feel towards Loki.
> 
> How do you solve this problem?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW
> 
> I KNOW
> 
> I said I might (MIGHT) update this Tuesday, but I've had hell of a week with school and everything, plus I gave you something else instead of this chapter so be happy :D  
> Really, though, I love the one-shot thing I uploaded (check it out, it's called ''Nightmare''), although it was better in my head O.o
> 
> The thing is Loki is an adorable little shit.
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and amazing comments, I love you guys!  
> Now, read and enjoy, chapter 10 (which is feelsy)

You woke up in silence. Your body was tangled with the sheets, and when you tugged at them they wouldn’t dislodge. They were stuck somewhere. You tugged again. Still stuck. You groaned and rolled over to fit under the covers.

Your body hit a warm wall. Somebody’s back. Your eyes flew open.

You were in bed in the little room in the inn. Next to you in bed was Loki.

_Next to you in bed was Loki._

You reached out and touched his pale skin. He was lying on his left shoulder, looking away from you, with the sheets twisted around him. You edged closer and snuck an arm around his warm body. He was breathing slowly, obviously asleep.

Sunlight was shining in through the window above the couch, you wondered what time it was.

“What time is it?” a drowsy voice wondered.

“I don’t know. Did I wake you up?” you answered. Loki did that quick exhale laugh that was so cute.

“Yes, but I couldn’t have awoken in a better way.”

You blushed at his words. It felt like something had changed after yesterday; you understood Loki better now, you knew why he was acting so strangely around you—he liked you, a lot, and he’d done so for a while. He also needed someone by his side and of course you’d understand that. He always seemed to be alone. A pang of guilt shot through your heart as you realized how tough it must’ve been for him when you spent all your time with Thor, who initially didn’t even want you in the palace.

“Breakfast?” Loki asked.

“That would be perfect.”

Loki rolled over to face you. He looked sleepy, but happy.

“You know what?”

“No.”

“I think we’re going to have to call it brunch,” he said with a joyful smile playing his lips. You laughed and cuddled up next to him. He reached around you to hold you, but grunted in pain when his shoulder told him otherwise.

“How is your shoulder?” you quietly asked. Loki sighed.

“It’s worse than I thought. I’m lucky it’s the left one, though, because I’m right-handed and I don’t want any problems with swinging my sword,” he answered and winked at you.

 _‘What was that?’_ the little voice in your head asked you.

_‘A wink?’_

_‘I mean the jolt in your stomach.’_

A discussion with yourself was the last thing you wanted now. You were still unsure about what in the heavens you were doing in a bed with Loki, cuddling up to him  _voluntarily_ and actually enjoying his company, but it felt good.

You and Loki eventually got up and dressed. A while later you were sitting by a table, waiting for Ullr to serve you “the best breakfast he’s ever made.” The fact that it was well past lunchtime didn’t bother him at all.

“Doesn’t he ever close the inn?” you asked Loki, who had earlier explained that he and Ullr were friends since long.

“Well, he does, for just a few hours. He must’ve closed the place right after we went to bed, I think. He owns this inn with his wife, and they work in shifts. They have different business hours on weekends, so they get more sleep and time together.”

“That must be irritating, never getting to see each other.”

“I guess so, but they put up with it. Ullr says it’s like a fairytale: he grew up with a dream, met the one and they lived their dream together,” Loki chuckled and you smiled at the thought.

Ullr came over to your table with two large trays with food on them. He put them down and left you to eat immediately, which you didn’t waste any time to do. You ate in silence, and when you were finished Loki paid for the visit. You wanted to pay for yourself, but since you didn’t have any money that would be hard. Loki said he didn’t have any problems with paying for you either way.

After breakfast, you made your way back to the castle.

When you were on your way through in the palace, you heard a booming voice call your names. You turned around to see Thor walking towards you, red in his face and with murder in his eyes. You actually took a step back, that’s how mad he seemed.

“Where  _were_ you?” he shouted, stopping in front of you both. Loki took as step closer to you, as to protect you. You ignored the action, too afraid to say anything; a vein was pulsating in Thor’s temple and he kept opening and closing his hands while taking deep breaths.

“We were only in the village—” Loki started, but Thor interrupted him.

“’ONLY IN THE VILLAGE’, YOU SAY, LIKE IT’S NOTHING!” he roared and this time Loki actually stepped back as well. “I WAS WORRIED FOR YOU! CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE THE THINGS—CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE HOW WORRIED I WAS?”

“Brother, calm down, we were perfectly safe-“

“WERE YOU? WAS SHE? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?” Thor thundered, eyeing you with a wild look in his eyes.

“I did nothing to her.”

You were surprised that Loki could keep such a calm voice when it felt like hell was breaking loose.

“You’re lying,” Thor whispered. You were even more intimidated by his whisper, but you felt like it was time to step up and steer this conversation along the right road.

“He did nothing,” you said. Thor sent you a skeptical look.

“I really didn’t!” Loki said.

“I don’t trust you.  _Something_ must have happened, brother, or she wouldn’t be with you voluntarily, as you say she is.”

“I only—” Loki started, but he stopped himself. He didn’t have any problem with you sneaking out during nights, but Thor on the other hand…

“You WHAT?” Thor yelled. He had stopped clenching his fists, but he was still red in the face and the vein in his temple looked like it would burst. Loki bit his lip, not knowing what to do, and you felt like fainting right there. He was so adorable when he did that. Your heart went crazy as he turned to you and opened his mouth to say something. When he saw your face, he laughed that exhaling laugh, and if it hadn’t been for the current circumstances you would have fallen right into his arms.

Unfortunately, Loki wasn’t the only one to notice your reaction. Thor snorted and stalked off, muttering curses that were too inappropriate to even think, and you were left with Loki, who didn’t seem to have any problems with you being star struck by his actions.

 _‘Maybe now I can fall into his arms?’_ you asked yourself. Loki was talking to you, but you didn’t listen.

“Darling? Are you listening?”

_‘And now he goes “darling”. He definitely knows which buttons to press.’_

“Uhm… yes?”

Loki smirked.

“What did I say, then?”

“Err…”

Loki chortled and pulled you into a tight hug. Suddenly, you knew the difference between his and Thor’s hugs, as you’d gotten your fair share of both: Loki’s hugs were warm and comfortable and sent sparkles through your body, where Thor’s hugs were warm and rib-cracking.

You found yourself thinking that you preferred Loki’s.

 

*Loki’s POV*

Holding her felt so good.

Too good.

I never wanted to let her go, but what was I supposed to do?

I took a step back, releasing her, but she didn’t let go. Instead, she giggled and followed me.

“Really?” I asked, trying to sound irritated but failing. Instead, I chuckled and she giggled again.

_‘It feels too good.’_

“I just realized how much you’ve done for me,” she whispered into my chest. I sighed. She made everything so tough for me. I wanted to tell her everything, everything about me, even about my watching her. About every time I dressed up as a simple farmer only to visit her village and catch a glimpse of her and I even paid my father’s spies to let me take their assignment, just so that I could be near her. Everything, just because of what her stepfather told me.

He’d showed up, a late night in the castle, maybe a year ago. He’d said he had a daughter who wasn’t good for anything, who kept to herself and didn’t want to create a family of her own, and that he was willing to sell her as a servant to the castle. My father had been awfully angry with her stepfather, for he still missed his best friend, her mother. He started spying on her as well, and that was when I discovered her.

_‘I wonder if she remembers…’_

“What are you thinking of?” she asked. I was pulled out of my thoughts and realized she was looking at me intently. I shrugged.

“I am not sure,” I said, and finished the sentence in my head.

_‘How to tell you…’_

“Well, something is going on in there”, she said and tapped my head with a finger. I laughed and pulled her closer, hugging her again. It felt so good.

_‘Too good.’_

“Do you remember an encounter with a farmer, maybe a year ago, in your village?” I asked.

_‘There, it’s done, I can’t back out of it now.’_

“I spoke to farmers all the time,” she said.

“Well, this one was _different,_ ” I tried.

“There was this gentleman who looked at me like he had seen a ghost. He bumped into me and ran off.”

“Do you remember what he looked like?”

“Why are you asking about that?”

“Just answer.”

“I… he had hidden his face in a hood. I only saw his eyes when it fell off…”

I didn’t answer. I felt her body stiffen in my embrace and immediately let her go. She took a step back and looked up at me. She was on the verge of tears, and she was glaring at me like never before.

I opened my mouth to say something, but she beat me to it.

“He looked very much like you… A bit too much, if I could say so,” she said, her voice a bit shaky.

“It was me,” I said. I was surprised by how desperate my voice sounded.

“Why?” she whispered.

“I… I just…” I couldn’t find the words to describe this. I didn’t recognize the feelings I had for her, because I had never felt like that for anyone, and now she had spent three weeks in my presence, and I had not _dared_ talk to her. I needed to tell her how I felt.

_‘But how?’_

The three weeks she had been here had only proved her to be just the girl I fell in love with, even better. She was like a dream.

“Thor told me that your father spied on us all, and that you were interested in _me_ , and he told me that you wanted to see me, but he didn’t tell me you _did_. Why?”

“He- he doesn’t- I- he doesn’t know. Nobody knows. I did it alone”, I said, and now my voice was trembling as well. She blinked some tears away, still looking straight into my eyes. Did she know how much I loved looking into her eyes? Her eyes made the stars look like they weren’t shining. I loved waking up and knowing that I _might_ just be able to look into them again.

Her question was still hanging in the air, and I knew I had to answer.

_Why?_

_‘Because I love you, because I love being close to you, because I love talking to you, because everything you do makes me love you even more, because the sound of your voice lights my every day up, because you’re the sweetest person I know, because everything, everything, about you, makes me weak, and because I love you.’_

“Because… I did it because I wanted to see you. I just wanted to be close to you. When my father’s spies came back, reporting that his best friend’s child had grown to be such a beautiful woman, I knew I had to see you. I just wished to meet you, to see if they were right.”

“Loki…”

“My father and your mother were the best of friends once. When the war started, Odin didn’t even know your mother was there but when he found out, he went mad. He had the warrior who took her killed, he made sure to send the best man he knew to be your stepfather, to raise you and love you both, and he kept an eye on you. He hated himself for what he had done but he did all he could to make it up to you. Have you ever wondered where all the money came from when you needed them the most? It was him. And one day, after hearing all the good I heard about you, I had to go.”

I pulled her into a close embrace.

“And the spies were wrong. They said you were beautiful, but you’re stunning. They said you were smart, but you’re wiser than them, and they said you would be a good woman, but you’re perfect.” I whispered into her ear. Tears were falling down my cheeks as I whispered, and her sobbing told me I wasn’t the only one crying.

“And after seeing you, I was walking on clouds. I didn’t fall for you, darling, you tripped me,” I whispered into her ear.

I woke up, breathing heavily and with tears in my eyes.

_‘It was just a dream.’_

_‘But it felt so real…’_

It was dark outside. I sat up in my bed and let the sheets fall off my chest. My shoulder was throbbing with pain, but I didn’t care. I walked over to the bathroom and splashed my face with water, and then I got dressed and walked out, aiming for the library.

When I turned the corner and walked into the library corridor, I saw someone sneaking around in the other end of the corridor. I hid myself in the shadows and saw the person coming closer, then turning and walking in behind a tapestry that hid a secret passageway to the stable. I followed them down the stairs, listening closely for any sound they might make. I had my suspicion on who it was, but still followed. She had said she was going to bed but, of course, she might just have said that for us not to come looking for her. She did yesterday night, after all.

When I walked out into the stable, I saw her exiting twenty feet away from me. I sped up and rounded the corner right after her. She walked straight into the high grass and followed the road towards the village.

 _‘Why didn’t I think of that?’_ I asked myself as I followed her.

Suddenly, she stopped, and I reacted too slowly. She heard my steps and turned around. Her body tensed up, but she relaxed when she recognized me.

“What are you doing?” she asked. I smirked.

“Making sure you won’t need my help again,” I said.

“I doubt they will come after me again.”

“Do not be so sure, my dear.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“I don’t doubt that.”

“Then why did you follow me?”

 “I couldn’t fall asleep, so I went to the library, but I caught a mischievous girl escaping the palace and had to follow her. I call it instinct.” I said with a smile. She started laughing, and I couldn’t hold myself but laughed with her. She threw a look over her shoulder towards the village.

“Can I go with you?” I asked with a begging tone in my voice. She looked over her shoulder once again, shrugged and looked back at me.

“I changed my mind. I’ll go back.” she said and started walking back. I quickly followed, keeping up with her fast pace.

“Why would you change your mind so quickly? Do you wish to be alone?” I asked.

“No, it’s not that, I love being with you, but…” she trailed off. I didn’t press the matter since it was obvious that she didn’t want to talk about it, but I couldn’t ignore the warmth spreading in my chest at her words.

_‘She loves being with me…’_

We walked in silence through the castle. I needed the time to think anyways. My dream had mirrored my feelings toward her, but did I really feel _that_ much for her? I knew I liked her, even more than that, but… did I love her? Could I call it love? I had known her for a year, but she had known me for a few weeks. Did she like me? What did she think of me? I had thought she hated me, but after yesterday it seemed I was wrong.

 _‘So? She’s not worthy of you. You’re a prince,’_ a voice in my head said. I knew that it was right.

_‘I cannot simply stand away from her. She’s what keeps me up these days.’_

_‘What if she hates you?’_

_‘She doesn’t.’_

_‘Are you sure?’_

_‘What does she think about me?’_

“What was that?” she asked. I snapped out of my thoughts, looking around.

“What was what?”

“What did you say?”

“Did I say something?”

“Yes, you did! You asked me what she thinks about you!”

“I did?”

I felt my cheeks heating. Had I uttered the last thought out loud?

“Who is it?”

“Who is what?”

“Who are you wondering about?”

“Wondering what?”

“What she thinks of you!”

“What?”

She suddenly started laughing. I didn’t know what to do, so I stood there and laughed a little, unsure of what to say.

“Come on, Loki, what were you thinking about?”

“I… I was thinking about… someone.” I mumbled.

“You should have seen yourself! You almost walked into the wall, that’s how deep in thought you were!” she said and laughed again. I smiled faintly at her, thinking she was playing a trick on me.

“Really, though, who is it?” she asked, a joyful smile playing her lips.

 _‘I could kiss her all day if she would only let me.’_ I thought. Unconsciously, I took a step closer to her and reached out, taking her hands in mine.

“I was thinking about you”, I said. She smiled at me.

“Do you want to know what I think of you?”

“I don’t know, do I?” I said and smirked. Two can play this game.

“I think you’re strange, but you’re fun and you care, and you are actually pretty nice sometimes, and I can’t keep my eyes off you when you do certain things…”

I smirked again.

“But you’re still weird,” she warned me playfully. I laughed and let go of her hands. We were in the library corridor, right outside the doors.

“I don’t know about you, but I won’t be falling asleep for a while so I’m going to get something to read.”

I motioned to the doors behind me.

“I’ll go with you, I’ve never been in the library.” she said.

“Well, then, brace yourself,” I said and winked. I could almost see her heart jumping as I did. I smirked and opened the doors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized this chapter is a bit confusing xD  
> So I'll explain it to you;
> 
> Loki's dream starts at Loki's POV, everything until that actually happened and then when Loki's POV starts the dream starts. The dream takes place the night after the one they spent in the village, so we skipped a whole day after Thor's rage.
> 
> Thanks for reading<3


	11. Loki love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The library was almost as amazing as what happened after it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ^ nuff said
> 
> Don't check the end notes unless you want this chapter spoiled. Tip; you don't want it spoiled.
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: OVER 100 KUDOS OMG ILY<3

You were completely stunned by the library: row after row of books in every language imaginable, small and large, thick and thin. Your jaw dropped at the sight eliciting a chuckle from the man behind you.

“I thought you would spend most of your time here,” Loki said, drawing your attention back to him.

“I’ve been reading the books in my room. I’m almost finished with them, though, so I suppose I will have to borrow some from here?”

“You are free to take any book as long as you return them here.”

You smiled at Loki and wandered over to the closest bookshelf. As your eyes roamed the books, you stretched your hand out and picked one at random. It was heavy and dusty with thick leather bindings; you wondered how long time it had been there.

“Some of these books are over a hundred years old,” Loki whispered in your ear. You jumped, startled, and dropped the book. Loki cursed, kneeled to pick the book up, and you heard a creak as the doors opened behind you. Loki looked up and flew into standing position, but the damage was already done. Thor looked at him, eyes popping, and you could see the vein in his temple pulsating even from the distance you were at.

_Not good._

“What… what are you doing?” Thor asked, his voice barely audible. It would have been better if he was screaming.

“Brother, it’s not what you think, the book—”

“This… this is too much.”

He left and as the sound of his steps in the corridor faded, you released the breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.

Loki sighed and handed you the book. It wasn’t damaged, at least you couldn’t see anything wrong, so you opened it and read the title.

“It is in an interesting book, but sad”, Loki said, breaking the somewhat awkward silence that had stretched out after Thor’s exit.

“Have you read it?”

“Yes, twice. I should reread it soon,” he added with a thoughtful expression. You laughed and put it back in its place.

“I don’t feel like a sad book at the moment.”

“Nor do I.”

Loki strolled away between the shelves and, after some searching, you eventually found something to read then walked over to a big, puffy couch in the corner where Loki was lying with a book of his own.

“Can I sit here?” you asked and gestured to the part of the couch where his legs were resting. Loki smirked and sat up.

“Of course.”

You smiled and took a seat next to him. He leaned back and returned to his book, and you opened yours.

 

 

After a rather long while you found yourself cuddled up next to Loki, who had one arm around you and held his book up with the other; you wondered when you had changed positions.

_‘What is the deal with Loki, anyway?’_

_‘I’m not sure. He makes me feel like… happy. Still, he scares me, but I like him. There is a reason I’m afraid, and that is not a good reason.’_

_‘Perhaps it is?’_

_‘Old, drunk people in pubs?’_

_‘Didn’t he tell you he had to “make sure the story-tellers’ stories were real”?’_

_‘That was a joke.’_

_‘Do you know that for sure? Or do you want to believe it?’_

_‘He wouldn’t do such things.’_

_‘Would he not?’_

Loki unconsciously fondled the side of your stomach under the loose shirt you wore and you closed your eyes for a moment, enjoying his touch.

_‘I’m giving up on you…’_

_‘Good, then I can have Loki all to myself.’_

_‘What?’_

You sighed in pleasure and Loki stopped. You opened your eyes and felt his hand leaving your body, so you took it in yours.

“Darling?”

“Loki?”

He laughed his little exhaling laugh and continued, now moving to your hip and tracing only one finger back to your stomach. You sighed again and closed your eyes, savoring the moment.

“Darling?” Loki asked again.

“Yes?”

“It is very late, we should go to bed. We need to rest.”

“But I don’t want to.”

“My love, I never told you I would stop doing this, but we do need to get some rest.”

You opened your eyes and tilted your head to look up at Loki. What was he suggesting?

“What do you mean?” you asked, a knot forming in your stomach. Did he mean you should share a bed _again_?

His beautiful green eyes locked yours. He smiled, not the usual smirk but a real smile, something you had seen a lot of lately.

“Only if you want to.” he said.

“I… I…” you didn’t know how to answer. You both wanted to and didn’t.

“You choose, I’m not making you do anything. I just want to be with you.”

“Only for tonight,” you breathed, and Loki smiled again. You both closed your books and got up from the couch. He took your hand and whispered in your ear:

“Your room or mine?”

“Mine,” you said without thinking, and then immediately regretted it. You would have loved to see Loki’s quarters. You had only ever been in Thor’s, which was a kind of second home to you, but Loki’s…

While you had been preoccupied with your thoughts, Loki had led you to your door.

You smiled and entered the room when Loki opened the door, then stopped and looked at the bed. Last time he had been here was the night when you had nightmares and you had awoken to see him in your bed; you had been awfully angry at him and sent him away.

Loki snaked his arms around your waist and whispered something in your ear, though you didn’t hear it as you were still lost in thought; he kissed the side of your neck and sent a shiver rippling through your body.

Loki led you over to the bed and let you fall onto it, then laid down next to you and took you in his arms. You laid your head on his shoulder and let him fondle your hips, his hands trailing slowly to your upper thighs, then your sides. Finally he traced a finger across your stomach, following the edge of your trousers.

He placed a finger under your chin and lifted your face, leaning in to kiss you; you kissed him back, even though your mind was positively raging. You lifted your hands to caress his sides and he flipped you over so that you were straddling him. You felt his hardness through his trousers and ignored the jolt of fear that shot through your body as you kissed him again, this time with more passion.

_‘Feeding the wolf, feeding the wolf, feeding the wolf, hungry wolf, hungry wolf…’_

Loki sat up so that you sat on his lap, now caressing your back. You mirrored his actions and heard him grunt; his left arm’s intensity ceased and you stopped fondling his shoulder. All of a sudden you realized what you were doing and quickly pulled away. Loki’s eyes immediately locked with yours, filled with… was that fear?

You sighed and hugged him, resting your head on his shoulder; he returned it though his entire body was tense, you could sense his concern. Was he that afraid to hurt you?

“I am so sorry, darling. It will never happen again, I swear”, he whispered into your ear.

“Loki…” you answered, but you didn’t know what to say. You loved this, it felt good and it felt right, but something was tugging at the back of your mind. “Loki, I…” you tried to continue but failed.

“Don’t. I will leave now,” Loki said and started to pull out of your embrace, but you held him tighter in a desperate attempt to keep him with you.

“Loki, I actually liked it.” You said and looked into his eyes. Over the past few weeks you’d noticed that his eyes lit up when he was happy and darkened when he was sad; right now they were a light shade of green and practically sparkled with joy.

“I did as well,” he said.

_‘Don’t. You. Dare. Kiss him again.’_

_‘I thought you gave up on me.’_

_‘You need me if you’re going to survive this.’_

_‘Thank you for your cooperation,’_ you thought and leaned in to kiss Loki again, deeply and passionately.

After a while you had to break the kiss to breathe and found yourself staring at Loki, admiring the joyous expression playing across his features.

“By the way,” you said, smiling, “I never thanked you for helping me in the village.”

“This is enough as a thank you for me,” Loki smiled and kissed you lightly on the cheek.

You soon fell asleep in his arms, and for once, you weren’t tormented by nightmares.

 

 

You woke up in an empty bed, still fully dressed and a little confused. What had happened last night? You and Loki…

 _‘You and Loki,’_ your conscience stated with disgust. You chuckled and walked over to your bathroom to enjoy a hot bath. As you started to undress, you realized the painting in the room, the one with the fields and the farm and the little man with green eyes, hung a bit loosely, like someone had moved it. You approached it and gently pushed the side. It slid to the side and revealed a secret tunnel in the wall. There was a ladder inside.

Your curiosity took the upper hand and you crawled into the tunnel. The entrance was small but when you reached the ladder you could stand upright.

_‘The walls must be thick if they contain these kinds of things.’_

The ladder seemed to go one or two floors up. You pulled the painting back in place in front of the hole and started to climb.

At the top was a hole in the wall. You crawled into it and felt the wall in front of you. Another painting. You felt a small loop in the painting and tugged gently; the painting slid aside, revealing a huge bathroom. It had green and gold walls and on the opposite wall there was a door. It was slightly ajar. You snuck over to it and peered through the crack, out into the room.

You saw a large bed, with white sheets and green covers, and behind it you glimpsed two tall bookshelves, filled with books and random items. You opened the door a bit more and noticed two big wardrobes and a fireplace with two large, green armchairs. In one of them a man sat, reading a book, and though he had his back turned to you, you recognized his hair and the way he sat. It was Loki.

You made the mistake of opening the door a bit more and it creaked. You quickly backed away, but Loki had already seen you. You heard his fast steps coming towards the bathroom and started crawling back into the hole, but he was too fast. He looked angry when he entered the room but when he recognized you his expression softened.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“How do you explain this?” you retorted and gestured to the hole in the wall behind you. Loki laughed.

“An old thing from when this place was built. Trust me, I did not think of it when I picked your room.”

You snorted and gained another laugh from Loki.

“Although it is useful, isn’t it?” he asked and embraced you. You snorted again but whispered “yes” and he laughed.

“You seem to be happy today.”

“Could not be happier,” Loki whispered in your ear. The tingling feeling from yesterday shot through your body again as he leaned in and kissed you gently.

A knock on the door disturbed you and Loki sighed.

“Stay here,” he said and walked out. You crept over to the door and saw Thor barging in, shouting at his brother.

“ _Where is she_?” he shouted, looking around.

“Brother, why do you worry so for her? She can take care of herself!”

“I’m not worried about her, I’m worried about what you would do to her!”

“I would never hurt her, I swear! I did not go through all that trouble only to destroy her, and I certainly do not wish to harm her. She means too much to me, you know it.”

“She means much to me as well, brother, and I know your wicked kind of love. It is not healthy for her.”

“No matter how wicked my “love” is, I have never felt for anyone like I feel for her. She means the world to me.”

“You finally know what love feels like, then?”

“I think so, yes.”

“Good, then I will show you how it feels to love someone you could never have.”

“Thor, don’t you dare—”

“Why not? You did it to me! You did it only to see me broken, so why couldn’t I?”

“It was a stupid game—”

“It destroyed me, Loki, and you know it. I do not wish to further discuss this matter, but remember one thing: if you hurt her, I will hurt you.”

You heard Thor leave the room, but Loki did not return to the bathroom. You slowly opened the door and peeked out to see Loki slumped in his armchair, staring into the wall above the fireplace.

“Loki?”

He didn’t answer. You walked over to him and noticed silent tears ran down his face and his eyes were getting red and puffy.

“Loki…”

“I deserve it.”

“Deserve what?”

“Thor once loved a girl, a girl who was insanely beautiful. I was attracted to her, but she loved Thor as much as he loved her. I tricked her, made her fall for me instead, and broke his heart. I did that to my own brother. I hate myself for it, and he still hasn’t forgiven me. But the worst thing is that… that I…” Loki’s voice faded away. He was still looking at the wall, but you forced him to look into your eyes. They were a dark green and sad.

“Loki, it’s okay. Thor wouldn’t do that to you.”

“You do not know him like I. He wants revenge, and he sees the chance in you.”

“Why?”

“Because I feel the way I do: I cannot stand being without you, but you have spent all your time with him and it hurts me when he tells me about the things you do, the way you are when you’re together, and now that you are here with me I just… I just do not wish to lose you.”

“Loki…”

You had no idea how to deal with this declaration of…was it love? Could it really be love?

“If you wish to leave, do so. I find it hard to understand why you would rather be with me, the monster parents tell their children about at night, than with the soon-to-be king, the wonderful, loveable Thor. Just know that I want you here.”

“Loki, I would not wish for anything else than to be here with you,” you said and took his hands in yours. His eyes flashed with the happiness you had seen yesterday, but the sadness returned when he asked his next question.

“You said you would be close to me when we were in the village. Will you?”

You could see the doubt in his face. His beautiful face, the only place where you loved a mischievous grin, was dark and sad.

“Loki, I will stay close to you no matter what.”

Loki leaned forward until his face was only inches away from yours. He kissed you gently before answering.

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES
> 
> IT HAPPENED
> 
> YOU HAVE SO WAITED FOR THIS
> 
> FEEDBACK=I LOVE YOU  
> KUDOS= I LOVE YOU  
> JUST FUCKING READING IT= I LOVE YOU
> 
> *returns to writing chapter 21 with an evil grin*


	12. Disappointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being with Loki feels good, but everybody wants to tear you apart...  
> How will this end? What will Frigga say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
> My internet failed me yesterday, so here's the update, one day late,  
> I'M SORRY!
> 
> Still.... I've got over a hundred kudos O.o incredible! I don't deserve this!  
> I love you all, now enjoy chapter 12   
> *hiddles loki-love gif+wink*

You cuddled up with Loki in his bed and spent a long while there with him, just talking. You discussed everything possible, from riding to food to books, and you enjoyed it. You had started to enjoy being with Loki more and more.

There was a question you wanted to ask him, but you were afraid of hurting him. Fortunately, Loki led you into the subject of last night and gave you the opportunity to ask.

“Loki?”

“Yes?”

“Why did you leave me this morning?”

Loki sighed. You could tell he was trying to find the right words, so you didn’t press him any further.

“I was afraid that you would wake up and hate me,” he finally said. You sat up in shock and looked down at him with wide eyes.

“Why would I hate you?”

“Because…” Loki started, but he didn’t elaborate. You laid down next to him again and cuddled up next to him.

“I could never hate you, Loki. I might have been afraid of you, but I could never hate you. Not after what you’ve done for me. I mean, where would I be if it wasn’t for you? You saved my life twice, and for that I am ever so grateful.”

“I would do it a thousand times again, just for you,” Loki whispered in your ear. You tilted your head and kissed him lightly. He responded quickly, rolling over so that he lay on top of you. Your lips moved in perfect sync, like you were made for each other.

_‘G-r-o-s-s,’_ the tiny voice of your mind said.

_‘I’d rather be called sanity, since you have none.’_

_‘Well, thank you very much.’_

_‘You’re welcome- ew, what is he doing?’_

Loki was caressing your sides and a small moan escaped your lips; Loki smirked into the kiss, never breaking it. One of his hands made its way upwards…

You broke the kiss and looked away. Loki quickly stopped what he was doing and you could feel him looking at you with concern.

“Darling, is everything alright?”

You swallowed and turned your head to look into his eyes. He immediately understood and laid down next to you.

“If you don’t want to, we don’t have to,” he whispered in your ear. His cold breath on your cheek sent a shiver of pleasure down your spine, but the damage was already done. You were not ready for this, especially not for him. You opened your mouth to say something, but Loki placed a finger over your lips.

“It’s fine, darling, I understand.”

You still wanted to say sorry, but you didn’t know how. Or why, when you thought about it. What was it even between the two of you? What had happened?

Loki kissed the side of your neck and caressed your sides again. You closed your eyes and gave in to his touch.

Somebody knocked on the door and Loki both shot up.

“It must be my mother”, Loki said and climbed out of bed. You quickly followed, since you knew that the queen was not fond of love without marriage and no matter how much you tried to explain, that was what it looked like.

You smoothed the covers, then you walked over to sit in one of the armchairs while Loki opened the door. A female voice you did not recognize spoke. It sounded strong and intelligent, like someone who had been through a lot.

“Hello, mother”, Loki said.

“I was just wondering how you were doing since you haven’t been outside your room today,” the queen answered. You sat in silence, listening to their conversation.

“I am doing perfectly fine, mother, you need not worry about me,” Loki answered tiredly and sent a quick glance over to you. It wasn’t quick enough for his mother to miss it, though.

“Did I interrupt something?”

“N- no, not really-“

“You want me to leave. I know you. Go back to whatever you were doing,” Frigga said and patted her son’s shoulder. Loki grunted in pain.

“What happened?”

“Just… just a little injury after training with my brother. I swear, it is not as bad as it looks,” Loki explained and massaged his shoulder.

“Take care of yourself, Loki. Dinner is soon, maybe you could bring your guest?” Frigga said, then she embraced him swiftly before leaving. Loki sighed and turned to you with a faint smile. You smiled back and stood up to embrace him. He held you tightly and stroked your hair.

“How about dinner?” he asked. You laughed and nodded.

“Do you need to get ready?”

“Yes, I suppose so,” you said and walked over to the bathroom, crawled into the hole and climbed down the ladder. Thankfully, you still wore the shirt and trousers you had been wearing last night, so the climb wasn’t hard. You doubted you could get up the ladder in a dress.

When you were back in your room, you quickly changed and braided your hair. Then you pondered which way to go. You had no idea where Loki’s quarters were but you couldn’t climb the ladder with the dress. Luckily, Loki knocked on the door and escorted you to dinner.

Today, you sat next to Loki instead of as far away as possible. On Loki’s other side was Thor, who looked tired but happy. You wondered how he was doing; after all, you hadn’t spoken to him for a while.

After dinner, Thor actually asked to speak with you alone. You followed him out to an empty corridor and listened to what he had to say.

“You look terribly beautiful today,” he said and his breath smelled strongly of wine. He’d had too much, that was obvious.

“Thank you, Thor. You’re looking well.” you answered lightly.

“He’s wrong for you, you know”,  he continued, staring at a spot behind you.

“Who is?”

“My brother. The last time he claimed to love schomebody, she ended up as a sl-slave in a village far away. Do you want to-to know why? Because he grew _tired_ of her.”

“Thor, you’ve had too much to drink, you need to-“

“ _Don’t tell me what to do!_ ”

“You are drunk, and you don’t know what you’re saying, just-“

“I know what I’m saying,” he hissed, and a jolt of fear shot through your body. A knot started to form in your stomach as he came closer to you. You backed away and hit the wall. There was no escape, he had you cornered.

“Then do not speak like tha-“

“I will speak exactly how I want! I know what to do, I know what is happening. He is using you, and soon enough you will be crying at my feet, begging me to forgive you for not seeing it!”

“Thor, calm down, it is not like that.”

“It is. I know how to solve it. You need to change. You need to leave him, to break his heart.”

He came closer, and now you felt his breath on your skin. His face was inches away from yours.

“You just need to love _me._ ” Thor finished and let his lips meet yours. You tried to get away, but he was pinning you to the wall. You pushed, squirmed, even punched him, but he kept kissing you. You whimpered and grabbed hold of his hair, but he released you with one arm and caught yours. You kept trying to get away, but he was too strong for you.

Suddenly, he was off you, and you sank to the ground and buried your face in your hands. You heard Loki screaming at his brother, but you didn’t watch. You couldn’t. You felt the tears coming and let them come.

“Darling?” Loki said. You felt his hands on your shoulders but didn’t move.

“Sweetheart, what happened? Did he hurt you?”

_‘Yes, he did’_ , you thought, but you couldn’t say the words out loud.

“Please, answer me.” Loki said.

You let a sob escape your mouth and Loki let go of your shoulders. At first you thought he was going to leave you, but then his arms were under your knees and arms and he lifted you. You snaked your arms around his neck and held on like your life depended on it, and he carried you all the way back to your room, where he put you down on the bed. He helped you out of your dress and made sure you were comfortable and was about to leave when you grabbed his wrist and finally spoke.

“Please, stay.”

“I will”, he said, and quickly undressed himself until he was in his underwear, then he slid in under the covers and let you cuddle up next to him. You were still crying, and you were embarrassed to do so in front of Loki, but it had already happened and he didn’t comment it. Loki whispered soothing words to you until you fell asleep in his arms, just like the night before that, and the night before that one. And just like the nights before, you felt safe in his arms.

 

 

You woke up next to Loki, with your head on his chest. You heard his heart beating and lay there for a while, listening to the soft _thump, thump_.

After a while you felt uncomfortable with the position, so you tried to slowly withdraw your head from his chest. It worked, and you savored the moment of victory for a while before you felt the arm he had around you tense up. He moved his arm a little and took your hand in his.

“Did I wake you up again?” you asked jokingly. He chuckled softly and answered with a raspy voice:

“Yes, but as always I couldn’t have been woken up in a better way.”

You loved it when his voice sounded like that, just when he had woken up. His hair was a mess all over the pillow beneath his head, you noticed, and you laughed a little at that.

“What is it?” Loki asked. You smiled at his confused expression.

“Your hair is a mess.”

“It tends to end up like that, yes.” Loki laughed and kissed your forehead.

Somebody knocked the door. Loki sighed.

“You know what?” you asked. Loki shook his head. “I don’t care if somebody sees us like this.” Loki smiled at you and you got up, quickly pulled a shirt over your head and walked over to open the door. Outside was the very queen, Frigga. She threw one quick glance at the bed and looked back at you, and now she looked… not angry but _disappointed_.


	13. No regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Loki told you did shock you deeply, but not as much as what happened afterwards...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, TONS of people will accuse me of plagiarism for Eir.  
> But hey, Eir is the goddess of healing and medicine and such stuff in Norse mythology, and that is the ONLY reason I chose that name. Lots of stories use Eir, and I'm just another one, okay?
> 
> If anyone feels offended, it's okay, but you stole Eir from Snorre Sturlasson first. Don't know who Snorre Sturlasson is?  
> Too bad.  
> He wrote the Prose Edda.  
> Don't know what the Prose Edda is?
> 
> *sigh* Norse mythology...
> 
> Anyways, MERRY CHRISTMAS to all my beautiful readers! You guys are amazing, I've basically lived for you and this fanfiction for a while. My christmas gift to you is;  
> Chapter 13 of Fear  
> Chapter 14 of Fear  
> Caught, a Tom Hiddleston one-shot
> 
> Merry Christmas to you all<3

Loki immediately got out of bed and dressed. Frigga just looked at him, disappointment etched into her features.

“M-my queen…” you stuttered as a heavy knot formed in your stomach. Frigga smiled to you.

“No need to explain, my dear. I just need a quick word with my son,” she said and, as she looked back at Loki, her smile disappeared. You wondered how she had known Loki was here.

In any other situation, you would have been amused by Loki’s hollow expression, but the fear that had settled into the pit of your stomach made it impossible to feel anything else. Loki followed his mother out of the room and you got dressed. The look of disappointment on Frigga’s face when she saw Loki in _your_ bed had banished all of the color from your face and the knot in your stomach still wasn’t gone; all you could do was wait for Loki to return.

After a while, Loki knocked and entered the room. He looked like he felt just like you, and you knew why. He had explained that his mother wasn’t very fond of love without marriage, but he himself did not want to get married. The queen did not like the idea of you, of all people, together with Loki either. He had never explained why you were different, but you felt like an explanation was needed here, so you demanded it. Loki sat you down on the bed and told you everything.

He told you how your stepfather had once talked to Odin about you, and you felt the air leave your lungs.

_‘He was willing to sell me?’_

_‘There’s only so much you can love someone without being related to them,’_ your mind answered.

He also told you that Odin had spied on you, because apparently your mother and the king had been friends once upon a time. He told you that his mother didn’t think it was good to keep you here since you reminded Odin of his best friend, who was now dead. Tears filled your eyes as you realized you weren’t the only one who missed your mother, but if Odin had known her then why did he decide to burn the village down?

“But why did he send his army onto our village if he knew we were there?”

“My mother made him do it. She tricked him into believing you and your mother would make it out, because she thought he spent too much time thinking of you.”

“But- but she-“

“I know, I know… we all have our moments, the moments where we lose control, and my mother is deeply ashamed of what she did. My father mourned for days. He was torn apart when I told him I had brought you here.”

“He said it was wrong,” you said, a distinct tremor in your voice; your heart and mind raced as you tried desperately to process all of this new information through the shock.

“He did not want to be reminded of your mother. I spoke to him afterwards, when he had thought it through, and he is determined that you stay here. As long as you are here, he has something to fight for: your health and happiness.”

“What did your mother say today?”

“She said… she said that I… I…” he stumbled on the words, seemingly distressed.

“Loki, you don’t have to tell me,” you said. He looked so sad, his eyes were dark again.

“She said that she doesn’t want me to love you.”

You froze. Did he just…?

“You… you love me?”

“I think so. I have never felt like this for anyone, not a single girl. I have never seen anyone like I see you, and never enjoyed somebody’s presence as much as I enjoy yours.”

You did not answer, instead you kissed him. He stiffened at first, but soon relaxed and kissed you back. A familiar warmth spread from your core along with the tingling his touch sent through your body as he nibbled your lip, and you parted your lips slightly to let him in. His tongue danced with yours, tasting you, and the tingling intensified.

He held you close, kissing you deeply. When you parted to breathe, he pulled you with him down onto the bed and flipped you over so that you were below him. He kissed you again, more passionately, and for the second time a moan escaped your mouth. He caressed your sides, but quickly moved upwards, and this time you decided not to stop him.

You moaned again as he fondled your breast through the shirt, and he smirked into the kiss, just like yesterday. He broke the kiss but immediately started trailing kisses down your neck.

Your heart was beating dangerously fast, but Loki’s touch made everything else fade away. He was still fondling your breasts and soon he was back to kissing you again. You let your hands roam over his body, and you found them sneaking towards the bulge in his trousers.

He stopped fondling your breasts to rip his tunic off, and then he took your shirt off and threw it together with his tunic across the room. His hands were soon back on your breasts, caressing them lightly but still giving you so much pleasure. You moaned again as you felt his erection through his trousers, but suddenly fear shot through your head and you pulled out of the kiss.

“What’s wrong?” Loki purred in your ear. You looked into his eyes and wished you had more courage.

“Loki, I… I can’t do this. I’m not ready”, you said.

“It is fine, darling, just tell me when I need to stop. I would wait forever just to be with you.”

You nodded and he kissed you again, still passionately but more carefully. You grunted and tried to increase the intensity of the kiss. Loki got the point and threw all caution aside, and all of a sudden his hands were on your breasts again. You moaned and shuddered from the pleasure.

Your hands were on him again, you were tracing the lines of his muscles and rubbing his back. It was his turn to moan into the kiss, and you were satisfied that you could make him feel like that. You smiled and your hands moved back to where they left him last time. He was still hard, you felt it, and when you touched him he grunted and pressed his body to your hands. You smiled into the kiss and continued, which earned you more moaning and body movements. He was grinding his body against your hands, and you enjoyed it. A lot.

_‘I miss the old, innocent you,’_ your mind told you.

_‘I don’t care.’_

_‘You should, you were a nice lady.’_

_‘I still am.’_

_‘You’re still nice, but not so innocent.’_

_‘Can’t stay innocent forever, can I?’_

Loki grunted and increased his movements. You realized what was about to happen and intensified your hands’ action.

_‘Did I say you’re still nice?’_

_‘Why, yes you did.’_

Loki groaned and became still. He was breathing heavily, but his movements ceased and he looked down at you and smiled. You smiled back and he leaned down and kissed you.

“You are so perfect”, he whispered. You blushed but answered.

“I doubt it, Loki, but if you say so…”

Loki laughed and kissed you again.

“I think I need to return to my chambers, my love, to clean myself and dress properly,” he said with a wink. You smiled and nodded, and when Loki was gone you prepared a hot bath.

As you sunk into the hot water, you realized what had just happened. A pang of guilt shot through your body, but a warmth spread in your chest and you giggled to yourself as you realized you loved being with Loki and did not regret what you had done at all.

When you were clean, you dressed up in a beautiful pink dress and let your hair flow freely around your shoulders. You were longing for Loki’s touch, even though he had only been gone for approximately an hour, maybe less, maybe more. You couldn’t stop smiling after what had happened earlier.

Thor knocked the door. You knew it was Thor because you had your own special knock, and you didn’t feel like speaking to him. You needed to talk to him, though, so you took a deep breath and opened the door.

Thor looked like he hadn’t slept for days. His hair was wild and his eyes puffy and red. Just when you were about to say something, you heard a shout. You both turned your heads just in time to see Loki coming towards you, and he did not look happy. He clenched his fists while walking.

 Loki didn’t have to say a word; Thor turned and walked off quickly. Loki said something in a language you didn’t recognize. It was the same kind of distorted words you had heard a few days ago in the armory, when you had taken care of Loki’s injured shoulder.

“Loki…”

“I don’t want him to hurt you.” Loki said and pulled you into a tight embrace. You hugged him back reluctantly and, unfortunately, he noticed. “Are you alright? He didn’t do anything, did he?”

“No.”

“I shouldn’t have lost control like that. I just can’t stand the feeling that he is doing everything he can to take you away from me.”

You didn’t answer, but squeezed him harder.

“There is something I did not think of,” Loki said. “I never thought of how you felt. Did you enjoy earlier?”

At first, you didn’t understand what he was talking about, but when you did you blushed. Loki didn’t notice since your face was still buried in his chest. He didn’t seem to crave an answer, either. You listened to his heartbeat for a moment. It made you calm, somehow, even though his pulse was pretty high. He kissed your head and was about to say something when you finally opened your mouth.

“Yes.”

Loki laughed his exhaling laugh. You felt it rumble in his chest.

_‘Why does it feel so good?’_

“That is great”, he whispered in your ear. You took a deep breath and his scent filled your nose. A faint smell of mint and something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. It smelled wonderful.

You pulled out of Loki’s embrace when you heard steps. You turned around and saw a tall woman who looked about as old as Frigga, with long brown hair and piercing ice blue eyes, walking towards you with her eyes fixed on Loki. Loki took a deep breath.

“Eir,” he said, and the woman flashed a quick smile.

“Your mother told me you were injured.”

“It is nothing,” Loki said and rolled his eyes.

“I would like to look at it, no matter what you say.”

“Fine, but only because she’s worried for me.”

“She loves you, Loki. Would you not want her taken care of if she was hurt?”

“Of course I would, but I am fine.”

Eir patted his left shoulder with a bit too much force and Loki groaned.

“Are you?” she asked, a joyous smile playing on her lips. You couldn’t stop yourself but chuckled at Loki’s expression.

Eir explained that she was a healer and you introduced yourself to her. She seemed to be deeply amused by something, but at last she pulled Loki with her, leaving you alone in the empty corridor. After a little thinking, you decided to go to Han. You had spoken to him every now and then and he was a great problem solver, which was good since you had a problem.

 


	14. Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You broke his heart.  
> You just broke his heart by being completely silent.
> 
> And what will happen now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second part of my Christmas gift to you!
> 
> Merry Christmas, I love you all for reading, commenting and leaving kudos<3
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy!

You found Han in the kitchen, making buns for lunch. He smiled when you walked up to him.

“What can I help you with?”

“I just need to talk to someone,” you said and his eyes flashed concern.

“What has happened?”

“Nothing, really, or yes, but…” you trailed off. How did you explain this?

“Come”, Han said and took your hand. He led you away from the din in the kitchen and out to a corridor that led to the storage. It was empty and quiet.

“What happened?” Han asked again.

You took a deep breath and explained everything, from Loki helping you in the village to all your feelings, how confused you were and how strange everything felt. Han listened quietly. When you got to the latest days, you hesitated.

Han nodded to urge you on.

“He keeps being so nice to me, I don’t understand why, and when he… he…”

“What did he do?”

“He kissed me, and it felt good, and I… I let him do it, it felt great, and we… I don’t know what happened between us but he acts differently now, and even though I loved every minute of it I’m worried. And his brother keeps implying that Loki is up to no good, but I just want him to be like he is…”

“‘How he is’?”

“He is… he is a gentleman. He does everything to make sure I’m happy, he even bought me food in the village, and he lets me choose and… and everything…”

“I suppose that if you really like him, you should be with him.”

“I don’t know if I do, that’s the problem. What if his love for me is unreturned?”

“Does he love you?”

“I don’t know. He said it, or he almost said it. He said he thinks he does, but he doesn’t know because he has never felt that way, and that just makes me want to love him even more, because he needs it! He’s always been lonely, and even I chose Thor’s company instead of his! Even though _he_ let me stay here, I ignored him. It just breaks my heart to understand that he needs somebody, and I want to be that somebody for him.”

“Then you should be his somebody. Just…”

“What?”

“Well, there are rumors going around. Rumors about you and Prince Thor, and you and Prince Loki, and I do not know whether to believe them or not, and if you stay with Loki…”

A knot formed in your stomach. There were rumors…what did people believe?

“What have you heard?”

“That… that you are with both Prince Thor and Prince Loki, and that they bought you from overseas and a lot of awful things, and some servants claim to have seen you… doing things… with both princes. These rumors are driving me mad, because I know they can’t be true, can they?”

You didn’t know what to say. Of course they weren’t true, you had never done anything with Thor and you and Loki had been alone.

_‘What happened last night after dinner?’_ your mind asked you. Your heart sank.

_‘Thor… he was drunk, if someone saw it they must have noticed!’_

_‘Or not. Some people live for these rumors, you know, and they only see what they want to see.’_

“Han, those things are not true.”

“I know. I must go now, otherwise lunch will not be ready on time, but I wish you good luck with all of this,” Han said with a crooked smile.

You followed Han back to the kitchen and watched him work for a while. You sat at the large table where you had sat on the second day of living here and watched him prepare all kinds of things for the lunch that you were sure you were going to enjoy.

“Having fun?”

Loki’s voice in your ear startled you and you jumped, but Loki just chuckled and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. He put an arm around you and whispered in your ear:

“Would you like to go somewhere else?”

“Where would we go?”

“The village? I am bored.”

“All right”, you said and shrugged. You had nothing better to do.

 

 

“What are your plans for the afternoon, if I may ask?” Ullr asked while he wiped the table in front of you. You had gone to the village and had lunch in Ullr’s tavern, and now you had absolutely no idea what to do. Neither did Loki, apparently, since he shrugged. Ullr’s smile widened.

“May I tempt you with a drink?” he suggested, and Loki laughed.

“Not at this time of the day, but maybe later,” he said. You couldn’t quite sit still, you moved all the time trying to find a comfortable position but found none. You were uncomfortable in the situation, being alone with Loki in the village and all.

So, when Loki walked over to the bar to pay Ullr for the food, you slipped out of your seat and sneaked over to the door, where you stopped to throw one last glance at Loki. He was standing with his back turned to you, waiting for Ullr to return from the kitchen. You opened the door and walked out.

Without thinking about it, you walked to Awah’s apartment but she wasn’t there. You looked into the pub but she wasn’t there either. She wasn’t in the other inn where she worked sometimes either, so you started walking back to Ullr’s inn when you saw her. She was walking along the main street towards you, and smiled and waved when she saw you.

“Where have you been?” she asked when she was close enough for you to hear her.

“I didn’t quite manage to get away from the castle, I’m sorry!” you answered.

“Can you keep a secret?” she asked. Confused, you frowned but nodded.

“Someone else survived the war.”

“What?”

“Someone from your village is alive!”

Your mouth fell open. Was she really telling you this? Who could it be? You knew almost everyone in the village; it was a place where everyone knew each other.

“Who is it?” you asked eagerly.

“His name is Jele, and he…”

You stopped listening. Jele was alive.

There was no other Jele in the village, you knew this because Jele was a foreign name. But Loki had killed Jele, he had said so himself.

_‘Could he have survived?’_

“Can I see him?” you said, interrupting Awah’s explaining about how they met.

“Of course, I supposed you would want to. He is at my mother’s in the other end of the village, come!”

You followed Awah back along the street towards her mother’s house.  Your mind was buzzing; you thought Jele was dead, but Awah said he was alive! You had missed him terribly and couldn’t hide your joy over meeting him again.

Awah’s mother’s house was small but cozy. Awah’s mother, who was a small woman with a lot of wrinkles but a big smile on her lips, was happy to let you in and introduced herself as Emrie. She led you through her house to a small living room where Jele was enjoying a cup of tea in a couch.

“Jele!” you cried when you saw him. He jumped up from the couch and stared at you like he’d seen a ghost.

“Am I dreaming?”

“No… By the heavens, I’ve missed you, Jele!”

“It can’t be true…” Jele stated and took three long steps towards you. Now he was standing right in front of you, looking into your eyes. You felt the tears coming and saw that he was crying as well. He smiled and hugged you tightly.

“I thought you were dead!” you said through the tears. He looked into your eyes, still smiling and crying.

“I would never leave you with that awful man we call “prince”, you know that. I’m too tough to give in to a sword.”

Your stomach twisted itself at his words. You had completely forgotten about Loki. The walk to Emrie’s house had taken its time, and you had spent a good while looking for Awah. Loki was probably worried out of his shoes.

“So how have you been?” you asked to bring the topic away from Loki.

“Awah found me dying on the field, so she took me here to help me. I was really badly injured, but she and Emrie saved my life, I couldn’t be more thankful. How about you?”

“Loki was actually really nice, he took me to the castle and let me live there, and I’ve had a pretty good time there. I haven’t seen Loki much, but Prince Thor is a great friend of mine and the palace has everything I’ve ever dreamt of!”

“Maybe he is better than we thought, even though I don’t like to think so,” Jele said with a smile. You smiled back and playfully punched his arm.

“Ouch!” he said and pretended to be hurt, but burst out laughing the second after. You laughed with him, and soon you were engaged in a deep conversation. Awah and her mother joined you with more tea and soon too much time had passed.

“Listen, I need to go now,” you said. “Loki is probably worrying himself sick…”

“Why would he worry about you? You said you barely see him!”

_‘Shouldn’t have lied…’_

_‘I can’t tell him about Loki and me, he would go out of his mind!’_

“He… he still takes care of me, I mean, I’m his guest and all,” you explained and started to make your way towards the door. Awah rose as well, excusing herself.

“I need to go back to my apartment, so I will follow you. It is good to be two when it’s night.”

“Can I go with you?” Jele asked. Awah sighed.

“I don’t know what you will do while I work, Jele!”

“I can be in your apartment! Please, I’ve never been to that part of the village!”

So you, Jele and Awah walked back to Awah’s apartment. The others kept a conversation going but you were lost in your worries about Loki.

_‘He will be mad at me for leaving him like that.’_

_‘He has to accept that you have own interests. What if you don’t want to be with him all the time?’_

_‘He probably thinks I’ve been abducted or something… What if he told the king and they went looking for me? I should have spoken to him, I’m in a lot of trouble now!’_

_‘I cannot help you, it’s your mess’_ , your mind said.

You heard someone call your name and looked up from the street. It was Loki. You stopped still and Awah and Jele did as well.

Loki was approaching you, quickly, and he did not look happy.

“Do you have _any_ idea how worried I was?” he asked and pulled you into a tight hug. You didn’t know what to do, so you just stood there and let him hold you. His pulse was high, like he had been running around the village for hours.

_‘He probably has.’_

“I worried myself sick for you! Where were you? Are you alright? Did someone hurt you? Where did you go? How-“

“Loki, I’m fine!” you said. He stopped his ranting and hugged you even tighter.

“Why did you leave me like that?” he whispered, and your heart dropped. He sounded so small, so sad and so desperate.

“I’m so sorry, Loki, I don’t know, I just-“

Jele’s voice interrupted you, which was good because you didn’t know what to say.

“You forgot to mention this,” he said coldly. Loki let you go and stared at him blankly.

“Jele, I-“

“It’s fine, it’s not like we just spent a few hours talking about how we hate him,” he continued, staring at you with disappointment etched into his features. Loki turned to you and now he did not only look sad and desperate, but miserable as well. You didn’t know what to say, but Jele continued.

“I thought you were the same…that he hadn’t changed you, but I guess he has. Were you lying to me or him?”

“Jele, we’re not-“

“I don’t want to hear your excuses. You don’t need to tell me everything, but at least don’t lie to your best friend.”

“You hate me?” Loki whispered. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears; you could barely stand looking into his dark green eyes.

You couldn’t make your mouth form the simple word no, you couldn’t even shake your head. Loki’s eyes mirrored the deepest of sorrow, the deepest of pain, but still you couldn’t just say that you didn’t hate him. Something stopped you from telling him the truth. Was it the fact that Jele and Awah, two people who were supposed to be your friends, were there watching?

Or that you didn’t know yourself what you felt for Loki?

Loki turned and walked away without a word. You stood frozen, staring at his back. He turned a corner and disappeared into an alley.

“What is it between you and Loki?” Awah asked. You heard her but didn’t answer, your chest felt hollow. There was no beating heart, no words ready to be formed.

_‘I just broke his heart. I just broke his heart by being completely silent.’_

Even your mind was quiet for once.

_‘You broke his heart.’_

Nope, there it was.

_‘What do I do?’_

_‘What do you do?’_

_‘I have to find him and tell him I don’t hate him.’_

“I have to go”, you said and followed Loki. The alley he had turned into was dark and narrow, but you walked right in. If you stretched your arms out, you would touch the walls on both sides. You heard Jele and Awah call your name and sped up.

You bumped into something hard. It was a wooden box, larger than you, almost filling the entire alley. You barely saw anything in there, but felt along the sides and found a narrow crack between the wall and the box.

Before you could move, you felt a hand on your shoulder and a searing pain in the back of your head before everything went black.


	15. Saviour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He does it again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weh
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you all SO much for your kind words, it's crazy, and all these kudos, and hibididididididiididiiii
> 
> Happy new year to everybody! <3
> 
> I will update every friday starting next week, so only five days left... Wow... seven posts (6 chapters and my Tom Hiddleston one-shot) in two weeks... Christmas, people:P

The sun woke you up by shining in through the window and onto your face. The back of your head was aching. You grunted and tried to turn around but couldn’t.

What was that prickling smell?

And why were you sitting?

Your eyes flew open.

You were in a small, dusty room with only a door, a window and a chair on which you sat. You were tied to the chair by thick ropes, but you could move the chair around by hopping.

The chair fell over with a loud bang and now you were lying on your back.

_‘Great work.’_

The door creaked as it was opened, but from your position you couldn’t see who it was.

“Well, well, what do we have here?”

You recognized the raspy voice- it was one of the men Loki had protected you from a few nights ago. The man continued to talk.

“Little love tried to move, did she?”

He walked over to you and flipped the chair up with a grunt.

“Listen to me, girl: you will not get out of here.”

He paused and came closer to you.

“Who are you? A princess from another land, maybe, or a queen? Did your father send you here to marry one of the princes, perhaps?”

His breath smelled strongly of beer.

“Maybe you’re just a whore, someone who the princes play with? Oh, I’ve heard the rumors. Are you the royal whore? Are they any good? Or does he not share you? He is very fond of his possessions, you know. Is he good in bed?”

You didn’t answer. Of course, you couldn’t, since you had never been in bed with either of the princes, but the man in front of you craved an answer.

“Is he good in bed?” he asked slowly. You swallowed and nodded.

_‘Why would you nod? You haven’t been to bed with him!’_

“He is? So you are a whore, then?”

You shook your head.

“No? Little love, you will forget about him. You will be a little whore, and you will do your owner’s exact bidding, and if you don’t you will be punished, don’t doubt that.”

“Now, now, I did the tough work. I expect you to let me have at least a little fun with her before she leaves.”

The other man from the pub stood in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest, a smirk playing on his lips. You closed your eyes for a moment, trying to ignore the pain in your head.

_‘Great. Just what we needed.’_

_‘We?’_

_‘You and I. By the heavens, why do I say that? We are the same person_ ,’ your mind said.

_‘So why do we keep talking like two people?’_

_‘Because, one of us is foolish and in love while the other is made by common sense. But that doesn’t matter, what matters is that we, you and I, are getting out of this together.’_

_‘Loki will find us.’_

_‘I hope so.’_

“What are you thinking of, little love?”

“Perhaps her dear prince, who is probably in somebody else’s bed by now?”

“You know, he never cares about his girls. He seduces them, destroys them and tosses them away. We usually help relieve him,” the first man said with an evil smirk. His hand slid in underneath your skirt and he started caressing your thigh. You squirmed to get out of his grip and he laughed and took his hand away.

“Little love, get used to it. Your new owner will be here by the afternoon,” he said and left the room. The other man approached you.

You noticed that he looked a bit younger than the other, with thick eyebrows and deep brown eyes. He was pretty handsome, but the evil smirk destroyed his appearance.

“You have never been to bed with the prince, have you?” he asked. You shook your head.

“Listen, sweetie, you have one chance to get out of here alive, and that is your dear prince. If he holds you as close as you think, he will find you.”

You fixed your eyes on a spot in the dusty wooden floor and tried to make your mind up.

“He will find me,” you said, trying to sound convinced. It didn’t work.

“He has never come after a girl we’ve taken.”

“He will be coming for me, I know it.”

“I almost hope so. Wouldn’t it be fun, pressing the prince for money to buy his love back?”

You didn’t know what to say, so you kept staring at the same spot in the floor.

“What is your name, sweetheart?”

You didn’t answer. The man chuckled and forced you to look into his eyes by gripping your chin, tilting your head back until you could feel the strain in your neck. Tears threatened to start falling at the pain but you ignored it and stared into his eyes.

“Mine is Bergel. My friend out there is called Garm. Now what’s your name?”

You told him your name and he let go of you. Your eyes immediately flew to the spot on the floor.

“That’s a beautiful name,” Bergel said. When you didn’t answer, he hit you. He struck your cheek with excruciating force, causing you to gasp.

“When I compliment you, you say ‘thank you’. Understood?”

You nodded, now shaking while trying to force the tears back.

“I should punish you even more… But I love to leave a clean product to the customer. He will be delighted with your background.”

You shivered as he whispered the last thing in your ear.

You felt him tug at the ropes behind your back, and suddenly your hands were free. You immediately massaged your cheek where he had struck you. He walked out of the room without looking at you.

 

 

You sat in the room the entire day, discussing with yourself about Loki, Bergel and Garm, and what Awah and Jele would say.

Indeed you had spent an afternoon discussing how much you hate Loki, but you never said you hated him. You didn’t agree with Jele either, you just sat there and tried not to say anything about Loki. You didn’t want Jele to know what you felt for Loki. It would destroy your friendship.

_‘He knows either way now.’_

_‘I know, and it breaks me down. I need to talk to him.’_

_‘He probably doesn’t want to see you.’_

_‘I know. At least Loki didn’t kiss me or something; I could say we are just friends.’_

_‘Lie even more?’_

_‘I have to, I cannot lose Jele again!’_

_‘No matter how much I dislike Loki and you, you should tell Jele the truth. Keeping it away from him won’t make it undone.’_

_‘What is it even between Loki and me?’_

_‘Well, he likes you and you like him, don’t deny it.’_

_‘Are we together? Was Jele right? What if Loki sees us as a couple? I don’t!’_

_‘You two are complicated.’_

_‘And then there’s all this with Thor, and-‘_

_‘Thor has nothing to do with you and Loki, those are your own feelings!’_

_‘You’re right. I should talk to Loki as fast as I am out of here.’_

_‘Talk to Jele as well.’_

_‘I will.’_

You heard steps outside the door and then Bergel walked in, still smirking. He untied the rest of the ropes and let you stand and stretch before leading you out, one hand on your shoulder. You stepped out onto a landing above a narrow staircase. As you walked down the staircase, you heard a familiar voice from behind a closed door, but before you could say anything, Bergel put a hand over your mouth and kicked the door open. Loki, who stood with his back turned to you, spun around.

“Now, if you want her, what will you pay us?”

“Let her go,” Loki said slowly. He looked like he could kill Bergel in an instant just for touching you.

Garm walked up behind Loki and engaged him in a discussion about how much Loki would pay them to let you go. You watched, terrified, as Loki refused their offers again and again, but at last his eyes met yours and you drowned in the sorrow you saw in them.

_‘You broke his heart. He thinks you don’t love him. He won’t pay them.’_

“I accept,” he said, still staring into your eyes.

_‘He won’t help you. He thinks you hate him. He’s going to- did he just accept their offer?’_

Bergel laughed and pulled you closer. You struggled to get out of his hard embrace, but he only held you tighter and whispered in your ear;

“You were right, little love.”

Then he let you go and you immediately rushed to Loki, who took you into his embrace.

“Loki, I don’t hate you, I swear, I—”you tried to explain, but he cut you off.

“I know… I know. It’s fine, darling, it’s fine. You’re safe now.”

“But I—”

“It’s fine, you’re safe. I won’t leave you again.”

You heard Garm and Bergel leave the room, but stood still in Loki’s embrace. It felt cold and wrong after Bergel, but there was his heart, still beating, a balm to your frayed nerves.


	16. A wet Loki is an adorable Loki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally get to enjoy the castle again, after a day which felt like an eternity. Even the floors of your room are more enjoyable...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so so so so so so so sorry for not updating yesterday! GAaah
> 
> I'm in this huge floorball tournament in Gothenburg at the moment, Gothia Cup, and in all the buzz I forgot this! 
> 
> But here it is, long awaited (not even a week but damn it feels like an eternity), chapter 16 :)
> 
> And guys; warnings appeal ;)

Loki refused to let you go, even after you had stood holding each other for a long while.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he said, over and over again. Every time he did, you squeezed him harder to reassure him that you didn’t want to lose him either.

“I looked everywhere for you,” he said. “I looked everywhere, I turned the village upside down for you, and I hated myself for leaving you. Imagine the pain when your friends said you went after me, and that they hadn’t seen you since. It was the most horrifying of feelings, my love, and I will never let you go again.”

“I just wanted to tell you the truth, Loki. I couldn’t do it, not in front of Jele, he thinks I hate you, he does, but I honestly don’t. I cannot hate you, Loki.”

“I never thought he would survive, you know. I hated myself for taking him away from you. You can tell him that our doors are open for him any time he wants to come.”

“You mean Jele can come with us to the castle?” you asked. Did he mean that?

“If he wants to, he is welcome,” Loki said and you almost jumped with excitement.

“That’s wonderful, thank you!” you squeaked and kissed him. Responding, he presses you closer with his hand on the small of your back. You halfheartedly held a moan back, knowing that Garm and Bergel could come back any minute.

As if they had heard your thoughts, the door creaked open and you heard Bergel make an irritated sound while Garm clicked his tongue impatiently. You and Loki broke apart, but stayed in each other’s embrace. Bergel raised a thick eyebrow at you, but you ignored his gaze and instead listened to Garm, who was discussing the payment with Loki. Loki just nodded and then you finally left. Loki dropped a few golden coins in Garm’s hand as you both walked past.

Outside, you expected to be able to see the enormous palace towering over the many roofs of the village, but around you was nothing but hills. Loki’s horse stood waiting for him on the other side of the fence, which stretched around the house as far as you could see.

“What is this place?” you asked. Loki smiled and walked up to his horse.

“This is where they run their business from. I suppose you know what those men do?”

“They…”

A memory from several weeks earlier hit you.

_You pushed your way towards the door, the men followed, but you got out to the street and started running back the way you came. You heard the men shout behind you and ran on, and at last you turned at the end of the alley. Before you had taken three steps you were pulled into a doorway. A hand pressed against your mouth and you immediately started to wiggle to get out, but a sweet girl voice told you to be still and you found yourself obeying. The two men rushed past the dark doorway and the hand let go of your mouth. You turned around and found yourself face to face with the waitress._

_“I saw how the men looked at you inside,” she said, and continued to explain that they were regular at the pub and often kidnapped children to sell them as slaves._

_“I’m not a child!” you exclaimed, red in the face. The waitress was actually younger than you, you were sure. Who was she to call you a child?_

You smiled at the thought of how Awah and you had first met.

“But they will never get to you again, my love.” Loki whispered in your ear and you felt his arms around your waist. His embrace was light and careful in contrast to Bergel’s, which was hard and cold. Loki kissed the side of your neck and led you over to his horse. He whispered some strange words in the horse’s ear and it immediately bent down so that you could easier get on.

“What language is that?” you asked. You recognized it, it was the same as Loki had used with Thor a few days earlier.

“A special one that my mother and I invented. Only my family, our spies and our horses understand it,” Loki answered with a proud smirk.

You nodded and climbed onto the horse clumsily, Loki chuckled and swung himself up behind you. Taking the reins, he made a clicking noise and the horse jumped and started galloping away. You had never gone this fast on a horse, let alone with Loki behind you, but you felt safe in a way you would never feel if you were alone or with Jele. Loki’s strong arms around you along with his chest pressed to your back were reassuring.

You reached the top of the first hill and saw the palace in the distance. You wondered how Bergel and Garm got you there without you waking you up. As you thought of it, the searing pain in the back of your head returned.

“Darling?”

“Yes?”

“Did they beat you?”

Bergel’s strike made its way back into your mind.

“No.”

“So why do you have dried blood in your hair?”

“I have?”

“Yes, and your left cheek is red, like somebody hit you”, Loki said. His cold breath hit your neck and somehow made you oddly aroused. Perhaps it was the way you both had to move your hips when riding at this speed.

“He struck me once, but not more, I swear”, you said.

“And the blood? It looks to me like they hit you with something hard to render you unconscious.”

“They must have done so, then.”

You approached the village from another angle from before, so that the palace was to your right and the village to your left. Loki tugged at the reins and the horse made its way towards the large castle.

After getting off the horse in the stable and leaving it to a servant, you and Loki made your way up towards your rooms. Loki reluctantly left you to clean yourself, but when you had had a hot bath and sat down comfortably in one of the armchairs with a book, he returned with a tray with two steaming mugs of tea and a large plate of muffins. You couldn’t deny him, so you sat with him in front of the fire and enjoyed the tea and muffins. He was in the middle of telling you how he beat Thor in a horse race when you found your attention wandering: he was so beautiful where he sat, the light of the fire flickering on his face. His eyes were a vivid green and he didn’t stop smiling. You studied the way he sat and the way he gesticulated with his hands while he spoke. His hair was damp from bathing but was drying in the warmth of the fire.

A wet Loki was an adorable Loki.

“… and then I sped up, just when his horse was getting tired, and rushed past him in the last second!”

You snorted and made a playful face, and he laughed.

“It is like I’ve always said, a great mind is stronger than the greatest of muscles”, he continued with a smirk.

“So typical you, Loki, to say something like that,” you teased, and one of his eyebrows shot up.

“Are you telling me Thor is smarter than me?”

“Obviously not, since you beat him in a _horse race_.”

Loki smirked and threw himself on top of you, pinning you to the ground with a playful smile.

“It is the surprise that wins it”, he said. You smirked and started moving your hand towards his side, something he didn’t notice since he was focused on your face.

“Of course, I agree with you,” you said slowly and then started tickling him. He quickly rolled off you, but you followed him so that you were on top of him. He chuckled and sneaked his arms around your waist, pulling you closer.

“You thought you could beat Loki, the mischievous prince?”

“I reckon I have a chance,” you said and imitated his smirk. He laughed and tried to kiss you, but you ducked and tickled him again. He tried to get away, but you pinned him to the ground using the full weight of your body. Tears of laughter threatened to break out in his eyes, but you didn’t stop.

“Stop… it!” he blurted out, but you smirked again.

“Beg for it,” you said with an evil chuckle. He stared at you skeptically, but then you tickled him again and he did as you wished.

“Please, dear, stop tickling me and I will show you what else we can do on this floor.”

You raised your eyebrows, which made him laugh again, but stopped tickling him. Immediately, he pulled you down and kissed you passionately. You responded and nibbled his lower lip, and he smirked and let you in.

_‘You’re getting better at this,’_ your mind noticed.

_‘_ We _are getting better at this.’_

_‘Don’t- by the gods! Be a little decent!’_ it said as you moaned into the kiss. Loki had started fondling your breasts, something you had been longing for since yesterday morning.

Loki rolled you over so that he was on top of you and pressed his body against yours. You felt his erection pressing against your thigh and moaned again. His hand snaked in under the loose dress you had chosen to wear and tugged at your underwear. Your eyes flew open, but he smiled reassuringly and you trusted that he wouldn’t do anything against your will, so you let him do whatever he was aiming to do.

He tugged at your underwear again. One slender finger pressed at a bundle of nerves you barely knew you had and you moaned again.

It felt so _good_.

You arched your back slightly as he kept going; now rubbing circles with one finger through your underwear. He stopped his actions for a second, and you opened your eyes to ask him what in the devils name he thought he was doing, but then he tugged at your undergarments one last time and slid his hand in beneath it.

You gasped as his cold fingers came in contact with your skin. He caressed your inner thighs slowly, first the left one and then the right, and then his fingers returned to the bundle of nerves that seemed to send signals to your very core. You closed your eyes again and let the feelings overwhelm you. He was still fondling your breast with his left hand while the other circled around your pleasure center.

Suddenly, one of his fingers slid further down to the wetness around your entrance. He drew a circle around it and entered with only an inch of his finger only to pull it out almost immediately. Giving in to the pleasure of his touch, you moaned and arched your back and he laughed his exhaling laugh again before pushing his finger in a little longer and pulling it back out without stopping.

He pushed his finger in all the way and stopped, then started pumping his finger in and out of you, slowly at first but after a while, he increased the pace and you bucked your hips involuntarily.

He let another finger slide into you and you writhed in ecstasy: the sensations were overwhelming, the tingling feeling had returned and was stronger than before, you were panting and arching your back as Loki touched you. His left hand had abandoned your breast and was upon the bundle of nerves that had been left untouched when Loki entered you for the first time.

You gasped as he pressed onto the nerve and then rubbed circles around it with his thumb. You felt the tingling take more space and bucked your hips again. You moaned as you felt something build inside of you, the pleasure became greater with every thrust, and suddenly it all exploded.

You silently mouthed his name as your muscles tightened around Loki’s fingers. He smirked and kept thrusting until you could do nothing but lie there, on the floor, panting and moaning.

Loki kissed you again, deeply and passionately. You pressed your hands to his erection and he moaned. You smirked into the kiss and started rubbing up and down, earning another moan. He moved his pelvis along with your movement and grunted as you gripped his shaft through his trousers.

Before the little voice in your head could object, you slid his trousers down and took his length in your hand.

_‘Good idea.’_

You suddenly stopped. You had no idea what to do now.

_‘Just keep doing what you’re doing, he’s clearly enjoying it!’_

You started moving your hand slowly up and down. He groaned and jerked his pelvis, pushing himself further into your hold, and you smirked, satisfied that you could make him moan like that. You increased the speed and he moaned again and then rolled off you. You followed him and sat on top of his thighs, then you continued.

His size surprised you; even though you had never seen a naked man before you were pretty sure not everybody was _that_ big. As you slid your hands up and down his impressive length, he groaned and bucked his hips, eyes closed. You sped up and his eyes flew open. His gaze landed on yours with a mixture of shock and pleasure.

You noticed his movements become more frequent and desperate, and he was stuttering your name. You kept pumping, sure that he was going to feel the same way as you had felt, and soon enough he was coming. His seed came spurting out, landing on your hands and skirt, his tunic and the floor. He groaned and became completely still.

You were staring at the white liquid on your hands, shocked. It had happened all of a sudden, and now you were terrified. What had you done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What had you done...?
> 
> Mhmm
> 
> One week till next update, I will continue to update every friday:3


	17. I love you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You love waking up in his arms, but not when he tells you you won't be doing so anymore...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me, smiling like an idiot because of you guys... You never fail to make me smile, I've actually found myself reading through your comments when I'm sad and I've become so much happier. (I may or may not have cried because of your wonderful words...)
> 
> So here's chapter 17!  
> Huge thanks to everyone who reads, comments and leaves kudos!
> 
> Warning for minor smut;)

“Darling, it’s time to wake up”, Loki purred in your ear. You slowly opened your eyes and sighed with relief.

You had gone through another night without a single nightmare.

Loki kissed your cheek.

“I’ve got breakfast ready for you, my love.”

“You have?” you asked. Loki chuckled at your drowsy voice.

“I have, just for you”, he cooed.

“Loki, why are you so…”

“I’m leaving.”

“ _What_?”

“I have business to attend to outside of the castle. I wish I could stay here with you, but my father insists that I go.”

You stared at him in disbelief. He chuckled and continued.

“I will only be gone for a few days, my love, if that is any comfort.”

“When are you leaving?”

“Too soon.”

“Then let us spend the remaining time together wisely”, you said and smirked before throwing yourself onto him, kissing him fiercely. Surprised, he kissed you back. Soon he rolled you over and caressed your breasts lightly.

You realized that you couldn’t feel any fabric against your skin. You were completely naked.

Shocked, you pulled out of the kiss. Loki made a disappointed noise and tried to kiss you again, but your terror made you turn your head away from him. What had happened last night?

_‘If it is to any comfort, I cannot recall any lovemaking.’_

“Darling, what’s wrong?” Loki purred. He was still fondling your breasts ever so carefully, but the usual tingling drowned in fear.

“Loki…” you started and pushed him away. He refused at first, but when he saw your eyes he rolled off you and instead took you in his arms.

“What is it?”

“What…” you couldn’t make yourself say it. The words got stuck in your throat but Loki seemed to understand, for he nuzzled his nose in your hair and whispered a single word, a word that meant so much for you despite the fact that it was spelled with only two letters.

“No.”

You sighed, relieved, and tilted your head to look up at him. He was looking at you, of course, but his face held no trace of the usual smirk or the glint in his eyes.

“You are so beautiful”, he whispered and kissed your forehead. You blushed but smiled all the same.

You lay like that for a while, in Loki’s arms, and enjoyed the warmth of his body against yours. He stroked your hair lazily with one hand while fondling your hip with the other, and you felt his gaze burning into your skin like always, but you made no effort to say anything. You were happy with the situation and, judging by the fact that he wasn’t trying to change anything, he was as well.

The fact that you were both naked still terrified you, but you managed to ignore it. He had already seen you close to nude, and you had seen everything there is to see on his body as well, so there was no reason to panic.

“Darling?” Loki asked.

“Mm?”

“Just checking if you were asleep”, Loki said with a soft chuckle. You chuckled as well and reached up to kiss him lightly on the lips. He immediately moved so that you lay on top of him and tangled his hand in your hair, using slight pressure to keep you from breaking away from the kiss.

Not that you had any intention of doing that at all.

You let your hands roam his body freely, searching for a moan. Soon enough, he grunted and shifted underneath you, but you didn’t let him move. Instead, you broke the kiss and smirked at him before trailing kisses along his neck down to his collarbone and shoulders, carefully nibbling at his flesh every now and then. Every time you did this, he moaned and moved underneath you, trying desperately to take control, but this was your turn. You returned to his mouth and kissed him passionately, roaming his mouth to taste him. He moaned again and his hands slid down to your butt, pressing your body against his.

It was your turn to moan into the kiss, but Loki wasn’t done. He moved, slowly, rubbing his shaft over your most sensitive area again and again, and you whimpered with pleasure. He smirked into the kiss and gave your butt a light squeeze before letting his hands move along your body. He tangled his hand in your hair again and placed the other on the small of your back, keeping your body pressed against his.

You allowed him to flip you over without breaking the kiss, and he quickly took advantage of his position. He pressed his shaft against your thigh.

“What do you want?” he purred in your ear. You grunted and moved your pelvis, successfully placing him between your legs, but when his head shot up and he looked almost hopefully into your eyes you realized what he was asking.

Could you do this?

You bit your lip. You wanted him, you knew that, but could you do it? Could you let him take your innocence, here and now?

He grunted and laid his head down next to you, resting his forehead on your shoulder.

“You look absolutely adorable when you do that”, he said. You turned your head and kissed his cheek. He was smiling, not smirking but smiling, into the pillow.

“I’m not the only one”, you said and he laughed and looked at you.

“If you don’t want to, I will not make you do anything”, he said. His eyes were glowing. You knew he wanted it, and you wanted it too, but… Something held you back. Something tugging at the back of your head like a child tugging at its mother’s sleeve.

You sighed and kissed him again. He kissed you back, fiercely, like he never wanted to let go. You let him do it and tried to put everything into the kiss, your feelings, your fear, your doubt. You wanted him to understand, but how could he understand if you didn’t?

When you broke out of the kiss, he had started fondling your breasts once again. His shaft was still resting between your legs, hard and throbbing, which made your decision hard.

“I’m sorry”, you whispered. Loki lifted his head from your neck, down which he had been trailing kisses, to look into your eyes. He looked sincerely confused, and you couldn’t help but laugh. Loki, the mischievous prince who always was up to no good, who never showed a weak side, was sincerely confused by your words, and when you laughed he looked even more so. His eyebrows were knitted together as he tried to find anything at all you could be sorry about.

“I don’t understand”, he slowly said. You laughed again and kissed him swiftly before looking into his eyes and moving your pelvis a little. He groaned and kissed your cheek before whispering into your ear;

“I do not see why you should be sorry, my love, about such a thing. The waiting makes it a thousand times sweeter when I finally get it.”

He smirked again. Then his smirk faded. “ _If_ I get it, that is.”

“Loki…” you whispered. Goddamnit, why did he always put you in this situation? If you had gotten as much as a silver coin for every time you had said his name like that…

 _‘You would be rich’,_ your mind informed you.

You didn’t want to promise anything. You knew you wanted it, you wanted it bad, like a child wants sweets, but anything could happen. Loki was going away for days where he could forget about you, and then he could return with another woman and throw you out, or he could crave that you fulfill your promise, or he could take it by force…

“What are your thoughts, love?”

“Will you forget about me?” you blurted out and then immediately regretted it. His eyes widened in shock for just a second, then he chortled and kissed you again.

“Never. Never in a million years could I forget about you. You are my everything, the reason I wake up with a smile in the morning and the reason I go to bed happy every night. I could never, _ever_ forget about you.”

You were quiet, pondering his words.

_‘That… that seemed a bit…’_

_‘Finally at loss of words, are you?’_

_‘I think he’s in love with you.’_

_‘I doubt that.’_

_‘Why?’_

_‘Because… I’m just a girl! I’m nobody, and he’s the prince! How could he love me? He can’t love me, he’s supposed to marry a princess from far away and make a family, not lie here with me!’_

“You think too much, darling”, Loki purred. His right hand was on your breast, fondling it, while he moved his pelvis ever so slowly, grinding his body against yours. You smiled faintly at him, but before you could come up with an answer he continued. “What is it that occupies your mind?”

“I am just… pondering your trip. I will miss you, I suppose”, you laughed.

“I will miss you too, love.”

“Will you go far away?”

“There is no distance big enough to keep me away from you, darling. I will miss you every minute I am gone, from the second I step out of the castle to the second I come back, but do not forget that I will return. Nothing can keep us apart, love.”

_‘Why does he keep saying such things?’_

_‘Maybe he means it?‘_

_‘Or not, because he is who he is…’_

_‘Why would he lie?’_

_‘Why not?’_

Loki chuckled in your ear.

“Is processing my words that difficult for you?”

You did not know what to say. Everything suggested that Loki thought he _loved_ you. He had even said it earlier, hadn’t he?

“Loki…” you started. Before he could interrupt, you let your feelings flow like a river out of your mouth. “You keep hinting at things, things I do not understand, and I’m confused, and you say it like it is obvious but it’s not, and I don’t know what I feel for you, and I’m so confused by everything, Loki, and everything you do makes me… makes me want you, but still something tells me this is not right, and honestly, you are a prince and I am but a girl from a village that doesn’t exist anymore, we are hardly meant to be together, and what will happen once you marry some pretty princess and forget about me? What will happen with us? What are we even? I don’t understand, Loki, I’m confused!”

Loki rolled off of you for the second time and pulled you into a close embrace. He did not say anything, and neither did you. Tears were rolling down your eyes and you buried your face in his chest, letting his scent fill you up. He smelled so wonderful. You remembered the very first day you’d met, the first time your body had been pressed against his and the first time you had smelled this wonderful smell. Closing your eyes, you let the memory flow over you.

 

_The sound of iron on stone reached your ears and you lay just still and watched from above as the man, who you now knew was Loki, walked around the rock to find you gone. He sighed and walked back around and then examined the places where you and Jele had tugged the grass out of its roots. You silently slid down on the other side of the rock, making sure to be quick and silent so the man wouldn’t notice you, and you hoped he hadn’t because you couldn’t see him. You slowly climbed down the rock, face into the gray stone. You heard nothing and therefore let your feet hit the ground._

_As fast as you stood steady, strong arms closed around you, one around your belly and one around your head, hand placed over your mouth. You shouted out in surprise, but only a muffled sound reached out. Jele jumped down, seemingly ready to fight whoever was there, but his face showed only fear. The hand lifted off your mouth and you squirmed to get out of the man’s grip, but you couldn’t. You looked up and saw the face of the soldier who, you were sure, had just a moment ago been standing on the other side of the rock._

_You couldn’t get your eyes off him. He was beautiful. His skin was pale, his hair black as the night and his eyes green, deeply green. They were fixed on Jele, who was looking hesitantly at the long sword the knight had pulled._

_You squirmed once again, the man’s arm held you even tighter and Jele told him to let go of you. You heard a beating pulse and smelled a wonderful smell, so wonderful you couldn’t even describe it, and then you heard the man’s voice. It was low, chilly, and sent shivers down your spine. It was filled with a kind of danger, but you still wanted to hear it say your name._

“I suppose I cannot bear to say it out loud. I have never felt for anyone like I feel for you. I am glad you want me, since I desire you so deeply, and I know there is no right and wrong when it comes to these kinds of things. It wouldn’t matter if you were born on the streets or in the finest of palaces as long as you are you. This prince likes the girl from the village”, Loki said, with the same low voice he had used in the memory, and winked. Your heart fluttered around in your chest and he continued, now frowning slightly.

“I have already told you I can never forget about you, and that was true. I do not aim to marry ‘some pretty princess’ either. My mother has presented me with too many girls for me to remember, but none of them are as pretty, as funny or as smart as you are, my love.”

You blushed at his words, but he continued, staring blankly into the ceiling above you as he spoke.

“And when it comes to ‘us’… I am honestly happy as long as I can be with you. I don’t care what others think, I don’t care what my mother says and I don’t care about the unwritten laws that say a prince has to marry a princess. I do not wish to tie myself to another person, let alone someone who only loves me because of my power.”

He glanced at you but looked back into the ceiling when he saw you watching him intently.

“I just wish to be with you”, he finished. A single tear made its way down his cheek, but you stretched your hand out and brushed it off his cheek. He closed his eyes and you let another memory flood in.

_You cried frantically and sank to your knees, once again hiding your face in your hands. You heard the prince slide down from his horse and soon felt his presence next to you. He didn’t do anything you expected him to. He embraced you. You felt his strong arms around you and silently gave in to his touch, letting your tears flood his chest. His strong scent filled your nostrils and you shook, sobbed and cried into him. He just held you comfortably, enabling you to feel safe, resting his chin on your head. You suddenly pushed him away, wiping your tears away. He lifted your chin with a long, pale finger and looked into your eyes. His emerald green eyes reassured you, somehow, that you were safe with him._

_“Listen to me”, he said. You nodded and drew a long, shaky breath._

_“I know what you think. I know what you think will happen now, what you will be forced to do, what you think I am.”_

_“I-“, you started, but he interrupted you._

_“I will never let anything happen to you.”_

_You didn’t know why, but his eyes, his low voice and his recent concern made you actually believe what he said. You let him pull you up onto his horse, and then you set off for wherever Prince Loki might want to go, and you were okay with it._

_What did you have to lose?_

What did you have to lose?

You took a deep breath and tilted your head to look up at Loki, the very same prince who had just embraced you in your memory, who was now holding you closer than ever. He had opened his eyes again and was back to staring at the ceiling. You wondered what he was thinking of.

“Loki?”

“Mm?”

You considered imitating his amused tone when he asked what you were thinking of, but then again, this was a very special moment. You tried mouthing the words once, just to taste them.

Just as you had opened your mouth to say what you had been trying to say for days, what Loki had been trying to say to you as well, the door burst open.


	18. Oh, memories...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of love, a little crying and a lot of laughing... Sounds a lot like your life...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, people, look at me *looks at amount of kudos* *inhuman sound* *faints*  
> ten years later:  
> *wakes up* *reads comments* *dies*
> 
> Guys! You're amazing! I can't believe it, I don't deserve all this love... But I'm so glad I have you people, I can't be sad when I got your comments ;-; I love you guys as much as Loki loves reader (read the chapter now for gods sake)
> 
> Thanks, love you! : *
> 
> Warning for smut;)

Thor bustled in, calling your name, but stopped when he saw the two of you, both naked, on the bed. Loki reacted quickly and pulled the covers over your bodies. You gave him a quick thankful smile before turning your attention back to Thor, who was stunned by the sight before him. He looked around quickly, and when you followed his gaze you saw your clothes scattered on the floor where you had left them the night before.

Thor looked back at you, paralyzed, before stuttering an excuse and rushing back out quicker than the speed of light. Loki snorted and you couldn’t help but giggle, which made him look at you again.

He smiled and started laughing, a genuine laugh that made you laugh as well, just because he sounded so happy. You lay there and laughed together for a while, until you found yourself beneath Loki as he rolled on top of you again. He kissed you hungrily, nibbled at your lip and pressed his body against yours. You moaned and moved your pelvis slowly, rubbing his shaft against your body. He groaned, a deep, throaty sound that sent sparkles through your body.

He suddenly broke the kiss to look inquiringly into your eyes. You knew what he wondered, what he was asking for, but you still couldn’t do it. You weren’t ready.

“Do not say ‘I’m sorry’ again, love”, he said and kissed you.

“But I am”, you answered sincerely.

“For what? For making me love you even more? For giving me everything I’ve ever wanted?”

You blushed again, knowing you would probably never get used to such words. The people in your village had never said as much as a nice word to you, except for your parents and Jele, of course.

Jele.

A pang of guilt shot through your body as your thoughts landed on your best friend. You had been friends for as long as you could remember, you had done everything together. It hit you that Jele probably felt betrayed. You had spent so many hours with him, talking about how much you detested the very prince who was now trailing kisses down your neck, making your body shiver with pleasure, and now you had abandoned him for said prince. Loki’s actions brought you back to reality.

This time, Loki didn’t stop at your collarbone but continued trailing kisses down towards your breasts. He fondled your one breast with his hand while swirling around the other’s nipple with his tongue, earning more whimpers from you. You shut your eyes hard and concentrated on Loki’s touch, which wasn’t hard since he was everywhere. His shaft was pressed against your thigh, his hand and mouth were on your breasts, the other hand was making its way downward, torturously slowly. You shifted and tried to make him faster, but he kept going ever so slowly.

He now pressed a kiss to your breast and moved on to the other one. He swapped the hands, restarting the journey towards your wetness. You moaned as he finally reached it and pressed a thumb to your spot, making you shiver. You saw him smirk around your breast. He nibbled your nipple lightly and returned to your mouth and you kissed him hungrily, tangling your hand in his hair. He smiled into the kiss and entered you with a single finger.

It was enough to make you whimper with pleasure. He slowly pumped in and out of you, too slowly, the pleasure was overwhelming; you bucked your hips and tried to make him faster. He rubbed circles around your spot with his thumb and let a second finger slip inside you, still going extremely slowly as you moaned and twisted underneath him. He broke the kiss and looked into your eyes with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes and then increased the pace.

You felt your climax building inside of you, the pleasure coming in waves, and you moved hysterically to chase it.  Just as you thought you were rushing over the edge, he slowed down again. The tingling ebbed like the tide and you moaned, opening your eyes for a second to shoot Loki a murdering look. He laughed and sped up again, causing you to bite back a long whimper. He slowed down, just when you had started to think you were going to climax, and this time you opened your eyes long enough to see his mischievous eyes sparkle. He sped up once again, not slowing down as you approached the edge, but instead keeping his rhythm.

Suddenly, your climax washed over you, making you buck your hips involuntarily and whisper his name. He kissed you again, gently but hungrily, and continued to pump his fingers in and out throughout your entire climax. You were panting and whispering his name over and over again.

“My name sounds wonderful on your lips, my love,” he purred. You smiled and, knowing that it was his turn now, pressed your body against his. He smirked and rolled over pulling you with him. You straddled him, placed your wetness above his shaft and moved your pelvis ever so slightly, making him groan and place his hands on your hips to rub you along his shaft, up and down. You felt a wave of pleasure return and shivered.

You slid off of him and took his shaft in your hand. He groaned again and bucked his hips.

He was so attractive; with his eyes clenched shut and his mouth just a little open, moaning with pleasure as you slowly pumped up and down with your hand. You smirked and leaned over to kiss him, which made him moan, and when you broke the kiss you had sped up a little.

Seeing as you had never done anything like this earlier, except for yesterday, you were proud you could pleasure him so. When all the other girls in the village had run about with boys, all you had done was read and fool around with Jele. Many had thought you and Jele were together, of course, but you had never had any interest in Jele and he hadn’t had any interest in you either.

You sped up a little more, and then slowed down again, just to tease him like he’d teased you. He growled, the most attractive sound you had ever heard, and bucked his hips again. He was peeking at you through half-closed eyes, but you could still see the pleasure mirrored in his eyes.

You were extremely keen on hearing him make that sound again, so you repeated earlier actions. You were rewarded with something between hissing and moaning, but it was not enough so you increased the speed again, but before you could do anything he groaned and his seed shot out. He was bucking his hips in desperate attempts to keep the pleasure, and you kept pumping until he shuddered one last time and released the grip he had had on the sheets.

You smirked and reached up to kiss him again. He responded, desperately nibbling your lower lip. He tangled his right hand in your hair and rested his left one on the small of your back, keeping you close as he kissed you. You didn’t dare do anything with your hands since his seed was all over them, and as soon as he released you, you slid out of the bed and over to the bathroom to wash your hands.

“We made a mess.”

His voice in your ear made you jump, since you hadn’t noticed him entering the room. You didn’t know what to say, so you chuckled and dried your hands before finally turning around. He immediately embraced you and pulled you close. His lips were on yours before you knew it.

“I don’t mind doing it again,” he whispered. You laughed and kissed him swiftly.

“Nor do I, but I need to clean myself,” you whispered back.

“As do I, my love. Perhaps we should do it together?”

You pondered his suggestion for a moment, knowing full well that you wanted it. Just when he was about to say something, probably an apology or something like that, you answered.

“Good idea.”

He laughed his exhaling laugh and squeezed you before letting you go. He walked back into your room and soon returned with his clothes. You snorted playfully as he slid the painting aside and tucked the clothes into the hole in the wall, but when he laughed your curiosity took the upper hand.

“Why does that even exist?” you asked and nodded towards the hole. Loki laughed again and opened a cabinet above the basin. You raised your eyebrows at him when he turned his head back after searching the cabinet’s content, and he chuckled.

“This castle was built hundreds, maybe even thousands of years ago. Either the builders were having some fun or our rooms were meant for someone who needed such a thing, I honestly don’t know, but it is useful”, he said. You rolled your eyes at him and watched as he poured some kind of oil into the water you had filled the tub with when he was collecting his clothes.

A wonderful scent of lavender filled the room as the oil mixed with the water. Loki tugged at your hand and you stepped into the tub together. It fit you both easily, but your legs tangled in the middle.

The water was warm and soothing against your skin and for a long while you did nothing but enjoy it with your eyes closed. It was easy to forget about everything and let your thoughts absorb your mind. Loki was quiet and still, and so were you. You let a memory engulf you as you sat there.

_This time, you were one step ahead, and heard him when he sneaked up behind you. Instinctively, you spun around and grabbed his hands before he could sneak them around your waist. You forced your eyes to meet his, still holding his hands, but you didn’t know what to say, so you just stood there. He looked a little shocked, but the shock disappeared as fast as it came. His deep emerald eyes locked yours and you felt lost in their beauty. He was just standing there, watching you, and after a while, you felt your hands relax, and now he was holding your hands. His hands were warm around your ice cold fingers, and he unconsciously stroked the back of your hand with his thumb._

_Then, all of a sudden, he released your hands, only to place his own upon your cheeks. Before you had time to react, he leaned in and kissed you._

_At first, your mind twisted itself while trying to figure out what was going on; when it did, your brain practically screamed at you to stop, to run, to hide. Still, you didn’t. For just a second, you stood still. Then you kissed him back. He tasted like he smelled, sweet but dangerous. Although right now you couldn’t think of him as dangerous. Your mind felt like an earthquake, your emotions flew around at the speed of light, but his lips felt so fantastic against yours that you didn’t want to let go._

You smiled a little as the scene rolled through your mind, but Loki’s voice made a knot form in your stomach and you slowly opened your eyes.

“In about a week, there will be a small ‘ball’ that I’m supposed to attend. It’s really just my mother presenting me and Thor to potential future wives, disguised as a ball, but you know I don’t want them, so…”

He bit his lip and glanced down before he looked at you again.

“You’ll go with me, right?”

You smiled and answered;

“Of course I will, who else would I go with?”

His muttered response (which sounded a lot like ‘Thor’) drowned in another memory. You closed your eyes again and dove deep into the world of dreams.

_You woke up early; the sun still hadn’t climbed fully above the horizon outside your window. You rolled out of your small bed and dressed quickly before sneaking past your mother and stepfather’s room and down the stairs. In the cupboard, just where you had left it, was the cake you had spent your hard-earned money on. You snorted when you noticed your little sister had been there to taste the cream, but all in all the cake seemed to be good. You carefully lifted it down and put it on the small wooden table in the kitchen before you crept up the stairs to wake your sister._

_She was awake, eyes glittering in the faint light, and came with you downstairs. You carried the cake upstairs and into your mother’s and stepfather’s room. Your stepfather wasn’t there, since he worked early, but your mother was asleep. Your little sister crept into her bed and snuggled up next to her, reaching up to whisper in her mother’s ear;_

_“Happy birthday, mother.”_

_Your mother jolted up, but smiled when she saw you. A tear made its way down her cheek as you repeated your sister’s words. She patted the bed next to her and you cuddled up next to her, careful not to drop the cake. She used a finger to swipe some cream up and tasted it, just like your sister had probably done yesterday night. You smiled again as she turned to you, now almost crying, and whispered;_

_“I love you.”_

Loki’s voice pulled you back into the present.

“What’s wrong, darling, you’re crying!”

You hadn’t noticed you were crying. You cursed in your mind and tried to wipe your tears away with your hand, but you instead smudged foam onto your cheek.

“It’s… nothing”, you said, voice thick with suppressed tears.

Your mother’s deep eyes seemed glued to your eyelids, her voice ringed in your ears as she repeated those three words all over again.

_I love you._

“Is it me? Should I leave?” Loki made a movement as to heave himself up, but you shook your head. If anything, you needed him.

He sat back and you clumsily made your way over to him to collapse in his arms and cry even more. He held you, caressing your arms and stroking your hair, as you cried. After a while, he asked again.

“What’s wrong?”

Before you could hold it back, you said:

“Nobody loves me. I… my mother and my sister were the only ones I had, but they’re gone now, and Jele hates me for being with you and… There’s no one left. Nobody loves me”, you repeated.

Loki seemed to ponder your words for a while before he bent his neck and whispered:

“Darling, I’m here. You have me, and I love you more than life itself.”


	19. Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You miss Loki. Loki misses the sword.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agh I've been reading this fanfic through and found like a thousand mistakes and weird things O.o  
> I don't understand how you guys can love this so much xD it sucks xD
> 
> But it's friday, and with friday comes fun
> 
> aka new chapter
> 
> enjoy (I doubt you will, I suck and it's boring) chapter 19!

You missed him. You missed him a lot.

You didn’t realize you would miss him this much.

It was like there was a hole in your chest, a hole that could only be filled by him.

Loki.

After you had bathed, Loki’s father had demanded him to go and he had left in a hurry, leaving you alone in the stables as he led his horse away.

You were still in the stables, even though it had probably been almost an hour since he left. You had spent the first fifteen minutes staring blankly at the road down which Loki had ridden, waiting for him to come back. Then when that act proved fruitless, you sank to the ground and stared at the wall.

Several times servants had asked if you were fine, if they could get you something, if there was anything at all they could do, but you sent them off, sometimes rather rudely. You didn’t really care about anything but Loki right now.

Just as you had decided you should do something before someone sent you to a healer, Thor showed up.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” you answered coldly and hid your face in your hands as another wave of desperate longing for Loki’s touch flowed in.

“I do not agree with you. Come, let us find something entertaining to do.”

_‘I know something entertaining: Loki.’_

_‘Oh, stop it now. Thor is trying to be nice, forget Loki and enjoy yourself.’_

_‘I don’t want to have fun without Loki.’_

The voice in your head made a disappointed clicking noise with its tongue (did it have a tongue? It was a voice in your head, how could it have a tongue?) and you slowly got up. Thor was waiting patiently for you with his hand stretched out, which you took and allowed him to lead you to the library. You halfheartedly tried to enjoy a good book, but you couldn’t stop staring into the corner where the puffy sofa stood. You and Loki had been there a few days ago…

_‘Stop thinking about Loki!’_

“I’m sorry about my earlier actions,” Thor said quietly. You smiled at him and tried to make it sincere, but you still hadn’t quite gotten over what Thor had done.

_‘Alcohol…’_

_‘So you would rather have Thor than Loki?’_ you asked your mind.

_‘Who said that? I’m just saying you should forgive Thor, because he was under the influence of alcohol and he is a good man!’_

_‘Better than Loki?’_

_‘You are thinking about Loki again.’_

_‘I know. I enjoy it.’_

“Can you forgive me?” he asked. You looked into his piercing blue eyes and sighed.

“I know you never meant to hurt me, Thor. You are forgiven.”

“Thank you!” he exclaimed and pulled you into a rib-crushing hug. When he released you, you massaged your ribs and laughed at his confused face when you did so.

You soon managed to sink into the world of the book you had chosen. It was the sad book that you had dropped on your last visit to the library. Loki was right, it was sad. You were on the verge of tears when Thor broke the silence.

“Are you going to marry Loki?”

You let out a short laugh.

“Why are you asking?”

“Well…”

“He hasn’t proposed, if that’s what you think, and I doubt he will. He doesn’t want to get married.”

“But…”

“I dropped a book. Loki picked it up. Nothing less, nothing more, just your fantasy.” you said and winked. Thor chuckled, relieved.

“You know my fantasy,” he joked, “but if he was to propose… would you say yes?”

You honestly didn’t know. What if Loki did it? You frowned, trying to imagine being married to Loki. Just Loki being married was hard, but you being married to him…

Eventually, he would have to marry a royalty. You knew it. You just hoped he wouldn’t actually fall for someone on the ball…

_‘Are we jealous, now?’_

Were you?

“I don’t know,” you said, slowly. “I’m not even certain on what…what we are.”

Thor snorted, making you laugh again.

A memory flashed by.

_“_ _How about you, my prince? Any lucky girl out there?_ _”_ _you asked playfully. Thor explained that he loved a girl who would never be his, for she was already taken, but she had loved him once. It hurt you to see how sincerely unhappy the prince was, and you quickly changed the subject._

A knot formed in your stomach as you remembered something else.

_“Why is Prince Thor acting so strangely around me?”_

_“He is?”_

_“This morning he was all shy, he refused to look at me, but now, suddenly, he talks to me like anyone else!”_

_“Well… I think- I think my brother is in love with you.”_

_Your heart sank. Prince Thor, in love with you?_

_“But that’s just- no, he can’t be!”_

_Loki took hold of your upper arms and looked into your eyes._

_“Why couldn’t he? He told me so himself.”_

_“But he said he loved someone who belonged to someone else, who had loved him but gave him up for another, and I’m-“_

_“Might it ever have struck you that my brother knows, just as well as anybody else, how to lie?”_

“Thor,” you said absently, still pondering whether you should ask him or not. Thor looked up from his book and raised his eyebrows. You continued.

“Who was that girl you said you were in love with?”

“When did I say that?”

“A few weeks ago, when you showed me around the castle.”

Thor made a sound of recognition.

“I… I didn’t tell you the whole truth, I guess. I really, really like you.”

“Were you talking about me?”

“I was, I suppose. I just… well, yes.”

“But you… you said you had been together with her!”

“I didn’t want you to… to suspect anything.”

“So you lied.”

“I told you one small lie, but one truth.”

“I didn’t belong to someone else!”

“You didn’t?” Thor said, and now he was angry. He was speaking loudly and had put his book down.

“No!”

“You’ve been sleeping with my brother!”

“I haven’t!”

“You haven’t? So what have you been doing these last few days, cuddling? I know my brother better than anyone else; he would not take you here with other intentions than to bed you!”

 “Why did you lie to me?” you asked, desperate to turn his attention away from you and Loki.

“I couldn’t bear telling you how foolish I was. Why do _you_ lie to _me_?”

“I’m not lying!”

Thor stared at you in disbelief.

You walked away, shaking with anger.

“Come back!” Thor called after you, but you ignored him. He caught up on you pretty quickly and grabbed your wrist to stop you. You wriggled out of his grip and ran. You didn’t hear Thor following you, and when you looked over your shoulder at the end of the corridor he wasn’t there, so you slowed down.

A tapestry was pulled aside and Eir walked into you.

“Oh, I’m sorry, my princess,” she muttered and continued.

“Your what?” you asked, only to realize you sounded very rude and half-heartedly add “miss.”

“Are you not a princess, my lady?” Eir asked. Stunned, you shook your head. “Then, I beg to apologize. I have been away from the castle for a long while, and thought Prince Loki had gotten married.”

She smiled a quick, crooked smile and sent you that amused look you had seen last time you saw her. What was so amusing?

She chuckled.

“You are a lot like your mother, my lady. Not only do you look like her, you also act like her. Has nobody told you about your mother and the king?”

“Yes…”

“It is amusing that first, the king and your mother find each other inside of these very walls only to, years later, find their children doing the same, my lady. Now, with all due respect, I have to rush.”

She started walking away.

“Wait! What do you mean, ‘find each other’?”

“Didn’t you know that your mother and the king had a love affair?”

With that, she left you standing paralyzed in the empty corridor.

 

 

Han sighed. He had done that several times in the last minute and successfully driven you mad.

“Will you stop sighing?” you exclaimed.

Han sighed again, but the corners of his mouth were twitching.

“I do not understand why Loki would lie about that,” he said.

You sighed. Han laughed and boxed you playfully on the arm, earning a slight push from you. He almost fell off his stool, but managed to save himself by gripping the handle of the door he sat next to.

“I suppose I’ll just have to ask him,” you said and got up. It was the day before Loki was to return, meaning you had survived four days without him.

You had spoken to Thor, who had consumed frightening amounts of mead and banged your door down in the middle of the night, apologized and then fallen asleep on your floor. The morning after, you woke up to find him sleeping like a baby, complete with a thumb in his mouth. It had looked so ridiculous, that big man lying like that and looking so helpless, that you had burst out in a fit of laughter, successfully waking him. You had spent the entire following day together and were better friends than ever, now that Thor understood your relationship with Loki a bit better. He was, of course, jealous, even though he kept insisting he wasn’t. There was a way his entire face darkened when Loki and you were mentioned in the same sentence, which always gave him away.

You and Han walked back into the kitchen and were greeted by a nervous servant who said the king and queen had requested your presence in the throne room. You felt the color leave your face the second you heard it.

_‘What are they going to say? They’re sending me away, I swear, or maybe they’re just going to kill me, or-‘_

_‘Why would they? If Loki is right, Odin wants you to be happy, so he wouldn’t kill you.’_

_‘Loki lied about Odin and my mother, why wouldn’t he lie about that?’_

You couldn’t help but feel a little betrayed at Loki’s lie.

You had never been in the throne room before. It was an enormous hall, light but somehow golden, with two huge thrones above a few steps in the far end. You looked around, wide-eyed, but then you noticed the king and queen in their thrones, looking at you. You curtsied deeply.

Frigga snorted and rose from her throne. She walked up to you with a small smile and took your hand.

“I need a word with you, my dear.”

You swallowed and followed her out to the corridor. She looked around and when she had made sure nobody was watching, she said;

“Loki has been hurt.”


	20. I love you...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You always did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOOOOOOOOOOOONG week, finally over... And late update .-.
> 
> You guys with your wonderful comments... I don't deserve all that, I honestly suck xD Or, well, all I see when I read my own texts are things I could do better... But you people... "this is amazing", "you're an amazing writer"... *tears*
> 
> I love you guys, you've been sticking with me for 20 chapters...  
> And there will be more;)

You froze. _Loki was hurt_.

“W-What… what happened?” you asked, voice shaking.

“They were attacked by bandits on their way home. He was, of course, the goal, and his injuries slow them down. He hasn’t been able to ride his own horse, my dear, let alone ride it fast as they were supposed to do.”

“Why was-“, you started, frowning, but then you realized that he was the prince. Of course he would be the goal of an attack.

“He’s a prince. This happens sometimes, I’m sure you’ve noticed his scars.”

You had, indeed, noticed his scars. When your hands felt their way down his body you would occasionally find one, screaming its existence out by being even paler than his already pale skin. You had just never thought of where they came from.

“So… so when will they come back?” you asked. You tried to calm your shaking hands by pressing them to your sides, but you failed. Frigga thought for a moment.

“In two days, perhaps. I do not know how slowly they have to travel for Loki’s injuries not to become worse.”

“But he has been to a healer, he must have!”

“Yes, of course, but Eir is the master and she’s here. Did she see to his shoulder?”

“Yes, she did.”

“Good. I worry about my son’s pride sometimes; he’s not one to admit that he’s hurt if he doesn’t have to.”

You rolled your eyes, which made the queen laugh, but then she adopted a very serious face.

“He needs someone to take care of him”, she said.

You gulped.

“I can take care of him, if that’s what you mean, my queen”, you said.

“I am not sure I approve of your relationship, my dear. Loki needs to marry someone of his own class to keep our reputation on a good level. We would not need our names dragged to the dirt.”

You felt the blood rushing to your face and raised your voice.

“I would not ‘drag your names to the dirt’!”

“I am sure you have no intention to, but that is what will happen if Loki marries you- “

“So someone ‘of his own class’ would be better, no matter how disgusting they may be, than someone your son is happy with? What kind of mother would sacrifice their son’s happiness for good reputation?” you said coldly. You had had enough, and, breathing heavily, you left the queen and walked back into the throne room.

“Your majesty wanted to see me?” you asked. To your surprise, Odin was smiling. He had tears in his eyes and leaned forward as he saw you.

“You do not need to use such formalities in my presence, dear.”

You nodded, and he continued.

“I have a few things to discuss with you. First of all, I want to apologize.”

“Apologize?”

“I have lied to you, dear, not directly but through my sons. Not all things they have told you are true, and for that I am ashamed, but please, do not hate them. They know as little as you.

I was in love with your mother. You are strikingly much like her, more than you realize, I think. When I first saw you, I thought you were your mother. Then, of course, it hit me that your mother has grown just as much as I have. Hopefully, she hadn’t forgotten me, because I haven’t forgotten her. We were in love, we wanted nothing more than to be together, but my being a prince forced me to marry Frigga. She is a wonderful woman, and I do love her, but she is not quite like your mother.

I am going to do everything I can for you and Loki to stay together, dear, for nothing is worse than being forced away from your love.”

You were breathless. What was this?

_‘Oh dear.’_

“M- my king, I am so thankful”, you mumbled and curtsied. He snorted, waving your gesture away with his hand.

“Second, I want to know your intentions of being with my son. I do hope you are interested in him, since he would surely risk his life to see you, dear.”

“I am, my king.”

“Third, and listen closely now: Frigga does not like you. She will do anything to keep you away from Loki. Do you know of the ball that will be hosted here in a few days?”

“Yes, my king. Loki asked me to go with him”, you said. Odin chuckled.

“That ball is only for Loki to find a wife. There will be princes and princesses from a variety of countries, and all those princesses will either be interested in Loki or Thor. I want you to help them both stay away from their temptations. Is that alright?”

“Yes, my king, but… what do you mean by ‘temptations’?

“Thor drinks too much wine and beds too many women, while Loki starts too many discussions and, though you might not have to worry about that, beds too many women.”

You chuckled. That would seem pretty accurate. Odin smiled at you and continued:

“Thank you, dear. Now, I know that a certain son of mine is waiting outside, so go.”

Indeed, outside the doors was Thor, waiting nervously for something. When you got out his eyes lit up and he pulled you with him into a secret staircase.

“I need to talk to you”, he whispered as an explanation. You nodded and swallowed, and he continued.

“A couple of royalties, who will attend to the ball in a few days, have heard of you and do not like you. They are of the same opinion as my mother, and the princess is in love with my brother, which makes this harder for us. We need to make sure they don’t do something to hurt you or Loki, and we need to think of something fast, because they will arrive today. These people can be cruel.”

“Today?” you exclaimed. The ball was in two days of time and nobody else was coming earlier than the night before.

“They probably want to get you out of the way, which means you will have to watch out.”

You sighed. This was not what you needed.

“So… who are these people?”

“Prince Lel and Princess A-“

Voices from the corridor outside cut Thor off.

“They have arrived!”

“Hurry, where is the prince?”

“Does he have to disappear like that?”

Thor rolled his eyes and pulled the tapestry hiding them away. The servants standing outside jumped, but then one took him by the hand and pulled him off, leaving you with two other servants nervously eyeing you. You raised your eyebrows at them and they both jumped.

“Am I supposed to be welcoming whoever it is who has arrived?” you asked. The servants shrugged, so you decided not to.

 

 

You sipped the hot tea, which Awah had brought to you, and listened to her as she spoke. It was the second day after your talks with the king, queen and Thor and the day before the ball.

Suddenly, Awah was interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. You flew out of your seat, knowing who it was, and ran over to the door to open it.

Jele’s eyes widened when he saw you, but he walked past you into the small apartment and greeted Awah happily. He then turned to you, his eyes cold.

“I need to talk to you”, you said. Awah walked into the kitchen to make Jele some tea and Jele nodded and sat down on the sofa. You sat down next to him.

“What is it you need to say?” he asked. You took a deep breath.

“About Loki…”

“I don’t care about Loki. Apparently, he’s gotten into you, and… I suppose I cannot control you, so… if you want to, be with him. I can never like him, but if he treats you well…” Jele said with a slight tremor in his voice.

“But it’s not like that, Jele, I…” you started, not sure how to finish the sentence. “I don’t know about him and me. He’s wonderful, he really is, but I can’t be with him if I’m hurting you. Still, I can’t hurt him.”

“Why not? Why does he mean so much to you? You’ve only known him for a few weeks!”

“He’s always alone, always in the shadows, never has anything positive said about him, and he needs some love, Jele. I can’t stand by as he keeps being sad!”

“You pity him? You pity _him_ , after what he did to me?” Jele asked and pulled his shirt up to reveal the scar Loki had left in his side. You gasped, since you had never seen it before, but Jele shook his head and let his shirt down. You found yourself staring at the spot where the shirt hid the scar for a while.

“Jele, I…”

“You never knew, did you? He wouldn’t hesitate to kill me, I’m sure-“

“He did that to help me!”

“What?”

“The army would have captured me if he didn’t catch up on me, but you were keeping him from doing so, so he had to hurt you!”

You ended the sentence with a sob.

“Why does he care about you? Why did he do that for someone he had only just met?”

You sobbed again, now searching desperately for an answer. You knew, of course, that Loki had known about you earlier since his family had spied on you, but you also knew Jele would not stop until he had killed the entire royal family or himself if he found out.

“He cares for me”, you said, tears streaming down your cheeks. Jele embraced you in a tight hug and you let yourself cry in his arms.

“I know”, Jele said. “I know, and you care for him, and if you want to be with him I cannot stop you. I just don’t trust him.”

“I know.”

“Are you going to marry him?”

You laughed at Jele’s question. Why did everybody ask you that?

“I thought you knew I don’t want to get married!” you laughed. Jele smiled sadly.

“That was because of the war, wasn’t it? You didn’t want to have to see someone you loved suffer, or have children go through what we went through, right? But now you live in a castle with a prince…”

“I don’t live ‘with a prince’, Jele, and I’m still not sure if I want to get married, especially not with a prince. I prefer to be free. Imagine me, doing the duties of a princess!”

Jele laughed.

“Fine, perhaps you shouldn’t be a princess”, he said with a smirk.

“Exactly.”

“But you could still marry someone else, right?”

“Why would I? I don’t like the idea of being tied to a man for the rest of my life, especially not when there are close to no good men here! Most people are awful, Jele, you know that!”

“I’m not awful…” Jele said quietly. You blinked, trying to process what he said.

“Jele… we’re best friends. If we… if we married, everything would change. I-“

“I want to be more than friends, you know. We have so much fun together, and I cannot imagine being without you, and if you marry someone else you will have no time left for me!”

“Jele…”

“I’m in love with you, I just wish you could see that.”

A short knock on the door disturbed your awkward moment, which was probably good since you were unable to say anything because of the cold shower of emotion you had just had. The door opened before you could do anything else and Ullr entered.

“Ullr!” Awah exclaimed. You sat in confusion, frowning as you tried to remember if Awah worked at Ullr’s pub.

“Awah, good to see you! I see Jele is here as well, good-“

Ullr stopped and his eyes widened as he saw you. You smiled faintly at him as he continued.

“Isn’t it the prince’s lady!” he said with a wink. Jele sighed behind you and a jolt of guilt shot through your stomach.

“Hello, Ullr”, you said.

“I thought you would be in the castle with your prince.”

“He’s back?” you asked loudly and jumped to your feet.

“I saw them riding up the slope, my la-“

“Thank you!” you shouted and ran off.

 

 

After running almost the entire way back to the palace and up to Loki’s room, only to find it empty, and then down to Eir’s room, you found yourself in a heated discussion with a guard who refused to let you in.

The door opened behind the guard and Eir stepped out.

“What is going on out here?” she asked, eyes narrow.

“I need to see Loki!” you shouted and the guard immediately started to protest, but Eir cut him off.

“He’s not awake; I had to put him to sleep to patch him up. It is not as bad as we first thought, it just hurts. I will give him something to ease the pain when he’s woken up, and then he can see you, but now he needs to rest. I suggest you occupy yourself with something else since this will take a couple of hours.”

You blinked dumbly. Your skin was prickling in need of Loki’s touch, and she says you’re not allowed to see him?

Eir walked back into the room and you turned your attention back to the guard, who was smiling triumphantly. You rolled your eyes and walked off.

You ended up in your room, lying on your bed and staring into the ceiling. You could almost feel Loki’s cold fingers on your skin, light and careful. You squirmed and tried to think of something else.

_‘But Loki feels so good.’_

His hair tickling your skin as he rested his head next to yours, his lean body pressing against yours, his deep breathing as he slept, his wonderful, raspy voice when he’d just woken up…

His scent, mischief mixed with danger and pleasure, his smirk as he touched you, his heart beating ever so steadily in the dark as your body tangled with his under the covers…

A single tear made its way down your cheek as you realized you loved him.

You loved Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O.o


	21. Euphoria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki comes home!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Laaaaaaaate
> 
> gueeeeeests
> 
> sleeeeepyyyyyy
> 
> Jesus christ I love this chapter...

After a while of crying you decided that you had to freshen yourself up, so you poured a hot bath and added the lavender oil Loki had used when you bathed together. As the smell filled the room you felt tears threatening to fall again.

You really did miss Loki.

You bathed quickly, then dressed up in a beautiful green dress and braided your hair before walking to Loki’s chambers.

There was someone waiting outside his door when you arrived. You smiled lightly at the girl, who seemed only a few years older than you, but she cast you a loathing look and your smile faded.

She was pretty; she had long, blonde hair and blue eyes, thin eyebrows and cute little dimples. She wore a long dress, blue as the sky on a warm summer day, it matched her eyes perfectly. Still, she was frowning and looking at you like she would rather kill you on the spot, which kind of killed the prettiness. You didn’t quite know what to say after the not-so-warm welcome, but you didn’t have to worry since she spoke up.

“I suppose you’re looking for Prince Loki?”

You nodded. She sneered and continued.

“You’re not as pretty as I heard you were. I guess that’s why you wear a green dress, to try and impress him?”

She had a nice, lilting accent, rather like Han’s. Her voice was light and beautiful, just like the rest of her. Just as you were about to knock the door, she spoke again.

“He’s not answering.”

You turned around, now curious.

“Who are you, if I may ask?”

“I’m Aliyah, princess of Heidmar. You need not introduce yourself,” she answered with a cold smile.

_‘Oh no.’_

_‘Oh no?’_

_‘Remember what Thor told you a few days ago?’_

_‘Oh no.’_

“It’s an honor,” you said with a curtsy, but the princess before you just laughed.

“I know that you think Loki will love you forever and ever and all that, but he’s lying. He’s just playing, he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He will soon realize he cannot spend the rest of his days with you, and when he does, he will come crawling back to me, begging me to marry him. He needs to marry a princess, and you are not one.”

“He doesn’t want to marry anyone,” you said slowly.

“He’s lying! He knows he cannot be with you, and soon enough he will realize there are many ladies who are a thousand times better than you-”

“Yourself included?” someone said behind you with a low, chilly voice that sent shivers down your spine. You froze.

Aliyah was staring at Loki over your shoulder, and as his arms sneaked around your waist and pulled you to him you started smiling in triumph. Aliyah’s eyes were flashing envy on you as Loki bent his head and whispered in your ear.

“I’ve missed you, darling.”

It was enough for you; he was holding you close and his hair fell onto your shoulder as he pressed a kiss to your temple. You spun around and hugged him tightly. He hugged you back, one hand on your back and the other on your head as he held you close. You breathed deeply, inhaling his wonderful scent with every breath.

“I’ve missed you too,” you said, your voice thick with suppressed tears of joy. Loki laughed his exhaling laugh and lifted your face with one finger under your chin. He studied you closely with those green eyes of his that were sparkling with joy before pressing his lips to yours.

You exploded with emotion. Euphoria rushed through your body and you were on the verge of tears, his thin lips against yours were wonderful, even better than you remembered. It was like he had been away for years. You hadn’t realized how much you missed him until now.

He broke the kiss after several seconds and you cast him a playfully disappointed look which made him chuckle, then you buried your face in his chest again. He was wearing his usual green tunic, with black leather trousers and a thick belt. How you longed to just rip those garments off him…

“Can I help you, Aliyah?” Loki asked, a badly concealed tone of amusement in his voice. Aliyah snorted.

“I’m in my quarters when you’re done playing.”

You heard her steps, hard against the floor, as she walked off.

“I’ve missed you so much”, you whispered. Loki chuckled again and kissed your head.

“Same, love.”

You looked up and studied his face, careful to take every single feature in. He had some bruises, you noticed, but they didn’t seem to bother him as he kissed you again, this time with more passion, more force, unleashing a flood of emotion. He broke the kiss to pull you into his room and shut the door behind you. When he turned back around you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him.

You took care to do all the things you loved to do: tangle your hand in his hair, smell his scent, sneak your hand in under his tunic…

Around his stomach was thick bandaging, rough cloth wired around his body. You pulled your hand back and broke the kiss to look up at him, but he smirked and whispered:

“Pain killers.”

He then took hold of you and pulled you over to the bed, on which he collapsed with you on top of him. You continued where you had left off, but were soon interrupted by knocking on the door. With a sigh, you rolled off of him and Loki reluctantly sat up on the edge of the bed. You sat up as well when he rose and walked over to the door to swing it open.

Eir walked in, rolled her eyes when she saw you and turned to Loki, who smirked and shrugged. You raised an eyebrow, which made them both laugh. Eir put the little wooden box she was carrying on the table and turned to you.

“I’ve forbidden any physical activity that might worsen his injuries, my lady.” she said with a meaningful smile. You chuckled.

“So, what brings you here?” Loki asked. “You saw to my wounds only an hour ago.”

“I suspected you weren’t going to let me in to nurse you after she arrived,” she said and motioned to you with her thumb. “So I brought you some pain killers in case.  In the box are some tools and other useful things as well, in case something happens. I’m in my room if you need me. Now, do whatever you please as long as you don’t risk your own well-being!”

Eir walked out of the room again, still with that knowing smile.

“How are you?” you asked with a faint smile. Loki chuckled and sat down next to you.

“I’m just fine, love. I might be wounded, I might be hurt, but right now I’m happy because you’re here with me,” he said and you blushed, thinking you were never going to get used to his nice words.

“What happened?”

“A bunch of bandits, nothing we couldn’t handle. They all went for me, and some of them managed to get a hit or two in, but I’m fine now.”

“I’m glad you’re okay,” you said and kissed him. He responded quickly, nibbling at your lower lip, and you parted your lips slightly for him to enter.

Warmth spread from your very core as he pulled you down onto the bed with him. You were still kissing passionately, your hands were all over his body, wherever you could reach, longing to feel his skin under your fingers. You had longed for this for almost a week, which was far too long in your book.

He shifted and ended up on top of you, caressing your sides. You threw your head back onto the bed as he tugged at your dress and started trailing kisses down your neck. He nibbled at your skin, leaving red marks at some places. You knew they would be visible the day after, but you only smiled at the thought.

He tore his tunic off himself and revealed the bandaging around his stomach. It covered a lot of his torso, and at one spot there was a little dried blood. You lifted a hand and carefully touched the bandaging. Somehow, it made him look vulnerable.

He leaned down and kissed you again and you let your hands roam his body freely. You could feel his erection through his trousers and his body tense up wherever you touched him. He pressed his shaft to your thigh and broke the kiss only to whisper seductive words in your ear. You were pulsating with desire by now, panting and pressing your body to his.

Loki rolled over and pulled you with him so that you were on top. While you took advantage of it and kissed him, he pulled your dress off you. You broke the kiss and sat up to pull the dress over your head.

You had seen this coming and therefore wore barely anything as undergarments. Loki smirked as he noticed that and then pulled you down to kiss you again.

He struggled a little with his belt, but then managed to pull his trousers off, leaving you both in only your underwear.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Loki whispered into the kiss. You smiled and responded by kissing him more fiercely and rubbing his hard length through his underwear. He moaned, which encouraged you to continue, and shifted underneath you.

You tugged at his underwear and then continued, making him moan again, then you started trailing kisses down his neck. You nibbled his skin lightly and he groaned. Smirking, you returned to his mouth and kissed him again, still rubbing his shaft.

You tugged at his undergarments a few times and then stopped to look at him. His eyes were glowing as they locked yours. You bit your lip, unsure of what to do.

 “What do you want?” he whispered.

You didn’t know what you wanted.

_‘You want Loki.’_

_‘But do I want that?’_

_‘I don’t know, do you?’_

_‘I thought we were the same person.’_

_‘Don’t do this to me...’_

_‘What do you want?’_

“You look incredibly cute when you lose yourself in thought,” Loki said with a smile.

You sighed and rolled off of him. You couldn’t do this, not now. No matter how much you wanted him, you couldn’t do it. You wanted it, you wanted to give it to him, but something stopped you.

Loki pulled you into a warm embrace and kissed your forehead.

“Loki?”

“Mm?”

You took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t b-”

“No, I really am sorry, Loki. I want it, but I don’t, but I still do, it’s confusing, and I don’t know what to say, but every time we do this it’s like something is holding me back, and it feels so strange because I really want to do this with you, but there’s this feeling I can’t shake off, and…”

Loki was quiet, so you continued.

“It’s like someone is tugging at the back of my mind, telling me not to do it.”

“I’d say that’s common sense, darling. That happens a lot to me; don’t call me mad, but there is some kind of voice in the back of my head telling me what’s right and wrong,” Loki said with a smile.

You looked up at him, eyes wide.

_‘I’m not alone?’_ your mind asked in shock.

“I have that voice too,” you said quietly.

“When the time is right, even that voice will say so.”

You reached up and kissed him lightly on the lips. He smiled into the kiss.

“Should we sleep?” you asked when he cast a glance out the window. It was dark outside, and after all the ball was tomorrow. Loki nodded and pulled the covers over you both.

As you snuggled up next to him with your head on his chest, listening to the soft _thump, thump_ of his heartbeat, with his arms around you, the little voice known as your common sense, or your mind, or just the voice in your head, spoke up again.

_‘I want it.’_


	22. Make a choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decisions, decisions...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines Day! My love goes to every single one of you who read, comment and leave kudos, because I can't live without you! Writing is so much more fun when you people are here to go through this story with me. Except for this chapter I'm posting one other work today called "Happy Valentines Day", which is a short (meant to be) cute Tom Hiddleston one shot.
> 
> I hope you guys are all doing well:3 As always, I need feedback (how can I make this story better?), so thank you for taking the extra minute!
> 
> And thank you to all my readers, you're friggin amazing:3

Loki’s voice woke you up in the middle of the night. He was trashing around in the bed, shouting.

You crawled over to him.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, but he didn’t answer. His eyes were closed and he was sweating and groaning. You shook him gently, but he didn’t wake up. Instead, he muttered some distorted words and rolled away.

“Loki?”

He rolled back and shouted something you didn’t quite catch, but then he whispered something with a clearer voice;

“I don’t want her to go…”

“Loki?”

“Please… Don’t make her go, I need her…”

You raised your voice and shook him again.

“Loki?”

His eyes shot open. He grabbed you by the shoulders and pulled you down to rest half on top of him, half on the bed in some kind of embrace. He was holding you close and refused to let you go when you tried to move, so you stayed in that position despite it being uncomfortable.

“Don’t leave me,” he whispered and pulled you down next to him.

“I won’t,” you whispered. He smiled faintly at you and held you tightly. You lay like that for a while before Loki spoke again.

“I dreamt you left me. I don’t want you to leave me.”

You reached up and kissed him lightly.

“I will not leave you,” you whispered and cuddled up against him. He held you tighter, shaking slightly.

_‘Is he crying?’_

“Loki?”

“Darling?”

His voice was thick, like he was trying to hold tears back.

“Are you alright?”

“As long as you are here I’m fine.”

You smiled and kissed him again, then you laid your head down next to his and after a while you felt him relax and his breath steady. Calmed by his chest rising and falling slowly under your arm, you fell asleep.

 

 

Light knocking on the door woke you up in the morning. Loki’s arms were still around you, holding you close and preventing you from moving. He was asleep, breathing slowly.

You took a deep breath and snaked your way out of Loki’s embrace and out of the bed. As you didn’t have any clothes, you pulled Loki’s tunic over your head and headed over to the door to open it. It creaked a little as it swung open and revealed a young servant with a tray which was far too big for her tiny arms. The tray was loaded with food, food which looked delicious to you.

Your stomach grumbled when you saw the food and the delicious smell of freshly baked bread reached your nose. You took the tray from the girl, who smiled thankfully and stretched her arms.

“Lady Eir told me to tell you that she would like to see to Prince Loki’s wounds when you’ve woken up, miss. Should I tell her you are awake?”

You looked over at Loki, who was still sleeping. He looked adorable as he lay on his side with a peaceful expression on his face.

“I don’t want to wake him…” you said absently, still watching Loki sleep.

“It is alright, miss, Lady Eir said she could wait.”

“Good, thank you!” you said and nodded to the tray in your hands. The girl smiled and hurried away and you returned to bed after placing the tray on the table next to the bandages.

You snuggled up next to Loki and reached up to kiss his cheek, and not until then did you realize he was awake. His vivid green eyes were fixed on you and a smirk was making its way onto his lips, but when he spoke it was with the raspy voice that signed he’s just woken up.

“Good morning, love.”

You smiled and kissed him lightly.

“Breakfast?” you asked when you broke the kiss. Loki just smirked and pulled you closer.

“Not yet,” he whispered and kissed you. You had to stop yourself from rolling your eyes instead of kissing him back. He pulled you up on top of him and nibbled your lower lip. You wasted no time in parting your lips slightly to let him in. Loki shifted underneath you but grunted in pain and broke the kiss with a pained expression on his face.

“How are you?” you asked and rolled off of him. He sighed and massaged a spot below his ribcage.

“I’m not going to lie, it hurts.”

Then he smiled and continued.

“But you make it bearable.”

You smiled, butterflies fluttered around in your stomach as you did. Were you ever going to get used to words like those?

 You pecked his cheek and rolled away to get out of bed, led by the wonderful smell of breakfast. When you reached the tray, you looked at Loki. He had closed his eyes and lay with a hand over the spot he had massaged earlier, brows furrowed and mouth half open as he breathed shallow breaths.

“Loki?”

Loki opened his eyes and looked at you.

“It hurts.”

“Should I get Eir?”

Loki closed his eyes again.

“There is a jar in the box labeled ‘Dolor’. If you could just crush one of those leaves into anything I can drink, it is fine.”

You opened the box Eir had left and scanned the content quickly. There were a lot of healer tools you didn’t understand, and some you recognized, a bunch of cloths and a few small glass jars. You picked one of the jars up and examined it. It held a few green leaves of some sort, but the label was smudged so you couldn’t see what it said. You picked another jar, which held the same green leaves, up and read the label.

‘Dolor’ was written with neat handwriting on the small label. You opened the jar and picked one of the bright green leaves up with two fingers. It was dry and crispy with a peculiar smell you recognized from somewhere; strong, prickling, close to disturbing, but somehow pretty nice. You crushed the leaf into one of the mugs with tea and gave it to Loki, who thanked you and drank slowly.

He patted the bed next to where he sat as he drank and smirked as he saw you rolling your eyes. Nevertheless, you climbed into the bed and sat next to him.  He put an arm around you and you let yourself relax.

When Loki had finished his tea you brought the breakfast tray over to the bed and you both ate in peace. When you were finished, you remembered that you had no clothes to wear. You asked Loki, who chuckled and got out of bed, walked over to the door and swung it open. He looked out into the corridor and shouted something, and after a few seconds a servant stood in the opening.

_‘At least the pain killers seem to work’_ , you thought as Loki spoke to the servant.

The servant walked off and Loki returned to you. You were sitting on the bed, watching as Loki made his way towards you. He was still only in his underwear, except for the bandages around his stomach.

“What’s with that smirk?” you asked when Loki sat down next to you. He didn’t answer, but pulled you close and kissed you passionately. When you broke apart, you raised an eyebrow at him and he chuckled.

“I like the sight of you in my bed.”

You rolled your eyes, but smiled nevertheless. Loki pushed you down onto the bed and kissed you with more force. His one hand was tangled in your hair and the other on your breast, caressing it lightly through the tunic you still wore.

A small, frightened voice said something. Loki ignored it and you followed his lead, not wanting to stop, but whoever was there wouldn’t give up. At last, Loki pulled away from you and looked up at the small servant girl from earlier standing in the doorway. She had a light green dress folded neatly in her hands.

“My lord prince, I am terribly sorry for disturbing you but Lady Eir insists that you go to her so that she can see to your wounds,” she said, a slight tremor in her voice.

“You obviously missed the fact that I am busy, child. Tell Eir I will come when I find time,” Loki said rather rudely. You tugged lightly at a strand of his hair and he looked down at you.

“You’re bleeding. Go to Eir.”

Loki sighed.

“But I want to be with you.”

“You can come back afterwards, I’ll wait for you.”

Loki sighed again and got up. After quickly dressing, he left for Eir. The servant looked hesitantly at you, but you smiled at her and she entered the room.

“I was told to bring you a dress, my lady.” she said and put the dress on the bed. You sighed and sat up.

“Thank you.”

The girl’s eyes widened and you raised an eyebrow, still smiling. She hesitated, but then explained:

“Not many would thank a servant, my lady.”

“They should,” you said and then continued. “Is Loki always rude towards servants?”

“My lady, he is rude to anyone below his class. He believes they are not worthy of his attention or care,” she blurted out, then immediately clasped her hands over her mouth, her eyes widened in horror.

You smiled at her and beckoned her closer.

“I think you are worth a king’s attention and care,” you said. The girl protested, but you continued firmly. “You are pretty and strong and have worked far too much with no recognition or gratefulness in return. Tell me, what’s your name?”

“Saga, my lady, and thank you.”

“Saga is a beautiful name.”

Saga blushed, but smiled and then helped you dress. When you were done, she took the breakfast tray and left. You looked around in the room while pondering what to do. You ended up reading a worn book you found on Loki’s bedside table. It was old and tattered, and had no story. Instead, it was filled with short tales about brave men and women who had all done great things and were known in bedtime stories as well as more descriptive books. You shifted in the armchair you sat in and remembered tales similar to these that your mother used to tell you.

The door creaked and you heard steps on the floor. In the next second, Loki whispered in your ear:

“Why’d you dress when you knew I was coming back?”

Before you could answer he swooped down on you and lifted you. He carried you to the bed and threw both of you on top of it with a mischievous grin on his face, but you had no time to ponder that before his lips was on yours. You kissed him back, smiling, but your smile turned into a moan as he caressed your sides. He smirked and broke the kiss only to trail kisses down your neck instead, occasionally nibbling at your skin, causing you to moan.

You tugged at his tunic and he sat up to pull it off. He pulled your dress over your head and soon you were both lying naked on the bed, still kissing passionately.

Loki’s hand made its way downwards, and you realized this was it. You were going to do it.

_‘I have to choose.’_

Loki pressed his shaft to your thigh and kissed you again.

_‘Make the decision!’_

He kissed your temple.

_‘But what do I want?’_

Loki asked you the same question, and you took a deep breath before answering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uuuuuuuuu did you do iiiiiiit?


	23. The ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dancing, dancing... And who is the strange man who looks frighteningly much like Loki?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRYYYYYYY
> 
> My internet is being a bitch, I literally have to move all my stuff through the entire house to even get an internet connection ;-;
> 
> I'm so sorry for its lateness, but I hope the chapter will make up for it... If not, maybe the next will? Yes it will;)

You sighed and sipped the wine again. You had stood in the corner for almost twenty minutes while Loki was being introduced to a princess by his mother.

You sighed again and let your eyes sweep over the crowd in the great hall, there were people everywhere: kings, queens, princes and princesses. Thor was standing in another corner, surrounded by a group of girls. They laughed and he took the chance to drink more wine, though if he continued, you suspected he would most likely do something he would regret. You rolled your eyes as he had a servant refill his cup and walked over there.

You caught his eye and he nodded. He excused himself and followed you out to an empty corridor.

“How many cups of wine have you had?” you asked accusingly. He chuckled.

“Too many, I know. I suppose my father sent you to keep me away from it?”

“That and the girls,” you said with a smile. He chuckled again.

“So if I keep away from them, what do I get?”

“You will run free from my punishments,” you joked and he broke out into laughter. You saw a jealous face peek around the corner and raised your eyebrow. Thor followed your gaze and, when he discovered his pursuer, jogged over to her. You rolled your eyes and walked back into the hall.

Loki was talking quietly to an old man in the corner where you had stood earlier. You walked over to him and smiled as you saw his eyes light up. He pulled you into an embrace and then kissed your forehead, but not after whispering “she was dull” in your ear. You rolled your eyes at him and he smirked.

The old man scratched his gray beard and looked at you.

“My lady, I know you from somewhere. Have we met?”

You frowned. You did not recognize the man at all.

“You must be mistaken, sir, for I do not recognize you,” you said with a smile, “but perhaps you have met my mother. I am said to look a lot like her.”

“It must be so. I have traveled a lot across the land, I might once have stayed in her village.”

You smiled and nodded. The three of you talked animatedly for a while more, until Frigga dragged Loki away to meet another princess. Somebody tapped your shoulder and you turned to find a young male who looked strikingly much like Aliyah smiling at you.

“May I have this dance?”

You thought for a moment. Loki wouldn’t like it, you knew that, but you were bored and he wouldn’t be able to sneak away for a while, so you nodded. The man took your hand and introduced himself as Prince Lel of Heidmar, brother of Aliyah. As you danced around among the other couples, he barely spoke except for when asking for your name, but afterwards as you were both having a refreshing drink, he kept a conversation up. As he was in the middle of describing the wonderful lakes of Heidmar, his eyes widened and he looked at something over your shoulder.

In the next moment, Loki’s arms sneaked around your waist and he whispered in your ear:

“Enjoying yourself?”

His voice was gentle, but with a small tone of jealousy.

“Yes, actually.” you answered, and anyone but Loki would have missed the teasing tone in your voice. He chuckled.

“How about some fresh air?”

It was obvious that he wanted to be alone with you.

You looked at Prince Lel, who was smiling at you, and he nodded. After thanking you for the dance, he disappeared into the crowd and you and Loki went out to a balcony. It was empty and quiet after the loud music and voices inside, and a chilly breeze gave you goose bumps as you leaned onto the rail. Loki stood next to you and looked out over the village.

Somewhere, out there, was Jele. Probably in Awah’s apartment, or at her mother’s house. They were surely having tea, laughing over some joke he’d told…

“Darling?”

You jumped. You had not been ready for Loki to whisper in your ear. He chuckled and turned you so that you were facing him. His eyes flew over your body before he looked into your eyes.

“You’re so enchanting this evening,” he said and pulled you close. You rested your head against his chest and savored the moment before answering.

“And you look incredibly handsome.”

He chuckled and you closed your eyes. You felt and heard his laugh rumble through his chest.

“Are you enjoying the ball?”

You smiled and pulled away from his embrace to look into his eyes.

“A lot more now.”

You reached up and kissed him lightly on the lips. He smirked and pulled you closer, intensifying the kiss. When you finally broke apart, it was to see Frigga standing in the doorway with a stern look on her face. Loki rolled his eyes and turned to you.

“I’ll see you later, love.”

You smiled at him and let him kiss your forehead. Frigga looked at you for a moment before turning and leaving with her son.

You sighed and turned back to the village. Somewhere, in one of those tiny buildings, were Jele, and Awah, and Emrie, and loving husbands and wives, children playing… They were enjoying life, oblivious to the fact that you were watching them. You smiled as your thoughts turned to the kitchen and Han, and to Saga. They were probably both working hard to keep the guests happy.

“Miss?”

You turned around and faced a tall man with striking green robes. His skin was pale, paler even than Loki’s, and his hair black. It fell in long curls around his face and over his shoulders. You looked up into his eyes, which were brown with green speckles in them, and smiled.

“Sir?”

“What is such a beautiful lady as yourself doing out in the cold?” he asked and smirked. You studied his face for a moment. He looked very much like Loki, except for his eyes and hair. His features were softer than Loki’s and he stood in a different way, but except for that they were almost identical. You would have thought it was Loki with longer hair if it wasn’t for the eyes.

_‘Wait! You recognize how Loki stands?’_

An image of Loki plopped into your head and you smiled.

“Catching my breath and a little fresh air, sir.” you answered with a smile. He smiled again, and you noticed his lips curved the same way as Loki’s.

“May I have the next dance?”

He held his hand out. You shrugged and took his hand. He led you onto the dance floor, where a new song had just started, and placed his hand by your waist while he held the other high.

He was a good dancer, you noticed, as he led the way around on the dance floor. He kept a good pace up and you almost tripped over your own feet a few times, but he caught you every time and pulled you into an unexpected move, hiding your failure successfully.

Loki turned up behind him during a slower part of the dance and tapped his shoulder. The man turned and Loki asked him if he may take over.

He looked from Loki and to you and back again. Then, with an “oh!” of recognition, he nodded and left with a smile. Loki smirked and placed his hands where the other man’s had been. You danced, slowly but comfortably, and when the song finished Loki had led you to the outskirts of the dance floor.

“Should we retreat?”

You smiled and nodded, having nothing to do at the ball and being tired after a long night.

Loki took your hand and led you out through a side door and into an empty corridor. He glanced at you several times while you walked through the corridor until you raised your eyebrows and he smiled.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured and stopped. You stopped as well and looked at him, smiling.

“You’ve told me so, yes.” you said. He chuckled.

“You are different from other girls. Anyone else would blush and thank me, but you give me smart replies and cute looks. You’re not afraid to talk to me or question me, and you’re not as interested in clothing and such as you are in books, and knowledge, and you’re actually fun to be with. Everyone else has one main interest with me, and that is my being prince, but you are actually interested in _me_.”

You frowned and looked up at him, head tilted a little to the side. He was correct, of course. You weren’t interested in his power or his money, you liked _him_. The man behind the mask, if you had to describe it, for Loki was a completely different person when you were alone with him. When you were in crowds he would be quieter, hiding behind a mask, carefully crafted with help by the rumors that spread like fires throughout the country, but when you were alone he would be cheerful and romantic and sometimes adorable. He was completely different from the monster that was described in the stories you were told as a child.

Loki leaned in to kiss you. Before your lips met, he whispered:

“And I just can’t keep myself off you, love. You’re irresistible.”

Then his lips crashed down on yours. He pushed you up against the wall and let his hands roam your body freely, smirking into the kiss. You bit a moan back as he caressed your sides gently, sending sparkles through your body, and tangled one hand in his hair and pulled him closer with the other on his back.

A loud voice calling your name made Loki pull back. You turned your head to see Jele staring at you from the other end of the corridor, surprise and horror etched into his features. Loki cursed under his breath and looked back to you.

“I’ll be in my chambers,” he said and threw a hateful look at Jele before pulling you close and kissing you again. Jele returned the glare as Loki walked by and then looked back at you. You sighed and took a deep breath.

“Jele—”

“Don’t. It won’t make it better.”

The tone of disappointment in his voice sent a pang of guilt through your heart.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was invited to see you, I guess. It was the queen who invited me.”

“She did?”

He noticed the surprise in your voice and frowned.

“Didn’t you request for it?”

“No”, you smiled, “but I’m glad you’re here! If you stay, that is,” you added quietly. He smiled and walked up to you.

“How do you know if you love someone?”

You smiled at Jele’s remembering the old discussions you had had.

“If you can’t live without them, you love them.”

“And I can’t live without you.”

He pulled you into a close hug.

“Jele?”

“Mm?”

“Will you stay? Or will you return to the village?”

“The queen told me to stay for as long as I wanted, and I’m staying if you want me to.”

“That’s great!”

“I suppose so. But I would guess you want to go to Loki now, huh?”

You fell silent. You did want to go to Loki and continue what you were doing when Jele interrupted, but-

_‘Now I know! You’re not innocent anymore, that’s it!’_

_‘What?’_

_‘When Loki came back, you pictured tearing his clothes off on the spot, and you’ve thought about him in that way every day, and now you’re thinking like that!’_

_‘Oh…’_

“What’s up?”

“The sky,” you said with a smile. Jele laughed.

“There’s actually several floors of castle and then roof, but at least you were thinking. What were you thinking about?”

 “I was just remembering the ball,” you lied with a sigh.

“Go to Loki. Just be careful, I don’t trust him, all right?”

You rolled your eyes but smiled.

“I trust him.”

You then ran off to find Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I seriously cut it off there, yes I did...
> 
> But hey, next chapter... #ifyourethinkingwhatimthinkingthenasdfghjkl


	24. There's a frog in the room...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why didn't you let him do this earlier...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah  
> Like  
> I feel like this chapter sucks...
> 
> IMPORTANT: If you're not interested in smut, don't read. This is four pages of sex. Or three, at least. Don't read it if you're not up for it.
> 
> Sorry for the spoiler, but I don't want freaked out readers...  
> I love you all:3
> 
> Thanks for all the amazing comments:3

You knocked Loki’s door but he didn’t answer, so you gently pushed it open to see him asleep on his bed, fully clothed. You smiled at the sight of the peaceful expression on his face. After closing the door, you sneaked over to his bed and laid down next to him. He still hadn’t woken up, and you hadn’t expected him to since he was probably rather exhausted; the past day had been filled with preparations and duties and on top of it all he was still injured, even though Eir had done excellent work. With her potions and care, Loki’s wounds healed faster than you had ever seen.

You smiled as you remembered what had happened in this very bed earlier. You hadn’t, for some reason, done what you desired and lost your innocence. Something kept you back, and Loki refused to do anything against your will, so there was no way it would have happened. You were still happy, though, and so was Loki.

Said man stirred next to you and rolled over, smiling when he saw you.

“Hello, darling.”

You smiled back.

“Hello.”

“Were you worried to wake me?”

“Why, yes, I always am!”

Loki just chuckled and pulled you closer.

“Waking up and seeing you the first thing I do is wonderful, so please, keep waking me,” he whispered in your ear. You kissed his cheek.

“You should go back to sleep; you couldn’t even stay awake to wait for me,” you suggested.

“I was merely resting my eyelids. I am yours for the night if you want me,” he answered and you could feel the smirk in his voice. You smirked as well and took the chance you saw.

“The snoring suggested otherwise…”

“I do _not_ snore!” Loki said and rolled away with a pout. You laughed at his expression.

“Then perhaps there is a frog in here.”

“I would have noticed.”

You snuggled up to him and delivered the final blow.

“How? You were asleep.”

“I give up.”

You laughed and tickled him. He shouted and jolted away, but you followed and reached to continue. He took your hands in his and held them away with an expression of joy mixed with mischief on his face.

_‘Oh no.’_

He quickly rolled on top of you and kissed you. You kissed him back while struggling to get your hands free, but there was no way they would escape the grip Loki had on them.

He kissed your cheek and continued to your neck, occasionally nibbling at your tender skin. You moaned and shifted underneath him and felt his hot breath against your collarbone. As he continued downwards, you noticed his grip on your hands had softened and you could pull them away. He didn’t make any effort to stop you, but instead let his hands move over your body freely.

You moaned again and he looked up at you. The mischief had turned into lust, it was written across his face and etched into his every feature. He smiled and reached up to kiss you on your lips with full force. He tugged at your dress, asking silently for permission. You smirked and tugged at his shirt.

He broke the kiss to look into your eyes. Tilting your head a little, you smiled at him as he sat up and pulled his shirt over his head.

He pulled your dress off and started working on your undergarments.

_‘I wish I could pleasure him as greatly as he pleasures me.’_

You didn’t know where the thought came from, but you did feel so. Loki always did his best to pleasure you the most, and you wanted to return the favor somehow, but you knew nothing about pleasuring men. You had never done anything like this, and he was… Well, he was Loki. What if you did something wrong?

_‘How could you possibly do something wrong? Just do what you usually do, he seems to enjoy it thoroughly, doesn’t he?’_

_‘I want to give him more! My hands are no good substitute for what he has probably done and expects of me-‘_

_‘Did he not tell you he doesn’t expect anything of you? Did he not say he just wants you to be yourself, that you alone are everything he wishes for?’_

_‘He did.’_

_‘So what is the problem?’_

You reached out and started undoing his belt. He stopped fondling your breasts for a moment and sent you a quick glance which you answered with a smile. He raised his eyebrows and you reached up to kiss him while pulling his trousers off. He helped you by wriggling out of them and then returned to kissing you, fondling your sides. You felt his erection pressing to your thigh and his hot breath on your neck as he, again, nibbled at your skin. Your hands felt their way down his body and up again, then you pulled him down to you so that his entire body was pressed to yours. His shaft was between your legs, pressing slightly at your spot.

“Are you sure?”

You bit your lip. Yes, you were sure, you wanted it.

_‘Just say it, nod, do something!’_

“Yes.”

Loki looked at you, frowning slightly but smiling.

“It’s going to hurt.”

“I know.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!” you smiled. “I wouldn’t tell you to do it otherwise, would I?”

“I guess not,” he muttered. “But it will hurt, and I don’t want to hurt you, so tell me if you want to stop.”

“I will.”

He smiled and kissed you before positioning himself at your entrance. You closed your eyes and waited for the pain. Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself into you. It was pain and pleasure at the same time, it was wonderful and awful but still absolutely amazing. He pressed further into you and made you moan and whimper with pleasure and pain, then stopped. You opened your eyes to find him looking intently at you.

“Alright?”

You nodded and moved your pelvis just a little. When he stopped, the pain faded and now you felt your walls stretch and accommodate to his size. He smiled and, kissing you, pushed himself all the way in. Your hips met his and he groaned into the kiss before pulling out and pressing into you again, a bit faster this time. You gasped as his hips met yours and he smirked and picked up a rhythm. Throwing your head back, you moaned loudly when he pushed into you a third time, then a fourth, you lost the count but you didn’t care because you loved it. His moans were synced with yours and his shaft brushing past every nerve inside of you. Whimpering, you bucked your hips and moved your entire body, desperately chasing after the pleasure that seemed to flow and ebb like the tide, while prickling pain flowed through you with every thrust he made.

Loki pressed a thumb to your clit and you gasped again. Pleasure shot through your body and your eyes flew open as he rubbed your clit gently, eliciting a moan from you before starting to caress your sides. You settled your own hands on his back and pulled him down to kiss him.

He sped up a little, now pumping in and out of you with more force. He hit a certain spot inside of you with every thrust, and every time he did you whimpered with pleasure. The pain faded with every thrust he made and was replaced by even more pleasure.

You felt your muscles tighten around Loki’s shaft as your climax started building, but it was nothing like it usually was. It was better, much better; your entire body seemed to tingle and pleasure jolted through your core every time he thrust into you. Warmth spread through your body and you dug your nails into Loki’s back, eliciting a moan.

His hands were all over your body, caressing your sides, rubbing your spot gently... He was trailing kisses down your neck, and with every kiss you whimpered. You noticed that his movements were becoming jerky and also that he had picked up the pace. He settled to holding your hips tightly and kept moving, now whispering your name along with random curses and other things you didn’t catch.

You thought your climax had finally come, the pleasure was overwhelming, but it never faded; instead, it increased, and you found yourself shouting Loki’s name loudly and moving as jerkily as him.

Your climax came, for real this time. You yelled Loki’s name again and moaned loudly as he kept thrusting, pleasure jolting through your body, and he cursed before you felt his seed spurt out inside of you. You moved your pelvis a little, whimpering when it shot even more pleasure through your body, and relaxed. You were panting and whispering his name between breaths. He let his body fall down on top of you, his length still inside of you, and rested his head next to yours. You turned your head and kissed his cheek gently.

His shaft was throbbing inside of you, his sweaty body pressed against yours and his breath hot on the skin of your neck, and you loved it.

“How was that?” he whispered. You just smiled and turned your head to kiss him on the cheek again.


	25. I love you too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not only cuddling... But mostly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another week, another chapter... But that might change.
> 
> So, guys. I'm in a rather deep depression and nothing feels right at the moment, I've been forcing myself to write the latest weeks and coughed up a rather decent 27 but I don't write one chapter a week... I don't want to give you people any half done shit, I want to make this good, so I have to beg you for forgiveness...  
> I'm probably not gonna update every week anymore, but as often as I can, given that my studies and health allow it. I'll still be answering any comment or question you have:3 I'm going to do my best to keep this story alive, because I love it as much as you (and I have such plans...).
> 
> As always, thank you (!) for all your amazing comments and *faints* ALMOST 300 KUDOS  
> Like hello....  
> I'm not that good am I xD  
> Guys, thank you. You keep me up in the darkest of days. I love you <3

You slowly opened your eyes and groaned.

_‘No, it’s not time to wake up yet.’_

You closed your eyes and rolled over to fall back asleep, but you rolled into someone. Your eyes flew open again.

Loki was fast asleep, his chest rising and falling with a steady rhythm. Your eyes feasted on his body for a moment before you noticed something else; a long, pink scar. It stretched from his side to his stomach, where it ended abruptly a few inches from his navel. Eir had probably outdone herself to get Loki free of his bandages so quickly. But then again, according to Frigga, Eir was “the master.”

You reached out and traced a finger along the scar. It hit you how much it must have hurt, having a sword cut your skin up like that. And Eir had said all wounds were deep enough to kill…

He could have died from that, you knew as much.

_‘But he didn’t die.’_

You tried hard not to imagine life without Loki, but there was no escape. You held a sob back. There would be no waking up in his arms, no raspy “good morning”, no warm body to cuddle up next to, no wonderful kisses and no calming heartbeat. You laid your head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. It did calm you, somehow, to hear it. You traced a finger along another scar, a shorter one which seemed to have been caused by a dagger stuck into Loki’s abdomen. How he survived you did not know, but you were happy he did.

He muttered in his sleep and you pulled back as he rolled over towards you. A lock of hair fell down into his face.

Smiling, you reached out and brushed it away. He groaned and his eyes fluttered open, his features softening as he saw you. You smiled at him and he pulled you closer with one strong arm around your waist. You kissed him softly, and when you pulled back his eyes sparkled with joy, but then he frowned and the smile he had been wearing faded. You saw his jaw move as he bit the inside of his lip and frowned as well. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and opened it again.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” he said, slowly and tentatively. You raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

He bit the inside of his lip again and took a deep breath.

“Many of the things you have heard about me are probably true- the women, that is. When I want someone I usually take them, either seduce them or force them to come with me. Those are cruel actions that I do not fancy at all when I think back…”

You sighed at the lump that formed in the pit of your stomach and Loki continued hurriedly.

“But I love you, and I… I want you to love me. I don’t know how to be romantic, or how to treat a woman right, but I know that I want you and I just want you to love me back. I don’t want you to feel forced into being with me or uncomfortable with my presence, and I don’t want to use you. I want you to love me back.” he repeated with a sigh.

You lay still for a while, pondering what Loki had just said. He had admitted he loved you twice now and you had yet to figure your feelings for him out. You had been close to telling him you loved him, but did you really? Did you feel something as strong as love for this man? He rolled away from you and laid still, his back turned to you, obviously regretting what he had just said. You crawled after him and laid an arm around his waist.

_‘Tell him, tell him, tell him’_ , your mind urged you to say those three words.

_‘But what if I don’t love him?’_

_‘You’re in love! He’s driving you mad, woman, and you know it! Just think of what you did yesterday! Now tell him!’_

“Loki?”

No answer. You rolled your eyes and kissed his shoulder, the closest piece of him at the moment. His arm tensed and then relaxed, and you kissed the arm as well, just on the muscle. Then you planted a kiss on his neck and let your tongue lap out to touch his skin. He shuddered and stretched his neck to give you more room and you smirked before nibbling at his skin. He groaned.

You nibbled at another spot and then sucked at the mark, which made him shiver. He growled and before you knew it you were below him and he kissed you passionately. When he broke the kiss he asked:

“What is it?”

You hesitated, but the voice inside your head threatened to slap you (you wondered how it would do that since it was a voice inside your head) and at last, you said those three words which you had feared to say for so long, admitting you felt the feeling you had feared to feel since day one.

“I love you.”

He stared down at you for a moment, eyes darting between your left and right eye and then towards your lips. His gaze returned to your eyes for a moment and you smirked before reaching up to kiss him lightly. He growled again and nibbled your bottom lip, but you pulled back and smirked again.

“What?” he asked. You fondled his sides and back, biting your lower lip and batting your eyelashes. He growled again and you giggled.

“I like that”, you stated and he smirked.

“Oh, really?”

He nuzzled his nose in your neck and growled again, a deep, throaty sound that rumbled through his body under your hands. He nibbled at your skin and returned to your lips with a smirk. He kissed you hungrily, but then a knock on the door disturbed you. He rolled his eyes and muttered something about never having a moment alone, then he got out of bed and pulled a pair of trousers on before swinging the door open. Outside was Saga, the servant girl from the day before, with a huge tray of food. He took the tray and sent her off, not even looking at her. You smiled reassuringly when she sent you a quick glance before leaving, but made a mental note to talk to Loki about how he treated his poor servants. Nobody deserved the treatment he gave them.

“Hungry?” Loki asked with a smile. You smiled back and nodded.

While eating, you had a long discussion with Loki about Aliyah. Apparently, she had been in love with Loki for a while and done everything to catch his attention while he had had eyes only for you. The subject changed to the ball and the guests, and you asked Loki about the strange man who looked so much like him. Loki laughed.

“I figured you would ask sooner or later, and I’m afraid my answer will not satisfy you, for I have no idea where he comes from or who he is. In a time of desperation we were companions, but I never even got his name. I think he is a prince or king of a far away kingdom, because he always manages to get into every single ball, feast or event held. Could you please give me some more Dolor-leaves?”

You nodded and got some leaves out of the jar, wrinkling your nose at the rough smell which made your skin prickle. Loki chuckled and explained about the plant from which one could get the leaves.

“You know the two men who planned to sell you as a slave?” he asked and crushed the leaves into his tea.

“Hard to forget”, you replied, wondering why he was talking about them.

_‘Wait! The smell! That smell in their cabin! It’s Dolor leaves!’_

“They grow Dolor plants. You must’ve recognized the smell, it smells like… Well, not pleasant.”

You smiled. “Not pleasant” was definitely an understatement.

“What do they need such plants for?” you asked and nibbled on a grape.

“Take a guess.”

You frowned and thought for a moment. The leaves relieved pain. Would Bergel and Garm use the leaves to cease their victims’ pain when they beat them?

Loki suddenly made a humming sound like he remembered something and reached for the wooden box with Eir’s medications. He pulled a little glass jar up and handed it to you. You took it and inspected the contents curiously while Loki sat back in his chair. A few thin, green twigs with light green leaves on were inside. Frowning, you looked up at Loki.

“In case you would prefer not to carry my child,” Loki explained, watching you intently. You swallowed and looked back down at the jar. You did not want a child, you had never wanted one, just like you never wanted to marry, but something in Loki’s eyes told you he thought differently.

_‘That was because you were afraid to lose it all!’_

_‘I still am…’_

_‘You have nothing to lose here! You can marry Loki and build a family and live happily without worrying about losing it all!’_

_‘But childbirth is dangerous…’_

_‘You’re making up excuses! Look at him, they way his eyes sparkle when he looks at you! He would be more than happy to have you forever!’_

_‘And if I was to have his child? Neither of us wants marriage, which means the child would be born a bastard, and Frigga would have me thrown out of the castle!’_

_‘Loki wouldn’t allow that-‘_

_‘Loki’s got nothing to say against the will of the queen!’_

“Darling?”

You looked up and noticed that Loki was leaning forwards, frowning, with concern written across his face.

“It’s fine…” you said and looked back at the glass jar in your hand.

“You decide, love, I don’t want to force you into anything.”

“I’m fine, just… How much do I have to take?”

Loki bit his lip and you saw the disappointment flood his eyes.

_‘So he does want a baby…’_

He showed you how to get the seeds out of the plant and instructed you to chew them slowly. Afterwards, you pulled him back into bed and cuddled up next to him. He lay quietly and held you close, but he was tensed. You wanted to address this issue but you had no idea how to. Your mind served you with a thousand different ways to do it but each way was worse than the other.

“Darling?”

Loki’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

“Yes?” you answered.

“Do you not want a child or do you not want my child?”

You sighed.

“I do not want a child, it doesn’t matter whose child it is. But if I had to carry one I would rather it be yours than anybody else’s”, you explained. Loki sighed and kissed your temple.

“I love you, darling, no matter what. It’s just… the thought of a child, our child, is wonderful. It’s something I would love to see.” he said. You smiled and reached up to kiss him.

“I just never wanted one, because… Well, because I didn’t want my children to suffer like I did, growing up in a war, if that’s what you could call it. We didn’t even fight back, we had no one who could do it. Everybody protected themselves and I didn’t want to make my children go through that.” you explained and hugged him tightly. He kissed your head and hugged you back, saying:

“Nobody can hurt you here, love, and nobody can hurt your children. I would do anything to keep you safe, you know that.”

“I’m just not used to having no worries.”

Loki chuckled and kissed you, and you remained like that for the entire day, cuddled up on the bed. Well, not only cuddling… But mostly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not only cuddling... But mostly;)


	26. What happened?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You just acted...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys... your response has been amazing  
> I don't understand how incredibly lucky I am...  
> And seriously  
> 311 kudos  
> *runs into wall*  
> I love you<3 everyone who's read, commented and left kudos, everybody who's taken a moment for me... I love you:3  
> And it's amazing, really... We've come so far! Not long ago at all was this a short and weird story I never thought would become anything worth reading, but now... Now it's something big, and something that keeps me up and running. And all your amazing comments... Thank you<3

The days went on and everything was just perfect in your eyes. To your delight, Jele stayed and, not as much to your delight, so did Aliyah. You managed to avoid her using the many hidden stairwells of the castle, but you couldn’t escape her during dinners, which she spent sitting as close to Loki as possible. That meant she was often next to you, talking past you to gain Loki’s attention. On the third day after the ball most of the guests had left, the exception being Aliyah and her brother. They claimed to have business with the king and queen, but both you and Loki knew they were only there because Aliyah wanted Loki.

You were walking through the library corridor with Jele when you heard shouting. The library doors flew open and Loki stumbled out, followed by Thor. They collapsed in a pile on the floor and laughed themselves senseless. Jele gave you a look as if to say “what in the devils name are they doing?” and you shrugged with a smile.

The princes got up and brushed the dust off their clothes, and not until then did they notice you and Jele. They looked at each other and laughed again.

“Really, what are you doing?” you asked. Large smiles spread on both of their faces and they shook their heads.

“We had no idea they were trying new dresses on…” Thor muttered and Loki smirked and continued,

“How could we know when nobody informed us? We just wanted to read in peace…”

You rolled your eyes while Jele laughed.

_‘Really, men…’_

“Had fun?” Loki asked and kissed you. You hummed a yes while jealous eyes belonging to Thor and Jele burned into your neck; Loki loved to show you off like a trophy in front of his brother and Jele.

“Uh oh…” Thor muttered and looked over your shoulder. You turned around to find Aliyah walking towards you. Thor and Loki, being princes with responsibilities, greeted her with fake smiles on their faces while Jele stared at her with wide eyes and you ignored her completely. She walked past you and into the library.

When the library doors swung closed behind Aliyah, Thor teased Jele for staring at her body, but you didn’t see that because Loki had pulled you into his embrace and was kissing you hungrily. His hands were on your waist, keeping you close, and his lips on yours. You held back a moan when his hands traveled around your body to your butt and he smirked into the kiss.

Thor cleared his throat and you broke the kiss to look at him. He rolled his eyes and you smiled, but didn’t step out of Loki’s embrace; his hands felt way too good.

“I was thinking dinner, but obviously my dear brother has other plans,” Thor said and Jele chuckled. You rolled your eyes and mouthed “later” to Loki before taking a step backwards.

“I saw that!” Thor exclaimed and you all laughed.

You did have dinner after all, but you and Loki spent the entire time flirting. You barely paid attention to what you ate. You absently hung on to the conversation around you while eating, and as soon as you were finished Loki announced that he was to retire to bed after a long day. You snuck out with him while the others laughed. Outside, Loki pushed you up against the wall and kissed you. He pressed his body against yours and you felt his arousal through his trousers.

“Damn I want you, woman.” Loki whispered and pulled you with him by your hand. When you finally reached Loki’s quarters, you were overwhelmed by need. His whisper had made you shiver with lust.

Loki shut the door behind you and pulled you into a deep kiss. He stooped down and pulled your dress up over your head, completely ignoring the lacing in the back, but when he reached to pull his shirt off you smirked and pushed him down on the bed. He lay still with raised eyebrows as you straddled him and caressed his sides. You bent down and kissed him gently and then trailed kisses down his neck and at last nibbling his tender skin. He moaned and shifted underneath you, but you used your full body weight and kept him down. You kissed his cheek and then returned to his lips and he smiled when he saw your smirk before you kissed him hungrily. You sat up again and held back a whimper when you felt his hard arousal. You pulled his shirt up and he lifted his head and shoulders off the bed to help you get it off. You threw it to the floor and let your hands run free on his toned chest. You traced the lines of every muscle and scar there was and the thought of how lucky you were to have Loki crossed your mind. You smiled and kissed him again while slowly rolling your hips, eliciting a few moans from the man beneath you. With a devilish smirk you trailed kisses down his neck again, but instead of stopping you continued down past his collarbone and along his lean body down to the lining of his trousers. You nibbled lightly at his skin and he moaned.

_‘By the gods, that sound is arousing!’_ the voice inside your head whimpered.

_‘You don’t say?’_ you answered ironically.

_‘Don’t be cheeky with me, you pulled me into this…’_

_‘And you love it, don’t you?’_

You smirked and tugged at his trousers with your teeth. He groaned and reached down but you stopped his hand and instead pressed a kiss to the skin that had been exposed and then pulled his trousers down a few more inches. The tip of his long shaft came into view, already leaking seed and throbbing with arousal.

_‘Wait a minute, what in the name of heaven are you going to do?’_ your mind asked you, panicked.

_‘Something I heard about in the village…’_

_‘For god’s sake, you can’t actually believe that people do that!’_

_‘Why not? I’ve heard of it before!’_

_‘I am not with you on this, not at all, goodnight.’_

You smirked and kissed the skin right next to his shaft and he moaned again. He didn’t seem to have any problem with what you were doing… Nevertheless, a lump formed in your stomach. You had heard a lot about this, you were sure it wasn’t just a story. You had even heard about it from the few female friends you had in your village, those girls who did this all the time, and they had told you about how much men enjoyed this, so you were going to try.

You took a deep breath and yanked his trousers down completely and freed his erection. After swallowing a few times you took his shaft in your hand and tentatively pumped your hand up and down and he moaned and threw his head back, eyes shut. Okay, then… You took a deep breath, licked your lips and then slowly lowered your mouth to his shaft.

He gasped and his head shot up when your lips made contact with his skin. You slid your mouth further down and he moaned, a deep and throaty sound. He clenched the sheets and shut his eyes again as you let your tongue lap out to taste him. He moaned again and thrust his shaft up into your mouth. Taken aback, you ignored the urge to gag and instead slowly raised your head up until only his tip was in your mouth. You traced a circle on his tip with your tongue and tasted the seed. It was a little sweet but mostly salty. You let your head slide further down and pressed your tongue flat against his length when he moaned, and this time you were ready for the thrust. You didn’t pull back, instead you started bobbing your head slowly, taking his shaft in as long as you could before you felt like gagging. It was actually quite arousing, feeling his long shaft in your mouth, hearing his moans and knowing that you made him feel like that. You had his length in a steady grip by the base and started pumping your hand up and down in a matching rhythm with your head.

This drew another moan out of Loki and you couldn’t help but moan as well. This felt better than you thought it would have. You flicked your tongue at his skin and he groaned and cursed. Your mind was racing, trying to find new ways to please him, finding none. You wondered if a little teeth could hurt… You let your teeth lightly graze his skin as you pulled your head up and he immediately responded with moaning your name loudly and you felt a rush of tingling excitement flow through your body.

You continued doing what you were doing, occasionally letting your teeth just graze his skin at which he gasped and moaned loudly. He was completely under your control, and you loved it. You were quickly becoming more aroused as the time passed and after a while you stretched a hand down to touch yourself and you moaned.

“D-darling…” Loki stuttered. You hummed around his shaft and he moaned again, completely lost under your touch.

“Y-you need to stop, love, if you- if you want more…” he continued and threw his head back with a loud moan when you hummed again, but you didn’t stop. You wanted to see him come undone underneath you, to see his pleasure when you as much as flicked your tongue…

You grazed his skin with your teeth and swirled your tongue around his tip, you hummed again and repeated it, and he moaned, whimpered and trembled as you did.

“D-darling… I’m going to—” Loki started but then moaned deeply as you hummed again with a smirk. You increased your actions and he groaned and clenched his fists around the sheets. He moaned your name again and his seed came spurting out into your mouth. Surprised, you stopped for a moment, but then continued bobbing your head on his shaft while his climax rode through him. You were rather unsure about what to do with the sticky and rather bitter liquid in your mouth.

Well, it was already in your mouth, why not swallow? You swallowed the thick liquid and licked your lips, then looked down at his shaft and noticed some white liquid running down his length. You licked it up and he half moaned, half whimpered. It tasted salty but bitter with a hint of sweet, it was rather hard to describe. The liquid was thicker than water but not much. While trying not to wrinkle your nose at his seed in your mouth, you looked up at him and made sure he met your eyes as you smirked and swallowed. He moaned and let his head fall back.

You laid down next to him and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“What happened?” he asked weakly. You chuckled and kissed him lightly, not knowing what to reply. You didn’t know what had happened either, you just… acted. Loki turned over on his side, facing you, and smiled.

“I love you so much,” he said and you felt the heat rise on your cheeks. With a small smile you replied:

“I love you too.”

He smirked and pulled you closer with one strong arm wrapped around your body, but you frowned as you remembered something.

“Loki?”

Loki frowned as well and bit his lip.

“What?”

“Do I need to eat those seeds after this?”

He smiled and shook his head.

“Not after this, darling.”

You smiled and kissed him.

“Good.” you replied and relaxed. The day had been long and tomorrow you were to say goodbye to Jele. He was returning to the village to live and work there. You chased the thoughts away, not wanting to be sad, and closed your eyes. Loki kissed your temple and pulled the covers over you before you heard him get up and get something in a drawer in his dresser. He sat down in an armchair and looked at whatever it was. He whispered small words every now and then, words you didn’t catch because fatigue got the better of you, but you heard him whisper your name every once in a while. You missed the feeling of his arms around you, but reassured by his words you drifted off to sleep rather soon.

You woke up to fingers on your cheek. You opened your eyes slowly and looked into Loki’s green ones.

“I’m sorry, darling, go back to sleep.” he whispered and smiled before pressing a kiss to your lips.

“Goodnight, Loki.” you whispered and closed your eyes. Loki pulled you into his embrace and, calmed by his heartbeat, you fell back asleep.


	27. Bathtub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems you should let Loki out a bit more often...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY!!!  
> It's been a shitty week and yesterday I wasn't up for anything but forgetting the entire week, and I actually forgot posting. I'm sorry;_;
> 
> Anyway, I just wanted to say something on how much I love you guys and the support you're giving me, I never thought anyone would like my story but apparently you do and it's given me such a chance to improve my writing. I've learned tons of things from this:D
> 
> Chapter 27, to your enjoyment:3

A loud groan woke you up and you turned your head to see Loki heaving himself up. Standing by the bed was Thor, talking quietly while his brother got dressed. You tried to turn your head back and creep deeper under the covers but Thor noticed you.

“I’m sorry for waking you,” he whispered. You raised your eyebrows and eyed his garments skeptically.

He was dressed up for riding and had a long sword in a scabbard hanging by his belt.

“Where are you going?” you asked, frowning. Loki muttered something about hunting and you groaned and rolled over to face them fully. Somewhere in your head a dim memory from the night before appeared, confirming that they had planned this trip.

“And why are you doing that in the middle of the night?” you asked and smiled while you watched Loki dress. He looked so good you could pull him back into bed and do unspeakable things right there if it wasn’t for Thor.

“The animals don’t wait for us to get up…” Thor explained with a smile and patted his brother’s back while he passed. Loki’s knees gave in and he fell to his knees in front of you. Thor laughed while Loki looked up at you, smiling sheepishly. You smirked and pulled him up so you could kiss him and then whispered:

“I will be waiting for you…”

He smiled and got up to follow his brother out and you rolled back into your original position, but somehow you couldn’t relax. After a while you gave up on trying to fall back asleep and quickly got up and dressed. Loki had climbed down the ladder in the wall and collected some garments for you to keep in his room so you wouldn’t have to call a servant every morning. You walked out, but you had no idea where to go. At last, you ended up in the library, comfortably curled up in a puffy armchair with an interesting book.

Time went by and after a while you realized you were incredibly hungry. You sighed and got up with the book in your hand, pondering where to go. It was really a shame that you depended so much on Loki you couldn’t even get yourself some proper breakfast. Before you had started being with Loki you had gotten breakfast to your room (you suspected Loki had sent it) and the servants came automatically with food to Loki’s quarters. You decided to go back to Loki’s room; after all, it was pretty much yours as well now. You hadn’t been in your room since the day Loki came back. You felt more at home in Loki’s room. You smiled when the thought made you warm.

Outside Loki’s door stood Saga with a tray loaded with food, hand raised to knock the door, and your stomach rumbled. You thanked her very much and was about to take the tray and go when you noticed something. Saga was frowning nervously and bit her lip when you took the tray.

“What’s wrong?” you asked. She swallowed and looked up at you, then down to the ground. A million thoughts of what could possibly have happened to Loki and Thor flooded your brain and bloody images of Loki dead ran by. You bit your lip and ignored the thoughts. Instead, you urged her on. She took a deep breath and looked up.

“I… The princess Aliyah told me to say to you that I saw her and Prince Loki kissing earlier,” she said quietly and looked down at her feet again. A lump of hot lead formed in your stomach and you tried not to cry at the thought of Loki leaving you.

“And… did you? Did you see them kissing?” you asked, surprised that your voice sounded so calm when you wanted to throw up.

“No, my lady, I didn’t, which is why I’m telling you this. The princess told me to lie to you, but I don’t want to lie to you, so I didn’t. I’m afraid that the princess will punish me for this but I know what the prince feels about you and he would never leave you for her. He hates her. I just wanted you to know.”

You swallowed and the lump in your stomach dissolved. You took a deep breath and made a mental note to get your revenge at Aliyah. The smell of breakfast was distracting… Saga left you alone with your overly large breakfast tray and you spent the next fifteen minutes slowly eating while pondering why Aliyah hated you so. Did she really want Loki that much? You jumped when somebody knocked the door.

“Come in”, you called and sat back, eyes on the door as it opened slowly. Jele poked his head in and looked around. A smile spread on his lips as he saw you and he carefully walked in, looking around in the dimly lit room. You realized there were clothes all over the floor and the bed wasn’t made.

“Excuse the mess…” you said quietly, but Jele shrugged and sat down next to you with a smile.

“How are you?” he asked and you smiled faintly.

“I’m fine”, you replied. “A little tired, but I’m fine. You?”

“Tired as well…”

He bit his lip and frowned. He was drumming with his fingers on the table and looked over your shoulder, obviously pondering something.

“What is it?” you asked. He looked at you and swallowed before he started talking, voice trembling.

“You know… you’re the only one I have left. Awah took care of me, and we’re great friends, but I have nothing. And…”

His voice cracked. You frowned and nodded to urge him on. He took a deep breath and continued.

“I know you hate her, but… The princess Aliyah has a place for me in her court, and it’s the only chance I have to make myself a living, so… I’m leaving with her. To Heidmar.”

You stared at him in shock. What did he just say? No…

“Are you serious?” you asked, still trying to grasp the fact that Jele was leaving, and he might never come back…

“Yes. I can work for her and I will have a place of my own to live in, so it will be good for me. I need to get away from… all this. Since the army came life hasn’t been the easiest, and I get a chance to start over with Aliyah, so I will go with her. And no, you can’t change it.”

You closed your mouth, which you had opened to protest, and looked past Jele into the wall. He was leaving… Jele was leaving. You didn’t know what to say. He was leaving you…

“Are you alright?” Jele asked, concern in his voice. You nodded absently.

“When are you leaving?” you asked and bit your lip. Please, not too soon…

“In a couple of hours… I came to say goodbye.”

Your heart sank. Alright, a couple of hours…

“Goodbye, then”, you said, frowning at your cold tone. Jele leaned forward to press a kiss to your cheek and whispered, “Farewell.”

He stood with a crooked smile and walked to the door, but stopped before he left.

“Take care of yourself,” he said. You looked up and nodded and he turned and walked out, the door swinging shut behind him.

You barely had time to drag yourself over to an armchair and collapse in it before you heard an angry shout from outside. You hurried over to the door just to hear Loki’s upset voice saying, “You better have not.”

The door swung open and there was Loki, whose angry expression faded to a softer one when he saw you. He pulled you into his embrace and kissed you lightly. His face was dirty and his clothes splattered with mud, but he looked happy to see you. A rather bitter smell of mud found your nose and you frowned.

“I thought you went hunting…” you commented and Loki grinned.

“Thor tripped me into a puddle of mud.”

“And why are you happy about that?” you asked, already suspecting the answer.

“I got the chance to lure him into a swamp. He smells horrible.”

You rolled your eyes but smiled.

“Go get yourself clean,” you said but he just smirked. You raised an eyebrow and then let out a little shriek as he lifted you into his embrace and carried you over to the bed, on which he laid you down. Following you, he hovered over you and laid a gentle kiss on your lips. You whimpered when his hand found your breast and pushed him away. He broke the kiss to look into your eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

You smiled.

“You do realize that you don’t smell very pleasant, do you?”

He rolled his eyes.

“Then bathe with me,” he requested. You smirked and nodded and soon your were both sinking down into hot water. You let out a soft moan and laid your head back against the edge of the tub, smiling a little at the tickling feeling of the water hitting your neck as it rippled from Loki’s movements. He sighed and closed his eyes and you took the opportunity to let your eyes feast on his body, from his toned torso to his strong arms and slender fingers, which you loved feeling on your skin. You let your eyes wander downwards and blushed slightly as you noticed he was aroused, probably from the sight of you undressing. Well, surprise… His body made you just as aroused as yours made him. You watched his chest rising and falling as he breathed and then your gaze traveled downwards once again. It was quite arousing, especially when you imagined what you could do to him, the pleasure you could give him just by touching him, the sounds you could elicit from him…

The smell of lavender from the oil Loki always added when you bathed filled you up. That was your smell…yours and Loki’s. You closed your eyes and tried to push the arousing thoughts away, but soon you were back to imagining his fingers on your skin, his hot breath against your neck, his lips on yours… A small moan made you open your eyes and look at Loki. A jolt of arousal hit you at the sight; he had leaned his head back, his lips were parted and eyes closed as he let out another moan. Gazing down, you realized he had his shaft in a tight grip and he was slowly pumping his hand up and down. You stared at him, uncertain if you should say something. His moans made arousal rush through your core and the pure sight of his naked body, his face as he pleasured himself, made you want him so bad. He moaned again and you whimpered in arousal, realizing your mistake when he opened his eyes and quickly let go of his shaft, blushing slightly. He bit his lip and looked at you, his gaze travelling all over your body. You closed your eyes and leaned your head back with a sigh. Watching him had been so enjoyable…

The water rippled and the light dimmed. You opened your eyes to find Loki’s face mere inches from yours and flinched at the surprise, but moaned as he pressed his lips against yours. Your hand automatically roamed his body until it found his shaft and gripped it. He moaned into the kiss and you smirked and started to slowly pump your hand up and down, eliciting another moan. He sounded so good… Caressing your sides, he trailed soft kisses down your neck, moaning occasionally while you pleasured him. He started scrubbing you clean with washing oil, his hands gliding smoothly over your skin. He cupped your breasts quickly before moving down your stomach and abdomen, caressed your thighs and calves, moved up to press you closer with his hands on your butt and then gently rubbed your back, trailing kisses down your neck. You sighed happily as he stopped and kissed you softly.

_‘I live for these moments,’_ you thought with a small smile as he embraced you, still half lying in the water, and whispered:

“I love you.”

You smiled, knowing you loved him back and could say it because it was true. It simply was… You loved him.

“I love you too”, you said and started rubbing washing oil into his back. You moved over his butt to his muscular thighs, feeling every inch of muscle tense as your hands moved over them. You scrubbed his legs clean before moving to his torso, tracing the lines of his muscle as you caressed his skin. Next were his arms, also full of muscle, arms you loved having around you, and hands you loved feeling on your skin. You were now hovering over him, sitting on his abdomen with a smile. You reached down and kissed him softly, caressing his sides as you did. He placed his hands on your hips and rolled his hips against yours, his shaft teasing your entrance. You hesitated, could one really do this in the bath? He moaned and bucked his hips, successfully pushing his shaft into you. You whimpered at the slight pain but moved your hips to let him sink in fully. You leaned down and kissed him again, moving your hips a little and eliciting a moan from him. Nibbling his lower lip, you whimpered and lifted your hips to sink down again, moaning at the pleasure. He caressed your tongue with his and moaned your name as you lifted your hips again. Caressing his sides, you smirked when he moaned again and let yourself sink down around his shaft again, your walls clenching around his length.

“By the gods…” Loki moaned and bucked his hips, thrusting his shaft into you, and you whimpered as he hit your sweet spot. He smirked and did it again and a loud moan escaped your lips. He continued bucking his hips every now and then but let you ride him at your choice of pace. You leaned in to kiss him again and trail your tongue along his lower lip. With a soft moan he let you in and you let your tongue dance with his. He removed one hand from your waist and rubbed your clit gently with his thumb, sending jolts of pleasure through your core. You whimpered as he bucked his hips and increased the pace of his thumb. You felt your climax build and started rocking your hips, moaning at the pleasure, while he swirled his thumb faster. He bucked his hips and threw his head back, a loud moan escaping his lips as he continued rocking his hips. He whispered something about coming and you moaned his name as your climax rolled in, leaving you trembling on top of him as your muscles contracted and waves of pleasure rocked your body. He continued touching you, making you whimper his name, until you felt his seed spurting out inside of you. He moaned your name and bucked his hips one last time before relaxing and putting his arms around you to pull you into a deep kiss.

“I love you so much,” he whispered against your lips and you smiled.

“I love you too,” you said and rested your body on top of his, holding him as tightly as he held you, and in that moment nothing could make you happier than being there with him, the man you loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I always proofread my chapters three or four times but I skipped the last time today. Therefore I want to apologise for any mistakes I didn't see xD Thanks, people, for reading...


	28. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you only knew...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for posting this late, I had a rough week and yesterday I couldn't bring myself to start my computer...  
> Anyway, this chapter is the start of the big thing, the plot twist, the "I-hate-this-writer-but-I-gotta-read-more"- part...
> 
> And yes, you're going to hate me, at least if you love the story so far xD
> 
> Huge thanks for all the kudos and comments and to Kayla who made my week by sending me the most wonderful text message on Kik<3
> 
> (Little warning: seeeex)

You looked up when you heard footsteps and saw Loki walking towards you, a smile playing on his thin lips. Smiling back, you closed the book and got up from the armchair in front of the fire to greet him with a hug. He smirked and kissed you lightly, “What do you want to do?”

You shrugged. The last days had been rather calm, but Loki had kept you entertained with various activities. Now you were enjoying a good book and some time alone, but apparently Loki had other plans.

“I don’t know,” you said and wriggled out of his embrace. He frowned.

“Is something wrong?” he asked. You shrugged, a small lump of guilt forming in the pit of your stomach. He looked sincerely hurt and you realized it was because you didn’t want to be in his arms today.

“I just need some time alone, I think.” you confessed and glanced at the book. Deep inside, you knew you yearned to get out of the palace, get some fresh air and time for yourself. Everything you did nowadays had something to do with Loki, and you loved him but it had become too much.

“I’ll be back by dusk,” you said after glancing out through the window. A few hours would hopefully be enough… You were already wearing trousers and a shirt since you and Loki had gone riding earlier, so you only pulled on a warmer coat before kissing Loki goodbye and leaving him standing in the middle of the room. Feeling his gaze burn into your neck, you opened the door and walked out.

The lump in your stomach only grew when you reached the stables and begged a servant to prepare a horse for you. A few minutes later, you were galloping over the hill towards the beach. Skidding to a halt, you slid off the horse and patted its neck before crouching by the water. It was calm today, but small waves still rolled in towards you and licked the toes of your boots gently before falling back. The salty smell of sea filled you and you closed your eyes for a moment to savor the peace and calm. Then you got an idea…

It was trespassing, of course, and wrong in every way, but… You doubted Loki would be mad, and it was Loki’s cabin, wasn’t it? And you were just going to peek in…wasn’t the door unlocked last time? And didn’t Loki leave it unlocked? The lump turned into butterflies fluttering around in your stomach as you walked back to the horse and swung yourself up into the saddle. Steering the horse up the hills, you smiled in excitement.

When you reached the cabin, your cheeks were flushed with cold and your fingers stiff. You jumped off your horse and felt the door. It was open. Smiling, you pushed it open and stepped in. The cabin was comfortingly warm after the cold of the wind by the cliffs, and a stale smell filled your nostrils when you took a deep breath. You wondered if your horse would run away but doubted it, since the horses of the palace stables were incredibly well trained. You and Loki always left the horses standing and they never moved. You sat down on one of the beds and hugged yourself to regain some warmth while remembering the last time you were here. You had been so afraid of Loki, and now you shared his bed every night, craved his presence whenever he was gone.

You shook your head. You went here to get time without Loki, and here you were thinking of him. He was stuck in your head. You laid down on the bed and realized it was much more comfortable than it looked. Closing your eyes, you tried to imagine what life was like just a few months ago, before Loki.

You would’ve woken up in your own bed, smiled and looked out through the window to see the busy streets of your village. Perhaps a few children were playing while shopkeepers ushered stray dogs from their doors. Before you moved your sister would have come running in, shouting about playing with her friends, and you would surely have gone with her and Jele would’ve found you under a tree, playing hide-and-seek. You would have smiled and gone with Jele while the children smirked and whispered about all the things you and Jele were not going to do, for hours later your mother would walk in on you and Jele in the bookstore, noses buried in new volumes that the shopkeeper let you read. You would’ve gone home and cooked, served the food just as your stepfather walked in through the door after a day of hard work. He would have kissed your mother, then ruffled your sister’s hair and patted your shoulder before sitting down and tasting your cooking, which he always praised. Then, you would’ve gone to bed and buried your nose in the book you brought from the store, and every time your mother checked on you, you would pretend to sleep.

You smiled and let a tear run down your cheek. You missed the simple life, missed your sister and mother incredibly much, and even though you now knew your stepfather didn’t care that much about you, you still loved him. If you concentrated, you could still hear his voice. More tears followed the first as you remembered your sister’s voice and your mother’s sweet hum as she kissed you goodnight. You clenched your fist as you heard Jele’s voice whisper farewell.

“Darling? Are you alright?”

You jolted up and opened your eyes. Loki was standing in the door, looking at you with concern. You frowned and he quickly continued:

“The sun set half an hour ago. I worried.”

You took a deep breath and nodded.

“I’m alright,” you said slowly. Loki hesitated by the door, but came to sit next to you. Putting his arms around you, he kissed your temple.

“How are you, love? Why did you come here?”

You sighed.

“I just… needed some time alone. It’s been so much, and I’m barely ever out of the castle, so I thought I’d go to the beach and then I ended up here.”

Loki smiled and held you close for a moment.

“I love you so incredibly much…”

You hummed and kissed him lightly before whispering, “I love you too.”

 He pulled you closer and you slid your hand into his hair. Suddenly, he sneaked his hand in under your shirt and fondled your side, and his touch sent a jolt of arousal through your body. You climbed to his lap and fondled his abdomen under his shirt, shivering when he moaned into the kiss and sent waves of arousal through your core. Caressing your sides, he started trailing kisses down your neck, and you thanked the gods you weren’t wearing a complicated dress as usual because you wanted him, now. You moaned and slid your hand into his trousers to feel his throbbing length. Throwing his head back, he moaned and closed his eyes. You pulled his shirt off and started rubbing his shaft, a smirk creeping onto your lips as he moaned your name. He laid down and pulled you with him. Taking your shirt off, he caressed your sides while you rolled your hips and yanked your trousers off. He ripped your undergarments off with a grunt and rolled you over on the small bed with a smirk. Trailing kisses down your neck, he nibbled your tender skin and you wrapped your legs around his body to pull him closer. He positioned himself by your entrance and leaned down to kiss you while pushing himself inside of you with a groan.

You moaned and clenched your fists as the tingling pain filled you up before he pulled out and brushed past your nerves, which sent jolts of want through your body. Pleasure rolled over you like a wave when he pushed in again and hit your sweet spot. He moaned and kissed you hungrily while thrusting into you slowly, so slowly, and it was amazing. His shaft pressed at every single nerve you had and made waves of pleasure roll through your body, and his body was fully pressed against yours, chest to chest, hips to hips, and his lips were so tender on yours…

He moaned and increased the speed of his thrusts. Trailing kisses down your neck, he fondled your hip gently and you realized the small bed you were lying on was creaking and shaking with your movements. A smirk crept onto your lips and you bucked your hips up against Loki’s, eliciting a loud groan from the man. He eased a hand in between your bodies and found your clit. You moaned his name when he started rubbing slow circles on it, which sent jolts of pleasure through your body, and you almost immediately felt your climax building. Overwhelmed by need and pleasure, you bucked your hips up against his and he moaned before giving a hard thrust that despite hurting sent a huge jolt of pleasure through your body. You rushed over the edge into your climax and heard Loki moan your name as your walls clenched around his long shaft. You dug your nails into his shoulders and moaned his name, whimpered it, whispered it. You saw stars when he brushed his thumb over your clit, when you felt his length hit your sweet spot again and again… He gave another hard thrust and moaned your name as he spilled his seed inside of you while waves of pleasure rolled over you again and again with every thrust he made. At last, he slowed down, gentle movements replacing the frantic ones, and you became aware of his body again, the way his skin felt against yours, the way his hands moved on your sides…

You pulled him down to kiss him gently and he laid his body down over yours, his shaft still throbbing inside of you and sending little jolts of pleasure through your body when it did. He hummed into the kiss and pulled his shaft out of you with a little moan before rolling off you onto the small bed. He reached across the small space between the beds and pulled the blankets over to your bed. Before covering your bodies with the thin blanket he pulled you close and whispered;

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” you replied and reached up to kiss him before resting your head on his shoulder and laying still in his arms, the only sounds heard being the rush of the waves below the cliffs outside and the wind howling as it blew past the little cabin. A million thoughts and questions racing around in your head made it impossible to find sleep, but you didn’t want to wake Loki in case he already drifted off. You bit your lip.

“Loki?”

He hummed in response and you continued:

“What is this cabin?”

He slowly let out a breath before talking and you wondered whether it pained him to think of it.

“It’s a place where I go when I… when I need some time alone, to think…to get some privacy. There isn’t much of that in a huge palace with servants running about and duties to be tended to… Sometimes I just need to be alone.”

You hummed and went on to your next question, which you hoped wouldn’t make him mad. He had hid the paper from you when you tried to look, so you had tried to forget it, but curiosity got the upper hand.

“And… that paper you were reading from last time we were here… What was that?”

Loki sighed and kissed your head.

“You wonder a lot…”

You bit your lip again.

“I’m sorry, I’m just curious, you don’t need to tell me,” you quickly said, but the damage was already done. Loki swung the covers off you and crawled out of bed to walk over to the corner where he’d left the crumpled paper. He smoothed it out and handed it to you, but didn’t return to bed. A lump formed in your stomach and you sat up to read the text in the dim moonlight shining in through the window.

**Hello, Loki, I hope you’re doing well. I’ve been roaming the land, as I told you, and I must say it is interesting. Your women are far more disobedient than ours, which is a shame since I always take what I want, and your animals are stronger. Your men work harder, and your land is far more beautiful. I can understand that you wanted to return here, but for a woman? You could have any girl you want from Heidmar and yet you chase the unknowing daughter of a war that shouldn’t have been fought. I’ve kept an eye on her as you asked and she is indeed beautiful and intelligent, just like you said, and I’ve wanted to do unspeakable things to her rather long, but since she belongs to you…**

**Point is, with the women being so independent, how are you expecting to win her? She’s been raised with horrible stories of what you do, even that gruesome incident when you were but a child… And you expect to win her heart? How? You would have to force her to be yours, like with the others, and how do you expect her to love you if you’re forcing yourself onto her?**

**I want you to think this over once again, Loki, for your own good. She cannot possibly love you.**

**Best regards, Ikal of Heidmar**

The more you read, the bigger your frown grew, until you read the letter again and realized this Ikal was talking about you. You looked up, but Loki had sat down on the other bed, head in his hands.

“Loki…”

He ignored you. You sighed and laid the letter on the bedside table.

“I love you,” you said quietly and he hummed but didn’t look up. Frustrated and sad, you laid back down in bed. Perhaps if you fell asleep he would join you again…if you only knew how long it would be until you shared a bed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you only knew... ;)


	29. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If only Thor came earlier...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! I'm terribly sorry for not updating!  
> I've spent the weekend at a huge floorball tournament (don't ask, we went out in the quarter finals) and I couldn't update, I'm so sorry!
> 
> Anyway, this chapter... Brr....
> 
> Thank you, as always, for your kudos, reads and comments, I love you loads :D

A loud shout in the distance made you jolt up with a gasp. Looking around, you noticed Loki was nowhere to be seen, and a lump of fear formed in your stomach. You hurried up and pulled your shirt over your head, ignoring the underwear spread across the floor which told the story of last night. As your trousers were halfway up your legs, another shout cut through the otherwise silent morning, and your heart jumped when you realized it was Loki who was screaming. Bloody images of Loki being brutally murdered by faceless strangers flashed by and you whimpered as you hurried out the door. Your horse was gone…

You threw the door open and turned your head to your right, towards the castle, only to meet a sight like taken from your worst nightmare. Loki was on the ground, wearing only a pair of trousers, blood covering his torso. You froze, paralyzed with fear. Two men stood bent over him, their faces covered by hoods, and another one was holding three black horses by the reins. Loki screamed again, screamed for help, and you flinched and took a step towards them but then one of the men aimed a kick at Loki’s stomach and his scream was cut off. Your heart jolted and you froze again. They hadn’t seen you… You couldn’t fight three grown men on your own and getting help was impossible without alarming the men, who were now dragging Loki’s lifeless body onto one of the horses before swinging up into the saddles and taking off. You stood staring after them dumbly, blinking every once in a while.

You stood there for minutes, perhaps hours, not noticing the tears running down your cheeks or the hunger gnawing at your stomach, not feeling the cold numbing your fingers and bare toes, not knowing that a pair of eyes was on you during all those hours.

Loki was gone. Dead, perhaps, or at least fatally injured. The blood… the picture had been so horrible, just like the ones in your nightmares, the ones where Loki was whimpering with pain, begging you to help him while you couldn’t, and just like in your nightmares Loki was now gone, gone because you didn’t help him, couldn’t help him.

You sobbed and fell to your knees. Loki had kept those dreams away, and now Loki was gone… And the feeling of him, the way he made your chest swell with happiness and love, the way he made you smile, it filled you up and made you cry even more. Was there a life without Loki? You didn’t know it. You couldn’t simply not wake up in his arms, couldn’t not fall asleep to his “goodnight, love”, couldn’t live without him… And suddenly you became aware that you were shivering with cold, your stomach was churning in lack of work, and your legs couldn’t carry you when you tried to rise. The chilly winds of the cliff were tugging at your thin clothes…

Warm and strong arms were wrapped around you just as you collapsed and you let yourself drift out of consciousness as you were lifted into a warm embrace. Just as you met Thor’s piercing blue eyes everything went black.

You groaned and stirred, which resulted in you almost falling off the bed. Large hands pushed you back onto the bed, a gentle but hurried move, and you groaned again. A low hum made you realize there weremore than one person in the room. You opened your eyes and flinched. The bed you were laying on, which was Loki’s, was surrounded by people. Thor was the one who had saved you from falling off the bed, he was kneeling next to it. Standing next to him, eyeing you searchingly, was Eir, and next to her a servant carrying a tray of tools belonging to Eir. By the foot of the bed were the king and queen, and on the other side were Saga and two servants you didn’t know. You frowned, what were all those people doing here? And where was Loki? You turned in the bed but he was nowhere to be seen. When you parted your lips to speak it was a low, raspy tone, and instead of asking for Loki as intended you only managed to cough up the word “thirsty”. Saga hurried towards you with a glass of water but Eir stopped her.

“She’s in shock. Water won’t help her.”

You frowned and looked at Eir.

“But I’m thirsty,” you protested, but the healer only shook her head. She sat on the bed and felt your forehead before making a note on a paper she had stuck to a thin wooden board. Next, she checked your eyes and reflexes before asking how you felt. You bit your lip and asked yourself, how do I feel?

_‘Like sh-‘_

_‘Hello! Decent replies?’_ you asked your mind. You couldn’t tell Eir that, especially not in the company of the very king and queen of Asgard. You frowned and searched below the surface to find out how you really felt. It was like diving into a cold lake. Loki was gone. You frowned as you remembered why. He’d been abducted…killed, you’d guess, but why? Your stomach revolted and you were unsure whether Eir should be sitting there in case you threw up.

“I’m not very well,” you started slowly. You felt horrible, heart aching, head swimming… A few tears rolled down your cheeks as the full meaning of earlier events hit you. Loki was dead. No more waking up in his reassuring embrace, no raspy “good morning”, no glimmering green eyes in the dark, no cool fingers on your skin… You let out a quiet sob.

“What is it, darling?” asked Eir. You looked up at her. Had she just called you “darling”? You shook your head and sobbed again. Eir urged you to tell her what was wrong, but then added another question, one which sent a jolt of pain and fear through your heart.

“Where’s Loki?” she asked, and you broke down, you cried, and Eir pulled you up into her embrace to comfort you as you cried. You cried for minutes, violently, into her shoulder, wetting her gown, and all she did was hold you and whisper soothing words in your ears, words that meant nothing to you but still helped, words like “it’ll be alright” and “it’s fine”, and at last you managed to stop crying for long enough to sob the word “gone” but then the crying started again. By the time you had stopped crying and finally looked up, the king had left and so had the two servants next to Saga. Frigga seemed to notice your curious expression because she softly explained,

“The king has duties to attend to, and he has already left the throne for too long today. He will return to talk to you later.”

You nodded faintly and looked back at Eir, and suddenly the thick feeling of vomiting filled you. You put a hand over your mouth and tried keeping it in, but Eir just waved her hand for her servant and suddenly she was holding a bucket under your jaw. Losing control, you removed your hand just in time before yesterday’s meals escaped your stomach. You coughed a little and threw up again, wondering if it would ever stop, and the disgusting smell of puke filled your nostrils and got stuck in your mouth. You wrinkled your nose and Eir commanded water to be brought to you. Saga handed her the glass and she brought it to your lips. You drank gratefully, allowing the water to wash the sour taste of vomit out. When the glass was empty you hummed, silently begging for more, but Eir shook her head.

“You’re still not well,” she explained and you groaned and tried to fall back onto the pillows, but Thor had built a backrest of pillows for you. You crawled backwards and leaned towards the pillows with a grateful look at Thor, who smiled faintly in return.

“What happened, my lady?” he asked and you frowned. The memory of his warm embrace came back to you, his eyes before you passed out…

“Loki…” you said quietly and another tear ran down your cheek and dripped into the bucket in your lap. Eir ordered her servant to get it and it was replaced with a clean one.

“Where is Loki?” asked Frigga and crawled onto the bed next to you in a manner very unfitting for a queen. She borrowed a bit of your pillows and took your hand between hers. “Tell me.”

You swallowed and looked down, not knowing what to do. After all, she was the queen, but she was treating you like a mother. She kissed your temple and you swallowed again.

“Did he hurt you?” asked Thor and you frowned. Loki would never hurt you…

“He would never hurt me,” you said and everything came at once. “We were…” did they know about the cabin? You decided to play the safe card. “…out. We were out, and he disappeared for a moment, and when I turned back he was being attacked, and they hurt him… They hurt him bad, he was bleeding, and then… I don’t know if he’s alive,” you sobbed and heard five gasps. “He was screaming, and they kicked him, and he stopped… He didn’t move, and they had to- had to carry him away, they dragged him onto a horse and- and rode away…”

You were crying again, this time against Frigga’s shoulder, and she was shaking a little as if crying herself. Eir spoke with an unsteady voice.

“Where did they take him?”

“I don’t kn-know”, you sobbed and Frigga put her arms around you. She bent her neck and asked you quietly:

“Who were they?”

You swallowed the tears and drew breath.

“I- I don’t know”, you replied and met her eyes. They were shiny with the few tears she’d shed, and suddenly it hit you that she wasn’t young. This was the first time you’d seen her up close, and for the first time you noticed her wrinkles, her old gray eyes, the way she actually spoke like an old and wise woman. You wondered why she suddenly was acting like your mother when she hated you.

“What did they look like?” asked Thor lowly. You turned your head and noticed also he was crying. And Loki thought nobody loved him… This was evidence enough, if only Loki was here to see. But he wasn’t, and they were crying because of that. You hugged the little bucket in your lap while talking.

“They wore black hoods…” you started slowly, trying to remember what the men had looked like. The picture of Loki, bleeding, screaming for help, screaming your name, was glued to the inside of your eyelids and every time you blinked you saw it, heard his scream… The queen nudged you gently and you continued.

“They were men, I think, for they were tall and big, built like woodcutters. They had large horses as well, black horses… and they had swords, but they didn’t look like warriors, as I said they looked like workers. Woodcutters.”

You frowned. This land didn’t have many forests… and the men of Asgard weren’t as tall as those men. Thor cleared his throat but Frigga held a hand up and the room fell silent for the first time since you woke up. Frigga’s arms were still around you and Eir was still sitting next to you on the bed. Thor stood and stretched his legs.

“I only saw three horses disappear over a hill, mother. I was far too concerned about our lady’s health. Had I not intervened… “

His voice faded as Frigga nodded and told him to go help his father but he shook his head and refused to leave your side. You frowned a little as you remembered what Loki had said about him…

_“My brother is in love with you, and he doesn’t like that you’re mine. He’s always been superior to me, he’s used to it. He wants you but he can’t have you and it bothers him…”_

You swallowed. As long as they didn’t leave him alone with you… But that’s just what they did. After giving instructions to him about what he should do if your state worsened, Frigga and Eir left. Luckily, Saga stayed with you. You smiled to her and patted the bed next to you to gesture for her to sit with you. She bit her lip and hesitated with a glance at Thor, who smiled and nodded. Saga climbed into the bed and smiled faintly at you when you offered her to rest against your pillows. Thor pulled an armchair up to the bed and sat in it with his elbows on his knees, slightly leaned forward.

“Where were you?” he asked and you gulped.

“I…” you began but had no idea what to say. Thor urged you on and you decided to tell the truth.

“There is a small cabin on a cliff, and we were there over the night, and in the morning I woke up to his screaming…” you said quietly, cheeks flushed red.

“I know about the cabin. We all do. But do you?”

You frowned. Of course you knew, you’d been there! You nodded but Thor shook his head slowly.

“You don’t know what that cabin is. That place is a prison, a place where Loki goes when he gets out of hand, where he takes the ladies to teach them that they belong to him… Nobody knows about that little detail, though. He’s a master of lies… Still, that is not just a cabin.”

You blinked dumbly and a horrifying image of Loki forcing himself onto you flashed by before everything went black again.


	30. Lies and excuses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The questions about Loki are gradually answered... and new are asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY  
> I was at a party tomorrow (yes it was fun xD) and honestly, me is lazy...  
> tomorrow?  
> yesterday* xD  
> I'm so tired
> 
> okay, almost easter:3 I'm on holidays and hoping to write a little, I'll hopefully be updating next friday (I'm going abroad) otherwise it'll come saturday night or sunday:3
> 
> THANK YOU for almost 400 kudos O.o  
> this is amazing  
> I love you guys<3

Loki groaned and opened his eyes. A sweet smell of something was hovering around him… It made him feel sick. He was staring into a ceiling, and in the corner of his eye he caught a whip of blonde hair…

“Oh, darling, you’re awake.” a familiar voice cooed and he groaned. No… He turned his head and saw Aliyah sitting next to him on the bed, her bed. He recognized the room as he looked around. He’d been here so many times while he and Aliyah had been together. He frowned when he thought of those times.

“How are you, sweetheart?” asked the princess and reached out to touch him but he jolted away. Scrambling off the bed, he collapsed on the floor next to it. His leg felt… He didn’t feel it. He looked down and noticed that he wasn’t wearing anything but bandages, wired around his leg and torso. He looked up at Aliyah, suddenly feeling sick, and when he saw where her eyes were he turned away and threw up on the floor. She gasped and crawled over to his side of the bed to lay her hand on his shoulder but he jerked away and looked up at her, breathing heavily. She frowned and bit her lip.

“Are you alright, darling?” she asked and he shook his head. He looked around for anything to wear. Luckily, the princess wasn’t undressed. She was wearing a striking blue gown, his old favorite, he noticed, and the thought just made him feel sick. Aliyah ordered a servant to bring him clothes and clean after him and he reluctantly let her pull him back into bed but stayed at a distance while covering his crotch with his hand.

“Talk to me, sweetheart,” the princess begged and he turned to look at her with disgust in his eyes.

“I’m not alright,” he spat. “What am I doing here?”

She smirked and came closer and he flinched. A servant swung the door open and walked in, carrying a bucket and mop and a sack. He threw the sack onto the bed in front of them and started cleaning the vomit up. Loki opened the sack to find it filled with clothes. He pulled a blue tunic out and eyed it. There were only blue tunics, matching Aliyah’s gowns. Nothing green or gold or even black. He sighed and pulled the shirt on before pulling up a pair of brown trousers and a belt. They were made of the sticky material Heimdar’s inhabitants used… After pulling them on and scratching his thigh because of the rough material he looked at her again.

“Where am I?” he asked and she smiled.

“Where you belong, with me.”

He frowned. He didn’t belong here… He belonged with his lady. In Asgard.

“I want to go home…” he mumbled and Aliyah chuckled a little before slipping her hand under his cheek and lifting it so that their faces were inches from each other, too close… He frowned but she held his cheek painfully hard so he couldn’t pull away.

“You are home, Loki. Your home is with me,” she said before pressing her lips to his. He frowned and jolted away. Her sweet taste lingered on his lips. He didn’t want it, didn’t like it…

“My home is in Asgard…with my lady,” he muttered and wiped his lips with the back of his hand.

“You are with your lady, Loki. I am your lady, your only one. Don’t you remember?”

He groaned. All those meaningless things he’d said to her…

“I never meant any of that, Aliyah, you know we were young and stupid. We barely knew love.”

She looked away, obviously crying.

“Very well then,” she said, voice thick with tears, and got up from the bed. She walked over to the door and stopped but didn’t turn around. “It seems we will have to work on your honesty.”

She walked out with the servant and the lock clicked. Loki sighed and looked around. The room was smaller than his and smelled of Aliyah’s sweet perfume which was so sickeningly disgusting. It was dimly lit, with a few armchairs standing in one corner pointing at a huge fireplace and wooden bookshelves lining a wall. The wooden floor was warm under his feet as he got up and walked over to the one small window. If he curled up he would fit in the frame… He sat in the window, hugging his knees, and looked out over the forests and lakes of Heidmar. He missed his lady… What was he doing here? He’d woken up in a cold bed, naked, shivering with cold and pain as he saw the dried tears on his lady’s cheeks. He’d been stupid and hurt her.

He’d pulled a pair of trousers on and ventured out to get a little fresh air when he’d been attacked from behind by cloaked men…built like woodcutters. Men of Heidmar, tall and muscled. Asgardian men were shorter, Loki was an interesting exception being a head taller than his father and a few inches taller than his older brother. He remembered wondering whether they really were his family when he was younger… With a sigh, he lifted his gaze to the dark night sky, splattered with stars, and thought of the nights he’d spent with his lady, that one night when he’d been standing with her on the balcony, gazed up at the stars and realized how happy he was with her. She was everything to him, and now she was gone. Did she know? Had his screams perhaps woken her? The last thing he remembered before everything went black was screaming her name…

He realized he was crying and quickly wiped the tears on his blue tunic. If anything, it could wipe his tears. He hated the blue color, hated the sickening smell in this room, hated Aliyah’s smirk when she looked at him…they had been together, but that was years ago, when they were young and foolish. The memories they had were disgusting to him. He had never truly loved her, and perhaps telling her he did was wrong but what could he do when she loved him so? He regretted ever leaving the cabin that morning…

The door creaked and he turned his head. Aliyah was back…

“It’s late, darling, time to sleep,” she said sweetly and walked over to him. He looked away when he realized she was going to kiss him and instead her soft lips found his cheek. She hummed in disappointment but he ignored it and let his eyes roam the dark forest.

“Come to bed with me,” Aliyah said and slid her arms around his body. He groaned and pried her hands off, but she wouldn’t give up, so he sighed and jumped down from the window, walked over to the bed and threw himself onto it. He rolled onto his left side, turned away from her, and she clicked her tongue.

“You cannot sleep with clothes on, darling.” she said and slid her hand in under his shirt. He shivered and edged away. Her touch felt so different from his lady’s sweet caress… He groaned when she continued and sat up, ripped his shirt off and managed to tear it apart with a small smirk before laying down again in the same way. She sighed and he heard the rustle of clothes as she undressed herself and laid next to him.

“Loki…” she said quietly after blowing the candle on the bedside table out. “Will you hold me when I fall asleep?”

Just like old times… He ignored her and lulled himself to sleep by imagining his lady in his arms, that it wasn’t thin air he was hugging, but her, and he managed to drift off…

He jolted awake and managed to elbow Aliyah in the shoulder. She squeaked and rubbed her shoulder.

“What are you doing?” he asked her accusingly and she glared at him.

“I’m sleeping next to my man, as any woman would!”

He rolled his eyes and edged away from her. She was naked… He should’ve known. She didn’t try to come closer again but laid close enough for him to feel her body heat against his cool skin. After a while he heard her breathing steady as she fell asleep, but he didn’t sleep that night.

In the morning he rose with the dawn and sneaked into the bathroom to wash himself and then he got new clothes, still a blue tunic and light brown trousers, and found a pair of boots belonging to him by the door. He pulled them on and tried the door, but of course it was locked, so he sat down in one of the armchairs. He hadn’t sat for long when there was a gentle knock on the door and the lock clicked. Loki pondered whether he should try and run, but he wouldn’t get far. If Aliyah was keeping him locked up there were surely guards outside. An old servant walked in and set a tray of food on the table in front of him before leaving again and locking the door. Loki sighed and picked up a piece of dried meat. Heidmarian food…not his favorite. His favorite meals were the ones he shared with his lady…he didn’t want to eat this. He dropped the meat back onto the plate.

Aliyah hummed and stirred in the bed behind him and he quickly pretended to be asleep. He heard her pull a dress on and then her steps as she walked around his armchair to find him “sleeping”. Suddenly, the lights dimmed and he felt her soft lips against his again. He frowned and pushed her away.

“I could have you punished for treating a princess like this,” she said and smoothened her dress before sitting down on the armrest next to him. She threw her arms around him and kissed his cheek and he wrinkled his nose in disgust. After the night, he’d gotten used to the sweet smell, but her presence was enough to make him want to run.

“Will you at least look at me?” she asked and he turned his head reluctantly to look into her eyes and ask:

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because I know you love me, deep down, and we’re meant for each other”, she said and reached to the tray to pick a grape and bring it to his lips. He pressed them together, refusing to take her food, and she sighed.

“You will have to eat, darling. Did you sleep well tonight? You look tired, do you want to take a nap?”

He ignored her and she ate the grape herself, seemingly pondering something. He didn’t spare her a glance; instead, he kept his mind on his lady, on her smell, her feel, her voice… He could hear her in his head, how hurt she sounded when she looked up from the paper and told him she loved him. He sighed and moved his gaze to the crackling fire on the other side of the rough wooden table. He had seen the servant tend to it during the night. He’d found out some useful information as well, since the servant spoke to himself. From the soft whispers he’d found out that Jele worked in the stables and that he wrote to someone every other night. It would have to be his lady, right? The fact that he did it “every other night” led Loki to wonder for how long he’d been there.

“For how long have I been here?” asked Loki and the princess jumped as his voice broke the silence.

“A few days, my dear.” she replied and offered him a goblet of wine. Just some plain tea would be fine, but they didn’t drink that in Heidmar…it was wine and ale, all day and all night. Their wine was incredibly mild, meaning they could drink a lot of it, and so they did. He turned his head away from the goblet and she sighed and drank herself before telling him:

“I wouldn’t poison your food, you know. I’m not the one who uses such tricks.”

He snorted. If he’d been asleep for days on a row he’d most definitely been poisoned. Nevertheless, he didn’t mention it. A mad Aliyah was a violent one and he didn’t want any unnecessary pain. Speaking of pain, he felt it. His left leg was throbbing with pain and his abdomen was aching, but it was nothing compared to the pain his heart felt at being away from his love. He sighed and pondered his options. He couldn’t run, he couldn’t even walk straight, and he was a little dizzy from all the painkillers they’d fed him while he was asleep (he figured that was the reason he couldn’t feel his leg when he woke up), plus he didn’t know this castle too well. Assuming that he’d make it to the stables, a very daring assumption, and convinced Jele to give him a horse, he wouldn’t be able to ride for too long and he didn’t know the way. He’d only gotten to Heidmar by boat and carriage, never by horse. And if he after all got to the harbor, who would let him go with them to Asgard? He had no money and couldn’t work, his only chance was that they’d trust that he paid them later and who would?

He decided to play along, to let her have her way with him for a while, to gain her trust. He’d try to get in contact with Jele and get the man to help him, and somehow he would get out of here. He had to. Taking a deep breath, he took the first step of many to come.

He turned his head and kissed her gently, letting her react the way she wanted. She hummed and climbed into his lap while kissing him back, her lips moving softly against his. She was a good kisser, he had to admit that, but her kisses weren’t nearly as good as those he shared with his lady.

“I’m sorry for being so stubborn. I know that I still love you, I just… I’ve denied it for so long,” he lied when she broke the kiss for breath. She smiled, swallowing his lie like all the others, and kissed him again and this time, though disgusted, he didn’t pull away. Instead, he slid his arms around her and pulled her body against his and smiled into the kiss, a faked smile, but she didn’t know. She smiled as well and broke the kiss to ask him something.

“If I trust you, will you stay with me? Will you promise you won’t run away?”

He smiled, trying hard to keep a smirk away. Poor girl…tricked, deceived, as she’d always been, by him. She was too foolish to see it… He kissed her again before answering.

“I promise. I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ew  
> very disgust  
> such nope  
> wow  
> much yuck


	31. Loki didn't love you anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't, did he, so what do you have to lose?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... a lot

You groaned and opened your eyes and then shot up, hands clasped over your mouth. Someone hummed and a bucket appeared below you and you threw up again. After muttering something about never being enough you looked up at Thor, who held the bucket by your chest until you nodded. A servant walked away with it and Thor asked how you felt for the umpteenth time and you answered, for the umpteenth time, that you were alright. You sighed and looked around in the dimly lit room. It was a while after Loki’s disappearance, you didn’t bother counting the days, and you hadn’t slept naturally at all. A few hours every night of artificial sleep gotten from Eir’s medication, that was what you had had and it was not enough. Thor brushed a few hairs out of your face.

“You need to eat, love”, he said and you flinched, flinched because you couldn’t eat and because Thor called you “love” _again_. He’d started doing it whenever you were alone, like now, and you didn’t like it. You were afraid he was going to try and make you fall for him now that Loki was gone, but really, did he expect you to? What kind of man would do that when his brother was gone, surely dead, and his lady wouldn’t eat or sleep? Did he really imagine that you could just fall for him instead?

“I don’t want to eat”, you muttered and threw the covers off and got up, walked over to the latest tray of food which Saga had brought to you and picked up a mug of tea. You did want to eat, you hated this eternal hunger, you’d barely eaten for days and it showed; you were already thinner and you were sick and tired all the time. You were walking around in Loki’s tunics and never left your room, you hadn’t bathed for days and you never slept. You just couldn’t. You were so tired you felt like dying but no matter how hard you tried you simply couldn’t sleep. You feared closing your eyes because every time you did you saw the same thing, you saw your nightmares, you saw Loki, bleeding, on the ground, saw his hurt eyes when he screamed for you and you didn’t help him, saw him disappear. And in the same way you couldn’t eat, you just simply couldn’t force the food into your mouth, and you’d lived on tea and Eir’s medication and it wasn’t good for you.

Lifting the mug to your mouth, you looked at Thor who raised an eyebrow and nodded towards the tray of food. You sipped the tea and shook your head slowly. The sweet drink was enough for you at the moment. You swallowed it and frowned when the hot liquid ran down your throat. Even the tea reminded you of Loki…

With a sigh, Thor got up and walked to stand next to you, eyes tracing your body under Loki’s tunic, which luckily covered your body well, and took a piece of bread in his hand. He broke a piece off and handed it to you but you pushed his hand away.

“Darling, you do have to eat”, he sighed and took a bite of his part of the bread. “I’ll get you anything you want.”

“Can you get me Loki?”

He sighed.

“No.”

You threw yourself on the bed and buried your face in a pillow, crying. It smelled like Loki… It was Loki’s pillow, and it smelled like Loki, and it belonged under his head, but he wasn’t there, he hadn’t woken up next to you this morning either and he hadn’t smiled and kissed you and asked if you slept well, he hadn’t been warm and comforting and his reassuring arms hadn’t been around you. You sobbed into the pillow and heard the door creak. Great, somebody else had come to watch you cry…

“My lady, letter from Heidmar.”

You jumped up. Letter from Jele! You stood on the bed and ran off it using newfound power before taking the letter from the servant with a quick “thanks”. You ripped the letter open and read it, your smile faltering more by every line you read.

**_Hello, darling, I hope you’ve been doing fine. I myself am going crazy without you, I’m working in the stables at the court and living in a small house in a village nearby. It’s comfortable and my pay is high but I miss you._ **

**_I don’t have any big news, but I’ve noticed some weird activity. Earlier, the Princess Aliyah would come and visit me every day, ask if I was writing to you and if there were any news about Loki, but a few days ago she suddenly stopped. Nobody has seen her since except for a servant who reported she was going to her healer but without any visual injury, and since then her healer has done regular visits to her room. Nobody knows what’s going on, and only Aliyah’s personal servant is allowed in the room. Something odd is going on… So how is life over there? Is everything fine between you and Prince Loki? Or has something happened that caused Aliyah’s behavior?_ **

**_Sincerely and with my best regards,_ **

**_Jele_ **

You swallowed and looked up at Thor, who was downing a cup of tea. You rolled your eyes and cleared your throat and he finished his tea before coming over there and asking what was wrong. You handed the letter to him and sat down on the bed, head in your hands. Jele’s words were ringing in your ears. Why was Aliyah acting like that…? You sighed and got up, walked over to Loki’s desk and sat down to reply to Loki’s letter. You found a paper in a drawer and picked Loki’s quill up while trying hard to ignore the picture of Loki holding it, his slender fingers around it…

You shook your head and Thor hummed behind you.

“I need to have a talk with my mother. Do you think you’ll manage alone for a while?” he asked and you turned your head to look at him. He had put the letter on the table next to the food tray. You nodded slowly and he smiled and told you to eat before leaving, but you ignored his command and started writing a reply to Jele.

**_Hello, Jele! I miss you just as much, I swear. I’ve been feeling a bit weird since you left, really. I suppose I will have to go visit you some day, unless you could get a few days off work and come here. I’m sure you can stay here in the castle if you do!_ **

**_Anyway, speaking of something odd going on: Loki is gone._ **

You paused and looked away. Writing those words was harder than you thought… You frowned and forced yourself to continue.

**_He was probably kidnapped, by who I don’t know, but they weren’t Asgardian. He’s been gone for perhaps a week, I don’t know. I’ve been living in some kind of half unconscious state since he disappeared and I can’t sleep or eat. I can barely move at all, now that I think of it. I can’t do anything else than lie in bed and wish he was here, really. Life is pointless without him._ **

**_I know that this is a very daring accusation, but perhaps the Princess Aliyah had him abducted? She could’ve hired some men to take him to her! And that would explain her contact with her healer, because Loki was wounded when they took him. Maybe she’s keeping him a prisoner in her palace!_ **

**_I know what you’ll say, but please, look into it. I need him to survive._ **

You were now crying over the letter. A teardrop smudged the ink and made the word “survive” look like a blur. You sighed and added “survive” before signing the letter and folding it. You would ask Thor to send it later; you didn’t have the strength to drag yourself over to the door and call for a servant. Instead, you threw yourself onto the bed and buried your face in the pillow that smelled like Loki. You breathed his scent in for a while before putting that pillow next to you and cuddling up with it. You curled yourself into a ball and nuzzled your face in the pillow, and after mere seconds you managed to fall asleep.

You jolted awake by a scream. You were back in the cabin, and you were naked. What had happened? You hurried up and threw your clothes on while another scream filled the air. Loki’s scream. You threw the door open and stepped out but there was no ground to step on. You fell, fell mercilessly into the dark… Bed? You landed on a soft surface, back down, and suddenly Loki was hovering over you with a smirk.  He kissed you softly and tugged at your dress, and you smiled and nodded. He sat up and pulled his shirt over his head, but when the shirt revealed his face again it wasn’t Loki, it was Thor, who smirked and pinned you down, and you screamed for help but nobody helped you. Thor pressed his lips to yours… and you were standing in a corridor with Loki, kissing him, his arms were wrapped around your body like he’d never let go. He whispered your name in your ear… And it turned into a scream, he was screaming your name, you were standing by the cabin and watching Loki as the men kicked him until he stopped screaming, and you couldn’t move. You screamed his name when the three horses disappeared over a hill…

“Wake up! Wake up!”

Your eyes shot open and you jolted up and shouted when your head connected with Thor’s. You rolled away and rubbed your forehead while Thor groaned behind you.

“Are you alright?” he asked and put his hand on your shoulder. You shivered and wriggled his hand off, the dream fresh in your memory. You heard him get off the bed.

“I had a nightmare”, you said quietly, wondering what time it was. You realized the tunic you were wearing was damp with sweat and so was your forehead when you felt it. You frowned when the bloody image of Loki on the ground flashed by again. Looking up, you noticed Thor was watching you intently while rubbing his chin. You raised an eyebrow and he sighed.

“You were screaming. You screamed my name, and then you called for Loki… What did you dream?”

You bit your lip and looked away.

“Nothing.”

Your gaze found the folded paper on your desk and you nodded to it.

“Think you could hand that to the messenger, my prince?” you asked and stretched for a pillow that you’d thrown away in your sleep. Thor hummed, seemingly undisturbed by the fact that you’d used his title for the first time in months. You’d done it to mark that you were no more than close friends, for he seemed to have something else in mind…

“It is late, though. We should try to get some sleep.”

“I don’t want to sleep”, you said and shivered. You didn’t want the dreams…

“You have to. You’ve found a way to fall asleep, use it, please. Loki will kill me if he returns and sees you’re unwell.”

You sighed. “If” he returns… He would, wouldn’t he? Hadn’t he said that nothing could keep you apart? Or were those words just words, just things he said to make you love him? Did he even love you? Maybe not… Maybe he was just using you, maybe he didn’t feel anything for you at all, maybe you were just a plaything of his... The more you thought like that the more convinced you became that it was true, that he didn’t care for you, that you were nothing to him but a toy.

You sighed and pulled the Loki pillow close, snuggled up with it and fell asleep again, not noticing the prince crawling into bed next to you and holding you close while you slept.

You were in a dark room. Lying on a bed, perhaps, since the surface you were laying on was soft. Reaching out, you felt the soft skin of another body. You crawled closer and nuzzled your nose in Loki’s neck. He smelled so good… His scent meant safety, it meant love and care, it meant the world to you. Suddenly you caught another smell… Rotten flesh? You realized Loki wasn’t breathing. You tried to say something but your voice was gone, and when you tried to move your hands they were stuck, and now Loki was moving away from you… Suddenly you were standing by the hill again, watching the hooded men pull Loki onto a horse and riding away with him, and you couldn’t move, you couldn’t scream his name, and suddenly Thor was there, he was talking to you but you couldn’t hear it, and then everything disappeared and you were alone, alone in your room, without Loki and Thor… Alone…

You jolted awake with a gasp and realized someone was holding you. Wriggling out of their grip, you grabbed a pillow and hit whoever it was with it. A low groan told you that it was Thor. A jolt of fear struck your stomach as he pulled the pillow away. He was naked… He was in your bed, holding you, _naked_.

“What are you doing?” you screamed at him. He frowned and sat up while you crawled out of bed and stood next to it. You frowned when he didn’t answer.

“ _What_ in the name of the devil are you doing?” you shouted and he flinched.

“I was trying to offer you some comfort…” he muttered and reached for his red tunic which hung on the armchair he’d placed next to the bed. You realized he wasn’t naked, he was just shirtless. Relief filled your chest but you were still angry and… afraid?

“I don’t need your comfort!” you said and stalked into the bathroom, the door swinging shut behind you with a loud bang. You surveyed yourself in the mirror and noted that you looked like a ghost, with dark rings under your eyes and hair tangled. Your eyes were puffy and gaze missing the flame, the life. You looked… not dead, but not alive either. Your stomach rumbled loudly and you groaned at the hunger gnawing at you. Putting a hand on your stomach, you bent over the sink and threw up into it.

“My lady?”

You groaned. Couldn’t he leave you alone?

“What?” you mumbled.

“Are you alright?”

“No.”

“Can I come in?”

The stench of your vomit in the sink reached you.

“No…”

“Please. You’re not alright, and I’ll never forgive myself if something happens to you on my watch. Please.”

You groaned and kicked the door open, the movement sucking your last strength out. You collapsed into Thor’s arms and he lifted you back onto your feet. You stood on shaky legs, looking up into the prince’s piercing blue eyes. He was too close… He leaned in a little, and now his lips were so close you could feel the heat radiating off them. Well… Loki didn’t love you anyway, did he?

Thor wrapped his arms around you as you pressed your lips against his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update, but as I think I mentioned sometime that I was away this week and couldn't update (technically I could have but it would been a huge pain in the ass) and yesterday I actually fell asleep with my face on the keyboard while updating so it had to wait...
> 
> And this is actually the last chapter I have ready, I'm not finished with 32 and I have so much to do (including spending a ton of hours with a psychologist) but I will try my best to get it done... I'm sorry in advance because I'm pretty sure it'll be late.


	32. A light in the end of the dark tunnel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki gets in trouble while finding a possible way home...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm sorry for posting this so late, but life has dug its claws hard into me and I'm sorry, but I can't keep it up anymore. I actually finished this chapter earlier but I do want my beta to look at it because I don't want to give you a shitty piece. I'm extremely happy I have her and she taught me lots about writing, so you should be happy she's here or this story would never be what it is;)
> 
> I'm trying to keep up with writing but updates won't be regular anymore. As a heads up: I haven't finished 33 yet.
> 
> I hope you're all well:3 If you have any question, comment! I reply to all comments I get:3
> 
> Finally, thank you, to all of you who stay by my side, to every single one of you who read this, to all the 423 (!!) people who left me kudos and made me smile, to everyone who leave these wonderful comments that make my day and to anyone who won't give this story up because of my depression. Thank you<3

Loki groaned and opened his eyes. The sweet smell of Aliyah’s fragrance reached him when he took a deep breath and he flinched when he realized he was holding her. Looking over her shoulder, he saw that she was still fast asleep, so he decided to get some air.

In the latest days he had truly gained Aliyah’s trust, using lies and excuses to explain why he seemed so absent and sometimes disgusted when he was with her. He refrained from laying with the princess and didn’t touch her more than necessary, although she seemed happy that he was hers anyway. He smiled a little while pulling his trousers on. The poor girl was so gullible…slowly opening the door, he threw a look over his shoulder to make sure she was truly asleep. He pulled the door shut and walked through the small palace towards the ground level.

Castles of Heidmar were smaller and more logical; instead of Asgard’s many floors and trapdoors and hidden staircases, there were simply a few floors on top of each other with only one set of stairs between. There were no towers, no secret rooms, nothing. Loki disliked it, but right now it worked to his advantage since he would easily guide himself through the palace. Aliyah’s palace (all princes and princesses in Heidmar had their own, which was the only thing Loki envied Aliyah for) had four floors;

Aliyah’s floor, which consisted of her rooms, the guest floor, which consisted of guest rooms, the feast floor, which was actually just a great hall and some smaller rooms surrounding it, and the ground floor, where kitchens and servants were quartered. There were dungeons and guard’s quarters below, but they were ridiculously small.

Loki stopped in his tracks. He had recognized the face of one of the servants walking by. Whipping around in the corridor, he called the man’s name.

“Jele!”

Jele turned and his eyes widened.

“My prince, what are you doing here?”

Loki half smiled and walked up to the considerably shorter man. Ignoring Jele’s question, he asked:

“Do you write to my love?”

At first, Jele frowned, but then his eyes lit up as he realized who Loki was talking about.

“I do. I haven’t written in a while, though, because I’ve had a lot to do, but I was hoping to do it tonight. Why?”

“Can you promise to tell her I love her?” Loki asked.

Jele smiled a visibly forced smile and nodded but Loki had a feeling he wouldn’t tell her anything about Loki. Mentally cursing, Loki looked up to find Aliyah walking towards them.

_‘Oh no…’_

Aliyah would be mad if he didn’t kiss her, but Jele would surely tell all about it…

Aliyah swept past Jele and pulled Loki down into a sweet kiss. He frowned but quickly smoothened his face as she broke the kiss and asked where he’d been. Shrugging, he mentioned getting air and she smiled.

“I will have breakfast sent to our room, darling, get some air and return to me,” she said and Loki nodded and took off, worries swirling around in his head. Jele was sure to tell his love about this, and she would hate him for it, but he couldn’t do anything because then Aliyah would be mad and that girl was crazy; she’d have someone killed. Loki sighed and entered the gardens. Wrinkling his nose at the sweet smell of the flowers that Aliyah got her perfume from, he walked over to a fence and leaned on it. He took a deep breath and extracted the fresh air from the scent of the flowers. With a sigh he let the air out and shook his head. What a mess he was in…

A soft breeze brushed his cheek and he closed his eyes while imagining his love, her hands on his skin, her lips on his… He saw her smile in front of him and he couldn’t help but smile as well, even though a tear ran down his cheek. Something to his right caught his eye and he swallowed. It was a small plant which had flowers in all the colors of the rainbow; the plant next to which his lady had kneeled on that day, months ago.

_He led her out into the garden and chuckled softly when she gasped._

_“It’s beautiful,” she whispered lowly, unconsciously, he suspected. He wanted to tell her that it wasn’t nearly as beautiful as her, that there was nothing as beautiful as her, but he couldn’t. She was already afraid of him, already terrified of what she’d heard of him. He couldn’t simply ruin this. She meant everything. She kneeled in front of a rainbow plant and he smiled, a genuine smile._

_“I thought you’d like it,” he said, still keeping in the words of flattery he was longing to say. She nodded fervently and he laughed. She was amazing… He offered her his arm._

_“Walk with me?” he requested and she rose with a smile. That smile, it lit up his day, and any day without it was a day wasted._

Any day without his love was a day wasted.

He took a deep breath and wiped his tears with the back of his hand. He had to get back, quickly, get back there and tell her how much he loved her…

“Hey.”

He spun around quickly, taken aback by the sudden sound. It was Jele. He swallowed and nodded to the man, who walked up next to him. Saying nothing, Loki sighed and looked out over the fence.

“I miss her,” Jele said and Loki grunted.

“Me too.”

“She’s… she’s one of a kind. She’s down-to-earth, she’s funny, she’s smart…”

“Beautiful,” Loki filled in. Jele nodded and continued.

“I love her. She’s like a sister to me, we do everything together. In a desperate attempt to be with her forever just for the sheer pleasure of her company I told her I was in love with her… I feel horrible now. I don’t deserve her, not really, not when I leave her like this. I just followed the princess, because she was offering me a better life, but honestly, I’d rather be broke and starving but with your lady… If you’re going back, will you take me with you?”

Loki processed these words for a while. It was hard to hear the man speak of his lady, but even harder to hear the question. He couldn’t promise anything. But, stupid as he was, he did.

“Help me get away from here and I swear I will take you with me.”

Jele lifted an eyebrow.

“You’re not here voluntarily?”

Loki shook his head with a sigh.

“The quim had me kidnapped and locked up in her room, and now she’s forcing me into this act. I don’t love her, I hate her, but she’s forcing me to be with her. All I want is to get back to Asgard and my lady. I will take you with me if you help me.”

Jele nodded and continued staring into the forest. A quite pleasant silence filled the air and Loki enjoyed it while thinking of the reunion with his love. At first, it was a happy meeting in his head. He would find her in their room, on the bed, crying, and he would walk over there and kneel next to her and press a kiss to her cheek and whisper “don’t cry”. She would look up and gasp and throw her hands around his neck and he would kiss her softly, he would cherish the feel of her lips, and then he would stand and pull her into the bed and they would share hours of suppressed passion and love.

But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that it wouldn’t be like that. She would be mad, Thor would possibly have seduced her, and he would come back to a living nightmare. Of course, his parents would be rabid, because he could never do right, and now he’d broken this girl’s heart as well and blah, blah, blah. He was used to that, he was used to his brother winning over him, but he would never stand seeing his darling’s eyes. The pain they reflected, the hurt, the tears…

He could never take that.

“So…” he started and Jele flinched. Ignoring him, Loki continued. “Are you writing to her?”

Jele swallowed.

“I wrote to her earlier…”

Loki arched an eyebrow.

“And?”

Jele continued slowly.

“I told her about earlier.”

Loki swallowed. He was in great trouble.

“Great…” he said slowly.




**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, he's in trouble;)  
> (I have no idea where that "1." came from, it's not in my document or in the text when I preview it. If it's gone I guess it's fine, but don't worry if you see it.


	33. Confirmation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rather good day which sadly set thoughts spinning, and not only yours...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUUUUYYYYYSS  
> I haven't even finished 34, I like barely started it  
> I know, I know, I'm the most awful writer in the whole world...
> 
> So the story might seem a bit off (well, a lot of weird shit going on) and there are two explanations:  
> -my writing and plain interest goes down by thousands with my depression, and I don't want to give you a shitty piece  
> -I have a huge evil plan that hopefully won't cause any heart attacks (no promises)
> 
> I hope you guys are doing well and that you can accept that I'm buried under responsibilities and depression and god knows what (I swear to god when they bury me I'll have a note from my mum in the coffin saying "empty the dishwasher")
> 
> Or a grade sheet with straight F's  
> idk
> 
> I'm sorry, again, but I'm doing my best to keep writing:3  
> I love you<3
> 
> Thanks again for all the kudos, comments and reads, you people are amazing<3

_You heard an incoherent mutter and opened your eyes to Loki’s face, inches from yours. You screamed and tried to move but Loki held you down and told you to be quiet, so you were, and then you heard it again. The muttering. You glanced past Loki and saw Thor behind him, holding a knife, eyes bleeding. He was slowly shuffling towards you and you realized the mistake you’d made by screaming: he found you. Loki slowly moved to your other side and pulled you with him. He held you close and whispered that Thor had tried to murder you, so he had poked Thor’s eyes out to protect you._

_“I will always protect you,” he whispered. “I’ll protect you with my life.”_

_And in that very moment Thor drove the knife through Loki’s heart._

You groaned and tried to roll over only to find yourself held by a pair of strong arms, too strong and warm to be Loki’s. A small jolt of panic hit you before you remembered yesterday and smiled. A small knock on the door made you flinch and you broke out of Thor’s arms to pull his red tunic over your head and walk over to the door. You were pretty familiar with Thor’s room since the time when you’d spend your days here, but you’d forgotten a lot of how it looked. Thor wasn’t as tidy as Loki, so there were clothes all over the floor—a little of yours too, since yesterday—and some leftovers were on the small table which was placed in a corner. The wine bottle you’d consumed last night was on the floor, a chair was knocked over, and you smiled when you remembered exactly how the bottle came to be on the floor, how the chair was knocked over, how your clothes ended up on the floor…

A small jolt of arousal went through your body when you remembered how he’d ripped Loki’s tunic off and thrown it away like it was trash, how you’d laughed at his small comment (“we don’t need this anymore”), and what he’d done to you after that…

You jerked and started towards the door when whoever it was knocked again. You looked yourself over and thanked the gods that Thor’s tunic was large enough to cover all of you. It had a comforting smell, a smell of the warmth and safety Thor offered. You smiled and swung the door open to reveal Saga, the servant girl who you’d started thinking of as a sister, with a letter from Jele. You smiled and thanked her before ripping the letter open to read, and the more you read the more your smile faded, until you wanted to kill someone, and that someone was Loki. The bastard! You read the letter again;

**_Hey, it’s me._ **

**_I met Loki earlier, he looked frustrated over something. When he saw me he got this glint in his eye, and he asked me if I wrote to you, and I replied that I did. Here’s the weird part: he begged me to tell you he loves you, and then the princess Aliyah showed up and he kissed her. What’s going on? Maybe I shouldn’t ask you, but I wonder what the hell is wrong with that man. He disappeared and I rushed to write to you. I don’t know what he’s doing here, I don’t know why he asked me to tell you that he loves you when he’s obviously with Aliyah, and I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t like it._ **

**_Another detail before you jump to conclusions: his face when he kissed her. He didn’t close his eyes, they were filled with pain and disgust, he frowned and his hands twitched like he wanted to push her away, but as soon as she broke the kiss he looked happy again. I don’t know if he’s tricking me or her or what’s going on, but from what I’ve seen he’s left you for Aliyah._ **

**_I hope all is well with you,_ **

**_Jele_ **

You swallowed and brushed a tear away. Even though you were sure Loki didn’t love you anymore, you had still had hope. There was always hope, your mother had taught you, and growing up like you did you had to have hope, and of course you’d been hoping that Loki would come back, that he still loved you, but Jele’s letter proved the opposite. You couldn’t hold back anymore, so you let the tears fall.

“Darling?”

You hummed in response and Thor embraced you from behind.

_‘Morning arousal, check.’_

You ignored both your mind’s comment and Thor’s arousal and sighed.

“Letter from Jele,” you said and broke free of the prince’s embrace to wash yourself in the bathroom. When you came back, Thor muttered “that bastard!” and threw the letter on the table. He was still naked and you surveyed his body with a smirk that made him lift a mischievous eyebrow and before you knew it he was throwing you on the bed, showering you with kisses.

You laughed at Thor’s joke and slapped him on the arm while mocking a snobby voice:

“How dare you?”

He laughed and looked out over the mass of people at the bar where you were sitting, his eyes scanning the crowd. You knew who he was looking for, and you doubted they’d be here.

After earlier events Thor had taken you to the village for the first time in ages, and you’d told him exactly everything about what had happened to you and Loki, about Bergel and Garm and Jele and Awah, why you snuck out every now and then and so on, and now Thor was being over protective.

You were having a drink at Thor’s favorite bar, the Heavy Hammer, and everyone were in a good mood. All around you people were joking and laughing, but you still felt a little down. Even though the atmosphere was light, you couldn’t stop worrying. Even though you’d started gaining weight again after the time when you refused to eat, you still felt the same; sick and tired of everything. Signs that your monthly bleeding was approaching had started coming too early and you were worried that something was wrong with you. You’d started examining your body every morning and noticed that your breasts had become tender, a sure sign that your bleeding was coming. The problem was you just had it.

Nevertheless, you were having a good time, drinking and talking to Thor. You’d chosen non-alcoholic beverages for the day, since you were feeling so sick, but Thor was downing pints of ale. You started worrying that he might drink too much and the memories of last time were fresh in your mind.

“Thor, darling…” you said quietly and put your hand on his arm. He froze and looked around, obviously fearing you’d noticed something out of place. He returned to fix your eyes with his, and staring into his electrical blue eyes you felt safer than ever before. You smiled and ignored the clenching feeling in your stomach.

“You’re drinking too much,” you said and felt your body stiffen, ready for his rage, but it never came. He smiled faintly and nodded before putting the glass down. The bartender walked up to fill it but he shook his head.

“No more for me, now,” he muttered and turned to you.

“Everything alright?” he asked.

“Yes, I was just worried you’d…”

You saw the pain in his eyes and your voice faded. He swallowed and adopted a pained frown that made your heart bleed.

“I’m so sorry,” he said and took your hands in his, “I should’ve thought of that. I’m sorry for ever hurting you.”

You bit your lip.

“It’s fine, just… don’t do it again.”

“My lady, I swear to the gods above that I will never again in my life be drunk!” he exclaimed with a smile and winked at you when you rolled your eyes. You started a new conversation and everything went well, Thor drank water with you and you stayed at the tavern for pretty long, but at last it closed and the two of you wandered out towards the beach. There was a guard waiting outside the door, but Thor waved him off. That guard had followed you wherever you went outside the castle lately, and you were getting mighty irritated with him. He followed you at a distance when you strolled towards the beach, arm in arm, talking about the sea.

You mentioned the story Loki had told you and Thor laughed.

“He’s never done that,” he said and you arched an eyebrow. Thor continued with a smirk.

“He was on a ship, yes, and there was a storm, but he never made it to the other side. The ship sank, Loki saved himself and let the others die. He came back telling everyone lies except for me. He told me the truth, the bastard. He never was in Vinland, he’s just jealous because I was.”

“Vinland?”

“The land on the other side of the ocean. We call it Vinland.  It’s enormous, and warm, much warmer than here. They don’t dress in furs, like our men, but in simple cloths wrapped around the hips, and they’re not colored like us. They’re darker. They don’t speak our language or know of our food. I was there with father, just once, and it was amazing. So different from us. As I said, it’s warmer, so the first thing we did was take of our furs and coats. The people in Vinland were impressed by our enormous furs, they had thinner and smaller ones, furs from animals I’ve never seen. And there are fruits that don’t grow here, which we trade for resources we have, for example our furs.”

You whistled lowly. That sounded pretty amazing… Still, what Loki had done bugged you. You wondered whether it was true or if Thor told you that to make you think ill of Loki.

Something that bugged you even more was that Loki had lied to you. If he could lie about that, he could lie about anything else, couldn’t he? The truth was hurtful, not because you loved him but because you had been stupid enough to love him, to believe him, to throw all caution aside. You should’ve listened to Jele, to your mother, to the elders of your village who told the stories about the prince. With a sign, you forced Loki out of your mind and turned to Thor, who was still talking.

“And perhaps someday I could take you on my father’s ship and show you all this,” he finished and you smiled.

“It truly does seem amazing,” you said and reached up to kiss him. He smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around you before whispering:

“I love you.”

You smiled and replied:

“I love you too.”

You had no idea somebody was watching you…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EMPTY THE DISHWASHER


	34. Oh memories....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where'd you go, you were all I've ever known...  
> *keeps singing epic song (Memories by Panic! At The Disco)*
> 
> HAHAHA I feel so evil (damn I'm sorry guys)
> 
> So... I've had a few pretty good days, some bad, I don't know, but I feel better and I hope it's not just a period but that I'm on my way out of the depression...  
> And guys, I wrote this piece of shit chapter in twenty minutes at 3 am when I had a stay-up-all-night-forcing-yourself-not-to-commit-suicide-night so no hate okay?
> 
> I love you people <3 your comments always make me smile, you people are so cute :3
> 
> So 35 is started but damn I suck XD I'm trying, guys :3
> 
> Thank you, as always, for everything :3

You groaned and sat up in bed. Thor was on his way through the room to open the door, on which someone had knocked. A shaky voice confirmed your suspicions; it was Saga with another letter from Jele.

“I don’t want to know, write back to him and tell him to let me be,” you muttered and Thor walked into the bathroom. You rubbed your eyes and looked around you with a sigh.

You had really let yourself down in the latest month; you’d been weighed down by grief over the loss of Loki and gained far too much weight which only added to your depression. Being with Thor helped temporarily but as soon as you were done you felt guilty for betraying Loki. Somewhere deep inside you were sure Loki wasn’t alright, that he hadn’t left you for Aliyah. Why would he let them kidnap and beat him halfway to death instead of just leaving, if that was the case?

Thor kept saying Loki was always a suspicious man and that he surely had left you, but you didn’t believe him. You needed Loki.

You were worried over your mental health, though. You had tried to kill yourself several times (the last time Thor had to save you from drowning yourself was yesterday) and you’d started eating more which made you fat. You threw up every now and then and your body was acting strangely, nothing like you were used to. You just assumed all this was because of the depression, because what else could it be?

A short knock on the door made you flinch.

“Get out!” you called. At first there was a silence, then the door opened and lady Eir stepped in. You swallowed and stood, blurting out excuses, but she waved them away.

“Dress yourself, we’re going out,” said the healer and you frowned.

“I don’t want to go out.”

“You just told me to get out, so we’re going out.”

“You are, I’m staying here.”  
At this, Eir stepped up to you and grabbed your arm.

“You are coming with me,” she said slowly, and the anger in her eyes made your knees shake. You swallowed, nodded and dressed yourself in mere seconds. Eir surveyed you, brushed some dirt off your cheek and nodded before turning and walking out. You stumbled after her while calling to Thor that you would be right back, but judging by the small shake the healer’s head did you wouldn’t.

(I really feel like this sentence is wrong but damn I want it)

You followed Eir through the castle until you were standing in the garden. This was the first time you were outside in weeks and the fresh air was painful in your lungs. You wanted to go back to bed and cry.

“You’re depressed.”  
The words came so suddenly you flinched. Turning your head to stare at the healer, you nodded slowly. She smiled faintly.

“You need to get out of it. You have people to take care of.”

“Who?” you asked, actually smirking since you knew nobody would care for your love.

“Yourself, to begin with. Does sleeping with Thor help you?”

“Yes,” you answered, a little too quickly. Eir raised an eyebrow.

“Be honest with me.”

You bit your lip.

“No, it doesn’t. I miss Loki.”

“Do you know of his whereabouts?”

Something in the old woman’s voice gave you reason to believe that she actually knew where Loki was. Frowning, you tried to think of a way to prove it, but you failed. Eir hummed to urge you into answering.

“No,” you lied. “I do not know where he is.”

Eir sighed.

“If we only knew, we could send an army to take him back… Odin and Frigga are desperate to have him back.”

You swallowed.

_‘If only you hadn’t lied you could’ve had him back!’_ your subconscious scolded you. You clenched your jaw together and drew breath, but before you could speak Eir did.

“Frigga wants to have you thrown out of the castle.”  
A lump of lead formed in your stomach. You cleared your throat and Eir chuckled.

“You most certainly won’t be thrown out, sweetheart, there are three men in this castle who are crazy about you. Or, well, two for the time being.”

She let out a barely audible sigh and continued.

“But the queen does not approve of your actions, my dear. I suggest that you get yourself together and let Thor go, start replying to poor Jele’s letters and try to find a way back to life. Your mental state has reached a point where you refuse to believe anything, am I right?”

You swallowed and nodded. It was true, you didn’t dare believe anything people said to you. You would tell Thor you loved him but in your head was pure disgust, you could hear from Saga that Jele missed you but in your head is hate, but when Eir spoke to you, you listened.

“You don’t want to live, but in fear of losing Loki you don’t want to die. You don’t want to eat, but in fear of starving to death you do it. You don’t want to be with Thor, but in fear of being alone you seek his company. You spend hours, days, weeks, inside, crying, trying not to feel things. You shut the feelings out, but at some point they will break you do-“

She was interrupted by you throwing your arms around her neck, crying, leaning on her for support, and you cried so hard you couldn’t breathe.

“You’re- you’re right!” you sobbed into her shoulder, and she only let her breath out and embraced you. You stood there for a while, reveling in the feeling of her arms around you, of her soothing words, of the fact that she cared.

And it all returned to you, the feelings, the thoughts, the life. You remembered the day when Loki first kissed you, when you were so ambivalent about what you wanted, and when comparing it to how you felt today you broke out in hysterical crying. Without Loki you were nothing, you were an empty and emotionless shell, a shell containing no life, no thoughts, no feelings.

And you cried, you cried for what felt like an eternity, and all the memories returned to you, everything that you had pushed away and forgotten returned, and after a long while you managed to ask Eir what was happening to you, and her reply made you cry even more.

“You’ve had a kind of depressive post-traumatic stress situation, combined with grief and shock over losing Loki. You’ve pushed away feelings and emotions and even forgotten things, mostly positive things, but I beg you to remember now…”

She kept talking but you weren’t listening. You were remembering.

_Aliyah was staring at Loki over your shoulder, and as his arms sneaked around your waist and pulled you to him you started smiling in triumph. Aliyah’s eyes were flashing envy on you as Loki bent his head and whispered in your ear._

_“I’ve missed you, darling.”_

_It was enough for you; he was holding you close and his hair fell onto your shoulder as he pressed a kiss to your temple. You spun around and hugged him tightly. He hugged you back, one hand on your back and the other on your head as he held you close. You breathed deeply, inhaling his wonderful scent with every breath._

_“I’ve missed you too,” you said, your voice thick with suppressed tears of joy._

You held in a high-pitched wail as the next part of that memory reached you.

_Loki laughed his exhaling laugh and lifted your face with one finger under your chin. He studied you closely with those green eyes of his that were sparkling with joy before pressing his lips to yours._

_You exploded with emotion. Euphoria rushed through your body and you were on the verge of tears, his thin lips against yours were wonderful, even better than you remembered. It was like he had been away for years. You hadn’t realized how much you missed him until now._

You swallowed and looked at Eir, who had stopped talking, and she whispered;

“Remember.”

And you remembered that night, so many months ago, on the couch in the library…

_Loki unconsciously fondled the side of your stomach under the loose shirt you wore and you closed your eyes for a moment, enjoying his touch._

_‘I’m giving up on you…’_

_‘Good, then I can have Loki all to myself.’_

_‘What?’_

_You sighed in pleasure and Loki stopped. You opened your eyes and felt his hand leaving your body, so you took it in yours._

_“Darling?”_

_“Loki?”_

_He laughed his little exhaling laugh and continued, now moving to your hip and tracing only one finger back to your stomach. You sighed again and closed your eyes, savoring the moment._

_“Darling?” Loki asked again._

_“Yes?”_

_“It is very late, we should go to bed. We need to rest.”_

_“But I don’t want to.”_

_“My love, I never told you I would stop doing this, but we do need to get some rest.”_

_You opened your eyes and tilted your head to look up at Loki. What was he suggesting?_

_“What do you mean?” you asked, a knot forming in your stomach. Did he mean you should share a bed again?_

_His beautiful green eyes locked yours. He smiled, not the usual smirk but a real smile, something you had seen a lot of lately._

_“Only if you want to.” he said._

_“I… I…” you didn’t know how to answer. You both wanted to and didn’t._

_“You choose, I’m not making you do anything. I just want to be with you.”_

_“Only for tonight,” you breathed, and Loki smiled again. You both closed your books and got up from the couch. He took your hand and whispered in your ear:_

_“Your room or mine?”_

_“Mine,” you said without thinking, and then immediately regretted it. You would have loved to see Loki’s quarters. You had only ever been in Thor’s, which was a kind of second home to you, but Loki’s…_

_While you had been preoccupied with your thoughts, Loki had led you to your door._

_You smiled and entered the room when Loki opened the door, then stopped and looked at the bed. Last time he had been here was the night when you had nightmares and you had awoken to see him in your bed; you had been awfully angry at him and sent him away._

_Loki snaked his arms around your waist and whispered something in your ear, though you didn’t hear it as you were still lost in thought; he kissed the side of your neck and sent a shiver rippling through your body._

_Loki led you over to the bed and let you fall onto it, then laid down next to you and took you in his arms. You laid your head on his shoulder and let him fondle your hips, his hands trailing slowly to your upper thighs, then your sides. Finally he traced a finger across your stomach, following the edge of your trousers._

_He placed a finger under your chin and lifted your face, leaning in to kiss you; you kissed him back, even though your mind was positively raging. You lifted your hands to caress his sides and he flipped you over so that you were straddling him. You felt his hardness through his trousers and ignored the jolt of fear that shot through your body as you kissed him again, this time with more passion._

You shivered and broke free of Eir’s embrace. She didn’t call for you to stay, so you ran. You ran through the palace, up stairs and through corridors, until you reached the library. Outside the doors you stopped and closed your eyes before pulling the doors open.

You stood still for a moment and could almost hear Loki’s voice in your ear. You hurried into the library and found the couch on which you had been laying with Loki. You curled up on it and felt his soft touch on your skin, you felt his body next to yours, heard his breathy laugh…

_“Darling, I’m here. You have me, and I love you more than life itself.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hai  
> ...  
> EMPTY THE DISHWASHER  
> #oldbutgold  
> damn my humor sucks


	35. Ragnarök

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mixed points of view...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUUUYYYS
> 
> Okay  
> okay  
> okay
> 
> I'm sorry okay  
> my mail fucked up and I didn't know I had the chapter till now
> 
> but guess what
> 
> chapter 36 is done as well
> 
> ;)
> 
> I love you guys okay <3

Aliyah rolled her eyes and waved the servant in. Where was Loki? He’d been “getting air” for twenty minutes, it was suspicious.

Herdel, her head spy, entered the room and she smiled. He looked like he had good news.

“My princess, the girl spends excessive amounts of time in Prince Thor’s company.”

She chuckled.

“It’s time to release the Ragnarök…”

Saga sighed and tried to form the letter “a” again. How could it be so hard to write?

Being a servant, she had never learned how to write, but she could read fairly well. She tried to copy the letters in sir Jele’s letter to form a reply but it was difficult…

“Saga, quit that, the prince needs you!”

Henna stood in the doorway, looking especially angry today, so Saga laid the quill down and hurried to Prince Thor’s room. She knocked the door and prepared for the usual sight of her lady in the bed, crying or sleeping, looking like Ragnarök personified.

The door swung open and it wasn’t Thor, as usual, but her lady! Saga looked up and smiled and her lady smiled back.

“How are you feeling, my lady?” asked Saga out of habit.

“I am doing alright. I was wondering if you could talk to Han and bring me some early lunch, please, I’m starving.”

This time she didn’t get a grunt as a reply, but a whole sentence!

Saga nodded and hurried towards the kitchen after curtsying. She couldn’t stop smiling; her lady wasn’t sad anymore! Did this mean Prince Loki was coming back?

Saga was both sad and happy that Loki was returning; he used to make life sour for Saga, but he made his lady happy, and Saga wanted her lady to be happy.

Han was baking for lunch when Saga tapped his shoulder and informed him of the glad news. Han smiled and immediately threw a lunch together after commenting that the lady was eating a lot nowadays. Saga agreed and added that it definitely showed on the lady’s stomach, and Han exchanged some bread for fruit. They shared a toast with milk (Han stole it, usually they were only allowed to drink water) and then Saga returned to the lady with the lunch. When she reached the door, the lady was waiting in the doorway, impatience etched into her face. Saga smiled and handed her the tray and she smiled back. Pondering if mentioning writing to Jele was a good idea, Saga missed what the lady said and had to excuse herself. The lady just laughed.

“My sister used to do that, fade away and not listen. What I was saying was that if you hear something from Jele, tell me as soon as possible.”

Saga swallowed.

“Jele has been writing to you almost every day since you stopped answering, my lady.”

The lady nodded with a grim smile and requested that Saga would burn the older letters and give her those that arrive after this talk. Saga nodded and walked back to the servant’s quarters.

_Loki slowly opened his eyes. Sunlight was shining in through a window. The bed felt different. He wasn’t home._

_He felt her body pressed against his back and swallowed. She was so close... Her arm was around him, that was what woke him. His chest exploded, waves of excitement mixed with love rolled through his body, and he asked her what time it was._

_“I don’t know. Did I wake you up?”_

_He smiled a little as her voice filled his ears. This moment was perfect... Breathing out a chuckle, he replied:_

_“Yes, but I couldn’t have awoken in a better way.”_

_And it was true, he could never be happier than he was in that moment. He couldn’t stop smiling, and he wondered if she could feel his heart beating so rapidly it felt like it would jump out of his chest._

_After a moment of silence he requested breakfast._

_“That would be perfect,” she replied._

_He wanted to say, “You’re perfect.”_

_“You know what?” he asked and rolled over to face her. She was so beautiful..._

_“No,” said the girl in front of him. He smiled and was about to say “you’re perfect” but the words got stuck in his throat and in the last second he blurted out:_

_“I think we’re going to have to call it brunch.”_

_She laughed and cuddled up next to him and he forgot to be mad at himself for not saying what he meant, because her body next to his sent his heart flying up his throat, he held back a shivered and reached around her to hold her closer while cherishing the perfect moment..._

Loki jolted awake and shivered. He missed her so bad...

According to his counting, he’d been gone from her for 18 weeks, almost five months. Five painful months without her... That was almost half a year. What if he would never see her again?

He slid out of bed and pulled a pair of trousers on before walking through the castle towards the stable workers’ quarters. The castle was dark and quiet, faint light reached the floors through the windows and set an eerie atmosphere over the place. He reckoned it wasn’t long until sunrise.

There was no way to escape the castle, there were guards everywhere and Aliyah kept an eye on him. His only chance was Jele, but Jele didn’t trust him fully, and the peasant was too afraid of losing his work here to help Loki...

He banged at the door to the quarters and grumpy voices told him to go away using very colourful words that were far too strong to repeat and Loki smirked. He kicked the door open and raised his eyebrows at the man who was currently cursing his existence. He broke off in the middle of the sentence and threw himself out of his bed to kneel in front of Loki and excuse himself. Loki laughed and kicked him away. At least he still had authority and power...

He found Jele asleep and kicked the foot of his bed. Jele flinched and jumped up.

“What are you doing here?” he asked and Loki smirked when a man told Jele that speaking in that tone to a prince isn’t a good idea.

“I need to talk to you. It’s urgent.”

Jele nodded and dressed quickly. He asked what time it was and Loki shrugged; it was quite dark but through the tiny window above Jele’s bed he saw that the sky was lighting up, so the sunrise wasn’t far away.

They walked through the dark castle in silence until Loki spoke.

“I need to get out of here.”

Jele sighed.

“I’ve already made it clear that I am in no position to help you...”

“I have a plan,” said Loki, his mind working in hyper speed. Jele chuckled.

“You don’t need me, Loki. You’re smart and strong. You can get out of here alone.”

“I can’t, because they’re guarding me. But if you could help me get on a transport and-“

“I can’t, it’s impossible. Do you want us both killed? The transports are heavily guarded!”

“I’ve been keeping an eye on it, I could sneak up while the guards are inspecting the horse-“

“Alright, alright, you can do that, but don’t expect much help from me!”

Loki sighed.

“But I need you to distract your co-workers...”

Jele took a deep breath, turned and drove his fist into the wall with a frustrated roar.

“Take me with you and I’ll help you.”

Loki smiled.

“Thank you.”

“I’m going to regret this...”

You sighed and turned in your bed. You had replied to Jele but gotten no letter back, and it had been so long... You had completely lost track of time, you didn’t know how much time had passed since Loki disappeared. Eir had put you on a strict diet to stop you from becoming obese, since you had started eating far too much for a lady. You were constantly hungry and your body was acting crazily.

No matter how little you ate, your stomach was still growing. Though you worried, Eir explained that it was part of your mental situation to panic eat. Thor had scared you by mentioning you might be pregnant (Thor was not a small man, you wouldn’t want to give birth to such a huge baby, and you didn’t even want a baby!) but you waved it away since you had eaten the leaves Loki had provided you with like a good girl. There was no chance you were pregnant.

You sighed again and got up. You couldn't sleep anymore, there was no way. Walking over to the window to gaze over the horizon, you noticed something peculiar. Somebody was sneaking around in the garden...

Dressed in black, short, muscly... You recognised that kind of man.

"Thor!" you called and he muttered in his sleep.

"THOR!"

He jolted awake with a "huh?" and jumped up from the bed when he saw your face. You pointed out through the window and he looked out to see the man climbing into a tree.

"I'll call the guards." he said and walked towards the door while you kept an eye on the man in the tree. What was he doing?

You and Thor continued keeping an eye on him throughout the day and the guards also followed his every step as he sneaked around the garden and the castle. By sundown, you had to make a decision: to capture him and force him to tell you his motives or to follow him back to where he came from?

You decided to capture him and so, when the sun had set, you and Thor were in the dungeons in company of five guards and the man. Thor immediately identified him as a member of the Princess Aliyah's court and you frowned.

"Why are you here?" you asked and the man spit at your feet. Thor lashed out and hit the man straight in the face. You screamed but the prisoner didn't in any way recognise that he'd just been hit by a man consisting of pure muscle. His nose was broken and bleeding but he just smirked and said one word:

"Ragnarök."


	36. Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes one has to leave to make place for the next...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *long deep breath and sigh*  
> guys  
> I'm sorry in advance  
> yeah  
> it's flagged major character death because he is a fucking major character and he did and does fucking matter  
> and if it wasn't for him reader wouldn't be where she was and Loki wouldn't be fucking alive okay
> 
> and sometimes someone has to die to make place for someone else
> 
> and I'm sorry XD

You'd sneaked out from the palace for a day and spent some time with Awah, discussing old memories and crying together over Jele. Awah also revealed that she was in love with Jele and hoped he would come back, since she found out she was pregnant with his child.

"Are you- that's amazing!" you exclaimed and hugged her. Awah shrugged and replied:                             

"I'd want him to be here and know he's going to be a father. It will tie him to me, as well, because according to law he's responsible for his child and its mother's wellbeing."

You smiled.

"I know Jele," you said. "He'll stay with you."

"If he ever comes back..."

"He will." you said and hugged her again.

"How about going for a drink to celebrate?" you proposed and she smiled.

"Drinking isn't good for the baby."

"You can at least drink water," you smiled and pulled her with you.

Since you weren't much of a drinker yourself you ended up at Ullr's inn, drinking a glass of juice each and watching a young man in a corner entertain people with his songs about heroes and freedom while a woman accompanied him with a drum and background noises like "aah" and "ooh". You had a pretty good time until Awah's eyes widened and her gaze got fixed to a point behind you. You turned and stared into a pair of familiar brown eyes. It was Bergel, one of the men who had once kidnapped you to sell you as a slave. That time, Loki had saved you in the last minute. This time, Loki was gone.

"Well, well, what do we have here... Little love strayed from her room, did she? And look, she's brought a friend, how nice of her..."

"You can't get me here, Bergel," you said, feeling bold. He chuckled.

"No, but you're bound to leave at some time, and I can wait... I've heard the rumours, little love. Your prince isn't here to save you again..."

You swallowed and thought quickly.

"Not Loki, but Prince Thor is here." you said and he laughed at you.

"Prince Thor is in the castle, reading the book you gave him and patiently awaiting your return, completely oblivious to the fact that he will never see you again."

And then you remembered. The man in black who'd been spying in the gardens. It was Bergel's companion, Garm, who was nowhere to be seen. After a moment you realised that was because he was locked up in the palace dungeons.

"He'll look for me," you said uncertainly.

"Oh, he will, but it'll be too late, little love... Does Thor love you?"

You nodded and Bergel continued.

"So you are the palace whore, after all... Didn't you say, last time we met, that you weren't?"

You shook your head.

"I'm not a whore."

"Little love, you are. You're Thor's little whore, aren't you? Is he any good?"

You shook your head and bit your lip.

"Just go away, Bergel," you said. He couldn't touch you in here...

"I will, when I have you with me, you quim!" he spat and turned to Awah.

"And who are you? A little whore friend, perhaps?"

Awah spoke up confidently.

"I'm the queen of Allaksar, peasant. You should know better than to speak like that to a queen."

Fear flashed by Bergel's eyes.

"There is no such land," he said, but he was worried now. A smirk spread across your face.

"Oh yes, there is. Across the sea..."

You started retelling the story Thor had once told you and by the time you were done, Bergel was looking genuinely scared. You smirked, certain that he knew that land existed. He swallowed and looked at you again.

"I will get you," he said and left without as much as a glance at Awah. As soon as he was outside you and Awah laughed and drank to your victory, the toast a little lame since it was only apple juice.

"What happened to Loki, though?" asked Awah and you sighed. A little jolt of pain struck you when you explained and when you were done talking Awah looked horrified.

"So according to Jele, he's been kidnapped? Who kidnaps a prince?" she asked and you sighed.

"Aliyah does. You should've seen her when she was here, the way she looked at Loki... She's mad."

Awah shook her head.

"When was last time you heard from Jele?" she asked and you shrugged.

"A few weeks ago. I'm worried, he usually replies in a few days..."

"Do you think something happened?"

* * *

Loki groaned and forced himself up again, pain pulsating in his shoulder.

"Can't take more?" asked Prince Lel of Heidmar, who was sitting by the circle while Loki was being forced to wrestle a man twice as big as him. He shook his head and the prince laughed.

"Finish him," he said to the big man, who smirked and aimed a punch for Loki's head. Loki was too slow to duck and everything went black.

He woke up in Aliyah's bed, the sickeningly sweet smell hanging heavily over him and telling him she was close. His head was pulsating...

"How are you, darling?" asked the princess. He groaned. His whole body was aching after the "wrestling". It was more the big man throwing punch after punch and Loki to entertain the prince who was visiting.

"Horrible." he said and Aliyah clicked her tongue.

"Darling, darling... I thought you knew how to fight."

"I do, but not against men who are twice my size and not when I haven't practiced for months." he explained bitterly. Aliyah pressed a kiss to his lips and he groaned; he had a hard time pretending he loved her right now.

He wondered if Jele was ready...

He and Jele had planned their escape carefully, they'd gone through every flaw in the plan and made sure it was perfect. Tonight at sundown,Jele was to take a wheelbarrow of seed sacks to the front yard where a cart was waiting to take it to the harbour where it would be shipped away. Loki was supposed to be in one of the sacks, and when Jele had loaded the sacks onto the cart he was going to convince the driver to let him ride with the cart to the harbour to make sure the delivery found its way. Maybe not as flawless as they wanted it to be but the best chance they had. Now he just had to escape Aliyah...

"Darling," he started while glancing out the window. He had little time... "I need some air."

She smiled.

"I'll go with you."

He frowned.

"No, I want to be alone. Please."

She looked at him and sighed.

"Bring a guard, in case the pain gets worse."

"No, please. I won't die, I swear. I'll be back soon."

He kissed her softly.

"I love you."

She smiled and waved him off and he couldn't keep a wide smile off his lips as he walked through the castle. He'd been tricking her so well, she trusted him fully. She should've learned never to trust him.

He walked into the little storage where he was supposed to meet Jele and found a large sack to jump into. The door swung open and Jele was there with the wheelbarrow. Loki crawled into the sack and jumped onto the rather large wheelbarrow. After loading the barrow with the other sacks, Jele set off towards the yard, panting at the effort.

He was worried over their lady back at home. He hadn't been allowed to write to her and Aliyah had sent a guard to make sure he didn't write. He wondered what she thought, if she worried...

Loki groaned from the sack and Jele told him to shut up.

In the sack, Loki was sweating. The fabric of the sack was sticky and uncomfortable, and it was _hot_ , but what wouldn't he do for freedom?

Jele walked out into the yard and stopped by the cart. Loki wondered what was going on since nobody started loading the sacks, then he heard Jele's voice.

"Where's the seed cart?"

A deep voice answered:

"We only ship wheat today, sir."

"But... but there's supposed to be seeds!"

"Not today, my lord. I'm sorry."

Jele sighed and Loki's stomach clenched. The plan wasn't working.

"Loki!"

Jele's whisper barely reached him. He hummed quietly and Jele whispered:

"When I slap my thigh, you have about three seconds to get out of the sack and crawl into the wheat on the cart."

Before Loki could protest, Jele walked away and spoke to the salesman. Suddenly, Loki heard the smack of a hand on a thigh and he hurriedly pulled the sack open and crawled out and into the huge hay stack on the hay wagon. After a few seconds, Jele crawled in there too and made sure they were both covered.

"You alright?" Jele whispered as the wagon started moving and Loki hummed a yes.

"Good."

They sat in silence for hours until the wagon suddenly stopped. Loki frowned, they couldn't be in the harbour already, could they?

They heard talking and then suddenly a spear was shoved into the hay and missed Loki's head by inches. He flinched but was quiet.

The spear was pulled out and another one was pushed in, this time in the other part of the stack, and Jele wasn't as lucky. The spear went right through his abdomen and he let out a barely audible grunt when whoever it was pulled the spear out again. Loki swallowed and met Jele's eyes. They heard someone say that it was clear and the wagon started rolling again.

They stayed in their positions. If only Jele could stay alive for a few hours they could find help in the harbour...

But a few hours later, Jele let out a sound like a mouse being stepped on and drew a last shuddering breath before the life left his eyes. He was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it's part of Ragnarök isn't it  
> and what kind of weird old norse story wouldn't have ragnarök  
> yeah
> 
>  
> 
> ...
> 
> I'm still sorry


	37. Marriage?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were utterly unprepared for this...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay are you serious  
> 500 kudos  
> wat
> 
> guys... 507 people stopped by, read, and left kudos  
> And I love every single one of you<3
> 
> Kudos only take a second to leave and helps A LOT (doesn't make me feel like what I write is bullshit, for example), and guests can leave them too, so if you like it, please press dat button (it's a nice button, press it)
> 
> So, I've got a few more chapters done and am currently working on 41 (yippie, forty chapters), so as long as I can I'm going to update EVERY WEDNESDAY. :3
> 
> Thanks, as always, for patience, kudos, comments and any feedback, good or bad, that you can give me:3   
> Without further ado, chapter 37.

"Thor said I am pregnant-"

"Thor is about as educated on the subject as a fish, my dear. You are not, by any chance, pregnant."

You nodded to Eir and looked away. You were at your daily examination with the healer, who checked your weight and mental state every afternoon to make sure you were alright.

"It does feel like it, though..."

"If you were pregnant, darling, you would be feeling different. Trust me."

You sighed and nodded. When the healer nodded, you jumped down from the counter on which you had been sitting and walked out, but she stopped you in the doorway.

"The queen wants to see you."

You swallowed. Not good.

You made your way to the throne room and knocked the door twice before opening it and stepping in. The queen was in her throne, but when she saw you she stepped down and walked over to you.

"I thought Eir told you to stop sleeping around with Thor."

You swallowed. Bad start...

"I..." you started, but what would you say?

"I've heard that you're now carrying his child. I do not fancy girls like you whoring around with my sons, girl. I suggest you stay away from them. When the child is born, you will have it killed. You are pulling shame over the royal family, the only reason I'm permitting you to stay is my husband wants it."

"I'm not pregnant..." you muttered and the queen frowned.

"I've heard so from my son himself. Are you suggesting a royal would lie? What is your word against a prince?"

She had raised her voice and it wasn't good. She was screaming at you to get out of the castle when the doors flew open and Thor barged in.

"Mother! Let the poor woman be!"

He jogged over to you and pulled you close.

"Are you alright, love?"

You nodded and pulled away from him. No use teasing the queen... And if you showed her that Thor was the one who wanted it perhaps she wouldn't be mad at you.

"Stay away from my son." she said and left the room. You shivered and looked at Thor.

"Why did you tell her I'm pregnant?"

"Because you are, you must be! You're just like mother was when she carried Loki!"

"How much older than Loki are you...?"

He frowned.

"Almost five years, why?"

You whistled lowly.

"I thought you were perhaps one or two years older, but not five!"

Thor chuckled.

"Loki is so immature it's hard to see a difference."

"You mean you're so childish it's hard to see a difference," you corrected him with a mischievous smile and he laughed and agreed.

You walked the rest of the day with worry gnawing at your stomach. What were you going to do?

You found yourself wishing that Loki was there, even though you had decided not to think of him or miss him. He was gone and he wasn't coming back, and that's why you were with Thor. You simply couldn't deal with sleeping alone, but with Thor you had someone, even though it may not be your person of interest. And you didn't have to be so alone if Thor was there, did you?

You laid on the bed in your quarters and remembered the first night you had spent there with Loki.

_You smiled and entered the room when Loki opened the door, then stopped and looked at the bed. You remembered the last time he had been there; it was the night when you had nightmares and you had awoken to see him in your bed. You had been awfully angry at him and sent him away._

_Loki snaked his arms around your waist and whispered something in your ear, though you didn’t hear it as you were still lost in thought; he kissed the side of your neck and sent a shiver rippling through your body._

_He led you over to the bed and let you fall onto it, then laid down next to you and took you in his arms. You laid your head on his shoulder and let him fondle your hips, his hands trailing slowly to your upper thighs, then your sides. Finally he traced a finger across your stomach, following the edge of your trousers._

_He placed a finger under your chin and lifted your face, leaning in to kiss you; you kissed him back, even though your mind was positively raging. You lifted your hands to caress his sides and he flipped you over so that you were straddling him. You felt his hardness through his trousers and ignored the jolt of fear that shot through your body as you kissed him again, this time with more passion._

_‘Feeding the wolf, feeding the wolf, feeding the wolf, hungry wolf, hungry wolf…’_

_Loki sat up so that you sat on his lap, now caressing your back. You mirrored his actions and heard him grunt; his left arm’s intensity ceased and you stopped fondling his shoulder. All of a sudden you realized what you were doing and quickly pulled away. Loki’s eyes immediately locked with yours, filled with… was that fear?_

_You sighed and hugged him, resting your head on his shoulder; he returned it though his entire body was tense, you could sense his concern. Was he that afraid to hurt you?_

_“I am so sorry, darling. It will never happen again, I swear.” he whispered into your ear._

_“Loki…” you answered, but you didn’t know what to say. You loved this, it felt good and it felt right, but something was tugging at the back of your mind. “Loki, I…” you tried to continue but failed._

_“Don’t. I will leave now,” Loki said and started to pull out of your embrace, but you held him tighter in a desperate attempt to keep him with you._

_“Loki, I actually liked it.”_

A tear rolled down your cheek as you remembered his lips against yours, the warmth you felt when he held you near, the feeling of falling asleep in his arms... Thor could never achieve that, you realized, and that was because you didn't love him like you loved Loki.

"Darling?"

You buried your head in the pillow and ignored Thor as he walked towards the bed, his steps soft.

"Are you alright?"

You whimpered into the pillow and nodded. He sat down next to you.

"Are you sure?"

You swallowed and shook your head and he laid down and pulled you close, and somehow that was just what you needed; not Thor, but someone. Someone to hold you close and comfort you, a shoulder to cry on, a voice to listen to. Someone.

"Darling, what is wrong?"

You swallowed and buried your face in his chest. He urged you to answer.

"I miss him," you sobbed and he sighed and hugged you tighter.

"Me too, darling. Me too."

He held you near for a while, comforting you, and the silence was quite pleasant. Then he asked;

"What do you think the prisoner means by 'Ragnarök'?"

"I don't know," you replied and looked up. "But I'm rather sure it won't be pleasant. Do you know who he is?"

You had just realized Thor didn't know that it was Garm, the slave trader. He replied negatively.

"His name is Garm and he's a slave trader. He and his companion Bergel tried to kidnap and sell me once, but... But Loki saved me."

Thor was silent until he asked:

"That's what was happening those days you were out with him?"

"Yes."

He nodded slowly.

"I was afraid that Loki was trying to sell you. I wanted to make sure you were alive and well, that's why I was so over protective. Loki has been acting very... well, there is no word, but I think you know what he does to women, don't you?"

"I do. He has never harmed me, though."

"I know. He's in love with you. Actually..."

He hesitated.

"What?"

"He... he was planning to marry you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> niiiiiiiiiiice button....


	38. Just like the prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki has trouble finding his way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ- IMPORTANT  
> I've had a write stop for a while, not been able to cough up anything good or clear my mind. I'm writing chapter 42 right now, though, so it's a few weeks before it's trouble XD just wanted to warn you XD
> 
> Also, I've started working on a little thing, a Tom/Reader fic which I don't have a good name for yet XD  
> But if you feel like it, tell me (comment, guests can too), and I'll upload the first chapter when my beta sends it back :3  
> Otherwise I'll probably finish the entire thing before I upload.
> 
> There was something else that was important but someone messaged me on facebook so I lost it XD
> 
> hmm  
> ffs it was important 
> 
> idk XD i've forgotten it, I'll probably add it later XD
> 
> Another thing, though; in the next chapter a huge thing will happen and I swear to god if I get one comment saying "this is out of character" I will cut someone  
> This is AU, it's my story and I do whatever the fuck I want with it XDDD  
> Okay? It's AU, it's not meant to be in character XD
> 
> If you dislike the change you're welcome to stop reading but I promise it's not worth it stopping now XD
> 
> As always, thank you <3 for support, for kudos, for comments<3

Loki groaned and opened his eyes when the wagon jolted. The erratic movement of the cart made it nigh impossible to sleep, but he still tried. He'd had little—if any—sleep and no food or water in two days but he knew they should be in the harbour any time now, and that was good, because he had barely moved in two days.

He swallowed and tried to stretch his long legs, but failed. Wrinkling his nose at the stench of the dead body next to him, he closed his eyes and a long straw of hay poked his eyelid.

There was one thing that was rather peculiar about Jele's corpse: there was barely any blood. Sure, he'd bled a little while alive, but he'd covered the wound with his shirt and the shirt had actually absorbed almost all the blood. Not a drop had escaped the hay stack. Loki held back a cough and froze as he heard the driver loudly wonder if someone was there.

Now, he didn't travel without stop; he stopped every night for food and rest, but Loki hadn't dared sneak out to steal some food and risk being caught. He deeply regretted not taking the chance last night, as it was now midday and his stomach was twisting. He remembered a book he'd read which described how a prisoner had fed off his dead friend to survive, but he couldn't do that, especially not to Jele. Human flesh wasn't a favourite of his.

After a while, Loki became aware of the salty smell of the sea. Almost an hour later he heard seagulls and a while after that the clattering of the horse’s hooves indicated the state of the road had changed from dirt to cobblestone. A stench of fish reached him through the hay and the wagon came to a halt. Guards were spoken to and Loki started smiling, soon he would be free...

The creaking of the great wooden doors that separated the harbour from the rest of the land reached his ears and the wagon rolled in, the loud din from the city suddenly rising in volume.

The voices of the salesmen and women broke through the talking and creaking of wagons, some were advertising fish or dairy products, others dry goods. His stomach churned as he heard them call out the freshness and taste of their products...

The wagon came to a halt and voices were heard. Loki realised he never considered how to get out. He'd only focused on getting here, and in his weak shape he wasn't in the condition to run. He frowned and tried to think of a plan; a piece of hay poked him in the eye again. He groaned lowly and shifted his head, and then he heard a voice cut through the fresh sea air:

"Fresh ale of Asgard, royal ale, fresh from the north!"

Somebody sold ale from Asgard, and it definitely was an Asgardian salesman because there was no hint of the traditional lilting accent of Heidmar. He smiled and tried to part the hay to see out.

He was in the corner of one of the smaller marketplaces of the harbour, the one for beverages. Right next to him was the salesman from Asgard. He was rather tall but chubby, wearing simple dark green clothes and a bag over his shoulder. If he could gain his attention... But just as he was about to whisper something the salesman turned away to speak to a customer and Loki cursed before crawling out of the haystack, brushing some hay off his shoulders and looking around to see if someone noticed him, but thankfully it was a rather busy day. He scratched his shoulder and drew his fingers through his uncombed hair. To the left was the quay and to the right the rest of the market.

"Aye, you look just like the prince of ours!"

Loki turned to see the salesman and a friend of his smiling at him. He swallowed.

"Me?"

"Aye, though you seem a bit outta shape."

He shrugged.

"Have a free beer, mate."

He offered Loki a mug of ale, the fumes of the beverage intoxicating. He nodded a thank you and took the mug, his body aching for the cold liquid. He emptied the mug in one go and set it on the counter.

"Thirsty fella, aye? What's yer name?"

"Loki," said Loki and held back a burp in the same breath. The men both raised their eyebrows and the salesman whispered to his friend, "that's peculiar." Loki arched his eyebrow with a smirk and the friend flinched.

Should he tell them he was the prince? They obviously believed he was some homeless man and when he came to think of it he realised he must look like one. His hair was a mess, he hadn't shaved for days, he had black rings under his eyes from lack of sleep... And his clothes were tattered, he was slim and had lost a lot of his muscle from the lack of training, his hair had grown quite a bit... He looked wild.

His stomach rumbled loudly and the salesman smiled at him.

"Hungry, are ye?"

Loki nodded vigorously.

"Not muchova talker, are ya?"

Loki pressed his lips together but nodded. The sailor's accent was killing him. The salesman opened the bag he had over his shoulder and threw Loki a sandwich.

"There ya go, ya need it more than I and I ain't fonda ham anyway."

He shivered when he breathed the smell of newly baked bread.He realised this must be how the poor children on the streets felt, those whom he had turned down when they begged the palace for help, those that his soldiers had driven away. He swallowed. There were children who felt this hunger constantly, who didn't have a bed to sleep in and servants to wait them...

_'But what do they matter to you?'_

He frowned and took a bite of the sandwich. The bread was a little tough but the sweet taste made up for that, and the combination of ham and cheese worked perfectly. He savoured the first bite before swallowing it and immediately taking a new one.

"Where ya belong, lad?" asked the salesman while watching him eating. Loki frowned; he shouldn't be speaking like that to a prince! Then, again, the man didn't know who he was talking to.

"Asgard," he mumbled through the sandwich. The salesman's friend nodded.

"What ye doin here, then? Came on a ship?"

He nodded slowly and swallowed another bite but didn't answer the man's question. He was just about to turn and walk away when the salesman said:

"There's a ship leavin' for Asgard in a couple hours."

Loki smiled and nodded.

"What is your name, good sir?" he asked, with intentions to reward the man if he ever came home.

"Eriksson. Leif Eriksson."

Loki raised his eyebrows and nodded. Did he share names with the famous explorer or was this _the_  Leif Eriksson? The adventurer who had discovered Vinland? He walked away, deep in thought.

The quay was broad and filled with people who were walking around, buying or selling things in shops and stands. Children were running around with toys and playing. The stench of fish hung over the entire street and the strong wind brought a smell of food from a nearby inn. Loki's hair got caught in the wind and he noted that he needed to cut it. He felt utterly inept in the surroundings, clothes torn and hair snarled. Waves were crashing against the shore and the ships, which lay moored to the pier with ropes as thick as Loki's thighs.

"Neatly, now, boys!"

Loki frowned, he knew that voice. He followed the sound of it towards a ship while swallowing the last of the sandwich and found the royal trading officer of Asgard, Erik Sturlissón. Loki smiled as he realized this man must recognise him and he'll lose his job (and his life) if he doesn't offer Loki help. Now confident, Loki walked up to him. Recognition and uncertainty flashed in the officer's face when he saw Loki.

"What you want, lad?" he asked and Loki smirked.

"Good morning, officer. When does the ship leave and to where?"

Sturlissón frowned.

"In a few hours, Asgard, but we're droppin' some stuff off in Vanaheim first. Why?"

Loki grimaced.

"Change of plans, officer. Straight to Asgard. I have business."

"And who do ye think ye are?"

Loki flinched.

"Can't you see who I am?"

The man shrugged.

"Ye sure look like someone I know, but yer too lanky and yer hair is far too long. Look at ye, lad, yer no royalty, to say the least."

Loki drew breath.

"I am! Haven't you heard how I was attacked? I was kidnapped! Now, let me come home or I'll have you beheaded!"

Sturlissón shook his head with a pitiful smile.

"Sorry, lad. I know the prince, he wouldn't let himself sink so deep. I mean, did ye look in a mirror recently?"

Loki turned and walked away, trying to hide his desperation. He sat down on the edge of the pier and looked out over the sea. Somewhere, far away, his lady was waiting. Or was she? She loved him, surely she must be missing him?

Because she did love him, she'd said so. He smiled when he thought of her. He could see her in front of him, her beautiful eyes, her soft lips... He still faintly remembered kissing her, her lips against his, the fire that burnt in his chest whenever he held her close... Closing his eyes, he remembered her body against his, her voice, her hands on his skin...

He never heard them approach from behind. He just knew that in one moment he was still sitting on the pier, in the other he was falling, and then he was in the cold water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blub blub


	39. Nothing is ever what it seems to be, is it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You had never believed it, never imagined it could be like this. Never thought he could do that.  
> Never thought he would do that to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I know, I know.  
> I haven't posted in eternities.   
> In my defence, I was away two weeks ago and the latest week has been horrible. I was seconds from actually killing myself this Tuesday but thanks to a precious friend of mine I'm still alive, but barely. Like, I'm so deep in the ocean the sun doesn't reach me, and I don't have a flashlight.
> 
> You guys, my girlfriend and that friend are the flickering lights of my dark reality and fuck it, they're weak, but they're enough- I hope. The only reason I've lived so far is that I couldn't bear leaving my girlfriend alone in this fucked up world...
> 
> Some of you will wave these notes away, call me an attention whore or whatever, and sure, do it. All I'm doing is explain why I haven't opened my computer in two weeks.
> 
> Next week I'll be away again, but I'll try to post anyway.
> 
> Thank you, as always, for kudos, comments and reads, for being there, for throwing your praise upon me when I feel I don't deserve the dirt on your shoes.
> 
> Now, enjoy the most disgusting chapter yet. XD

You didn't quite know how to handle the information. Loki wanted to marry you. Your first question was why, of course. He had said he didn't want marriage. Had he lied or changed his mind?

You sighed. Everything was so confusing! Why weren't Eir's treatments working, why would you never get a night's sleep without those horrible nightmares, why did the castle guards suddenly patrol outside your quarters, why had the queen stopped showing up for dinner, why were you still with Thor...?

You knew the answer to a few of the questions: Loki was the only one who had ever relieved you from your nightmares, the guards were patrolling on Frigga's orders to make sure you weren't still with Thor, but of course Thor was there. He used the secret ladder between Loki's room and yours, pretending he missed his brother so much he paid visits to his quarters. And you were still with Thor because otherwise you would be utterly alone with your memories and your maniac brain, and you trusted neither. You had already tried taking your life twice, Thor wouldn't let it happen again. You suspected the guards might be there for that reason too.

Still, who did you want? What if Loki returned? Could you ever choose?

You shivered. Thor…he was just a distraction, someone to hold you when you were alone, but what if you had some kind of feelings for him? Could you stay with him for your whole life?

_'No, you can't. He's the crown prince, he needs to marry a princess. Both of you know that.'_

You sighed. It was true... so what would you do if Loki never came back, if Thor had to leave you? Where would you go?

The questions made you dizzy; you laid down on the bed and Thor followed you immediately.

"Did anyone ever tell you how cute you are when you lose yourself in thought?" asked the prince.

You sighed. Loki did.

Thor kissed your cheek and pulled you closer.

"I love you," he murmured and you swallowed. Did you love him back? You had thrown the word around so much you had trouble understanding its meaning now, but when you pondered it you knew. Love was what you felt for Loki. But Thor... he was very dear to you, but not quite in the same way. Not love... You swallowed again.

"I love you too," you lied, stomach clenching.

_'Oh, what happened to the lady I knew? All of a sudden she's laying with men and lying and playing, what happened to the lady I knew?'_ your mind complained by singing an old song that was often played at inns and pubs by jesters and fiddlers. You rolled your eyes and your mind continued:

_'What happened to the lady I knew, she who lay in the sun in the dew, she who never would lie, never cheat or betray, but now she has changed, what happened to the lady I knew?'_

Biting your lip, you looked up at Thor. It was in moments like these you needed him close. No, you needed Loki close, but Loki wasn't there, so you took what you had... Thor.

You reached up and kissed him softly and he pulled you closer, one warm hand on your hip. Loki would have his whole arm around you, his slender fingers resting between your shoulder blades... He wouldn't lay his face that close either, he would be a little further away, watching you in that special way of his, and when you met his gaze he would smile that perfect little smile that never was far from a smirk and tell you something that made you blush, and then he'd pull you closer and kiss you softly, in that gentle way that let you decide if you wanted to take it further or pull away, and whatever you chose to do he would always accept it and adapt to your mood. Thor wasn't nearly as gentle and caring with you; he would do what he wanted and didn't read you as well.

You sighed as you remembered Loki's lips against yours. Soft, gentle, but with the hunger and lust just around the corner, waiting to rush forward at your command, and if you gave it... The way he would obey and make your knees weak with just his kisses, just the way he kissed you, and then he would touch you and his hands would make you his. And then he would stare into your eyes and the passion, the lust, the raw hunger, would make you crave for his touch, and then he would push you down on the bed, hurried and desperate for you, but always so gentle...

You let out a little moan when you imagined Loki's fingers on you and Thor, who had been fondling your hip, took it as encouragement. You frowned when he grabbed your butt to push you against his half erect shaft and tried to wiggle away but he held you harder and kissed you again. You made a sound and tried to get away, but he held you too hard... He swung his leg over your body and rolled on top of you, starting to tug at your dress. You tried hitting him to make him understand that you didn't want anything, but he ignored you. He broke the kiss for a moment and you screamed straight out. He immediately clapped a hand over your mouth, whispering that they shouldn't find them, and you bit his finger. He slapped you, fury now flashing in his eyes.

"Do _not_ deny me, woman, or I will have you thrown out of the very castle!"

You swallowed and looked back at him. There was nothing you could do, he was going to force himself on you... You closed your eyes as he undressed you but didn't cry until he was done with you and left you shaking and bleeding on your bed. Only then did you allow yourself to cry.

You rolled over and gasped in pain, hugging the pillow and crying out your pain into it. Your cheek was throbbing with pain, it would surely be swollen tomorrow. You couldn't tell anyone, you would be accused yourself, you would be thrown out or killed, and he knew that you knew. From now on, he could do whatever he wanted to you. Never in your life had you been so scared.

You fell asleep eventually, your abdomen still throbbing in pain.

_You were walking along the beach, hand in hand with Thor, when Loki came running up to you. He was crying, accusing you of betrayal, angry with you for not staying loyal to him. Thor, being bigger and stronger, ushered him away and pushed you down, and suddenly you were back on the bed, he was inside you, it hurt... He chuckled lowly as he saw his seed mixing with your blood..._

Your eyes flew open and you looked around in fear. Nobody was there... It was dark, probably in the middle of the night, and cold. It was snowing outside, again; it had been now and then for months. A thick layer of snow lay over the castle grounds and the children of the village built snowmen and had snowball wars, and you wished you could be back to where you were a year ago; happily oblivious to all of this, living in your little house with your mother and stepfather and your pretty little sister, walking around with Jele, playing with the children, cooking and cleaning... But no, here you were, raped and used by a palace prince, the one who wasn't supposed to do such things, while your prince was far away, perhaps never going to come back, and what would you do? Be Thor's whore for the rest of your life?

Thor, whom you had trusted, cared for...

You shook your head and remembered something. You hadn't chewed any of the leaves after Thor had taken you. Crawling out of bed, you found the little wooden box and quickly chewed down some leaves. You were shivering with cold and your entrance and cheek were still thobbing with pain.  Dried blood and body fluids were stained across your thighs. You sighed, and, tired and hurt, crawled back into bed, pulled the covers over your body and fell back asleep, crying.


	40. Going home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Loki is going home...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY  
> I'VE HAD LIKE  
> A /LOT/  
> TO DO AND STUFF  
> AND I'VE FELT SO BAD AND I LIKE CRIED FOR HOURS TODAY BECAUSE FML  
> I'M SORRY FOR NOT POSTING
> 
>  
> 
> I LOVE YOU<3

He resurfaced, spitting out the salty water. After taking a deep breath, he looked up, but saw nobody by the edge of the pier. It must be a good four metres high. He drew another shuddering breath and pondered what to do; calling for help wasn't an option, it would be humiliating. But he would die if he didn't get out of here, either from cold or from being crushed by one of the ships.

Thankfully, he didn't have to call for help. Somebody had seen him; the Asgardian salesman's friend.

"Oi, mate, ye need help or takin' a bath?"

"What do you think?" spat Loki while fighting to stay above the surface; having no energy, he could barely stay up. The man chuckled and threw a rope in for him. Loki eyed the rope suspiciously.

"Mate, it ain't made a' snakes. Come on!"

He swam over there and grabbed the rope. The man grunted and groaned while pulling him up, but he did it rather easily thanks to Loki's light weight.

When Loki climbed over the edge, the man sat down and glanced at him.

"What're ya jumpin' in there for?"

"I was pushed," answered Loki curtly. The man arched an eyebrow but didn't comment it, instead rolled up the rope while Loki looked over his soaked clothes.

"What was yer name again, mate?"

"Loki."

"Loki what?"

Loki sighed.

"Odinsson."

"Really? Ye don't look like no royalty, mate."

"I know, I was kidnapped and held prisoner for months. I escaped a few days ago but I can't get home, because I have no money and nobody would believe that I'm the prince."

"I do."

"You do?"

"Yeah, wife o' mine raised ya. I know how ye look. And ye don't talk like the usual mate."

Loki nodded. He'd had a lot of maids in his childhood, all of them giving up on him in the end; it was very much possible that this man's wife had been one of them.

"Can you help me get home?" he asked hopefully.

"Nah, I don't got much money and sure as hell no ship, but I can convince Officer Sturlissón over there that ye need a ride."

"Their trip will take too long, I need to go straight to Asgard."

"And so ye will, mate. Sturlissón owes me a favour."

"Where from?" asked Loki with a smirk. Oh, if he could catch Sturlissón with forbidden activities...

"Calm yerself, mate, there ain't no gamblin' here. I saved his life once."

Loki grimaced, then realised the man hadn't introduced himself. He frowned.

"What's your name, sir?" he asked and emphasised the last word to make the man understand.

"Karl."

"Karl, what?" asked Loki with a smirk and Karl chuckled.

"Karl Karlsson, and if ye ever gimme shit for that you'll regret bein' born," he laughed. Loki couldn't hold the smile in. He realised this man, despite knowing who Loki was, addressed him as no more than a friend. What was even stranger was that Loki didn't mind it.

"Where are you going, Karl?" he asked. Karl sighed.

"Nowhere, I can't afford going home. I help Leif selling his ale but it won't get me far.”

"Doesn't Leif own a ship?"

"Yeah, but it got into a storm, and it looks more like a wreck now."

"Sad to hear."

A rather pleasant silence fell. Loki wondered what to say. Just as he had settled on saying that he needed to go and try to convince Sturlissón again, Karl spoke.

"Are ye gon' marry that girl o' yours?"

Loki smiled, warmth spreading in his chest. His lady... Yes, he was. Or, if she wanted to. Otherwise he would be just fine with living next to her. But he wanted to tie her to him forever, to make sure that they belong together, to know that she will always be his.

"Yes."

"That's beautiful, mate. When's the weddin'?"

"I haven't proposed to her yet..."

"Ye should do so, mate. She loves ye. It's in the way she looks at ye, ye know. And I can see from that ridiculous smile o' yers that ye love her too."

Karl smirked and patted his back.

"That's great, mate. Marry a girl ye love, not some princess. Love ain't political. Remember that."

"I will," Loki replied and stared out across the ocean at the horizon. He missed her...

"Have you been in Asgard recently?" he asked Karl, hoping for news on his lady's wellbeing.

"Last I saw she was cryin' on the shoulder of yer brother. He was cryin' too, mind ye. They both miss ye."

Loki's stomach sank as he remembered Thor's silent promise to steal her from him. He swallowed.

"She's not... not with him, right?"

"I dunno, she's spendin' a lotta time with him... But who else would she go to?"

Loki nodded, a lump of lead forming in the pit of his stomach. As long as she wasn't with Thor, as long as he hadn't taken her...

"But now, mate, now ye need to get on that ship!"

Loki nodded and stood with Karl, who patted his back.

"Yer gon' get home, mate."

He smiled uncertainly. Sturlissón wasn't an easy man. Karl walked him over to the officer, who eyed Loki with disgust in his eyes.

"You, back again?"

Karl snorted.

"Let it off, lad, this mate's yer prince."

"And I'm the queen," laughed Sturlissón.

"Nah, yer not pretty enough for that, mate."

Sturlissón failed to hold back a smile.

"Alright, what do ye want?"

Karl smiled and patted Loki's back.

"Yer gonna take this fella home, yer gonna feed 'im and give 'im clothes and take 'im straight to Asgard, and if ye don't Imma make sure yer kids won't get no siblings, got it?"

The officer rolled his eyes and started talking about Vanaheim but Karl broke him off.

"Yer kids don't want no siblings?"

"Alright, alright, I'll do it, but yer gonna pay for this!"

"No more than I already paid, ye old pig!"

Sturlissón shook his head but waved for Loki to board the ship. He turned to thank Karl, but the man smiled and patted his back again.

"Ye get home and marry yer girl and make sure I get to the wedding, mate. Good luck."

He nodded, making a mental note to teach Karl proper language before letting him enter the castle. He boarded the ship and Sturlissón followed.

"I'll assume ye are the prince, then," he muttered and led Loki to a large cabin in the back of the ship while continuing. "So yer not gonna have to work for this..."

Loki smiled and thanked him.

"Clothes in the closet, food when the bell rings, do what the men say or you'll be thrown overboard, prince or not."

Loki nodded and the officer left him alone. He resisted throwing himself on the bed and stripped his clothes off, dried himself with a horribly ugly tunic he found in the closet before looking for something to wear. He found a green tunic that wasn't far too big for him and matched it with a thick leather sash which he wore around his waist. He found a pair of black leather trousers which fit him close to perfectly; if he weren't so thin from lack of food they wouldn't have fit around his thighs. He muttered something about sailor's clothes before finally laying down. After a deep sigh, he closed his eyes and in seconds he was asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I've posted a new fic called "Tea Guy". It's the best I've ever written and I've had two people read it; both loved it. It's worth giving a chance, it sets my heart on fire. I hate myself. GOGOGO<3 http://archiveofourown.org/works/1968300/chapters/4259790


	41. Longing and luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You could not believe your luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooooooo....... another week, another chapter...  
> This is the last finished chapter I have. I don't write. I haven't written fanfiction in ages, I haven't mustered up the strength and will to even look at it. I'm sorry.
> 
> I don't know how long it'll take for me to finish the next chapter .-. I'm doing my best, people... I'm sorry for sucking at wanting to live.
> 
> On the other hand, I've got a full story done. Tea Guy.  
> You can find it on my profile :3 It's a story about you and how you met Tom Hiddleston.  
> I let some people read it and they thought it was lovely. It's the best work I've ever done, so feel free to read it. I upload a new chapter every week.

You woke early, the sun wasn't quite up when you looked out through the window. You looked yourself over and shivered at the sight of blood and bodily fluids all over your thighs; when you could finally face looking at yourself in the mirror, you found your cheek — as predicted — swollen and red. You sighed and decided to take a bath; if it could not rid you of this horrible feeling, at least it could wash the blood away.

You winced when you stepped into the tub. You were sore after Thor's monstrous actions and when you sat down you noticed bruises shaped like Thor's fingers on your hips. You sighed again and closed your eyes.

How did it turn out like this? Thor wasn't the kind of man to do this, he was the nice brother, the future king, the one to trust. Loki was supposed to be the evil one, the one who bought women and used them, the thief, the monster. The sad truth was hard to face.

 _'Loki,'_ you found yourself thinking. _'Loki, please, come back to me. You're the only one who can help me. You're the only one who can stop this madness. Do not forget about me.'_

And you thought you heard Loki chuckle softly.

_'Never. Never in a million years could I forget about you. You are my everything, the reason I wake up with a smile in the morning and the reason I go to bed happy every night. I could never, ever forget about you.'_

You smiled faintly.

_'Come back to me.'_

_'I will. I love you.'_

"I love you too," you whispered.

You wondered where he was, if he was awake. Wondered if he was thinking of you. Somewhere, deep down, your mind spoke to you with Loki's voice.

_'I'm always thinking about you.'_

You smiled and asked:

_'Did you go far away?'_

_'There is no distance big enough to keep me away from you, darling. I miss you every minute I am gone, from the second I leave you to the second I come back, but do not forget that I will return. Nothing can keep us apart, love.'_

You smiled in recognition at those words. He had said them to you before.

_'I told you I love you before, too.'_

You smiled even wider. To some extent, he was back already. You didn't even care if you were mad, this was a comfortable mad. A good madness.

You washed yourself off, wincing when you scraped Thor's dried seed off your inner thigh. Loki used to kiss those spots... Would he ever be able to touch you without hurting you after this? Your own fingers caused you to flinch and pull away. Would Loki's touch be the same?

You sighed and looked at your body. Would he even want you? Your weight had shot to the skies, even though you didn't eat much, and your stomach kept growing. You were still feeling peculiar, but Eir told you all this was because of your depression, so you trusted her. After all, she was the royal healer, she should know these things.

You got out of the bath and dried yourself quickly. There were blood stains on the towel when you were done. You cursed lowly; the servants would notice. Although you could always say it was your monthly bleeding; it had played games with you and you had barely bled at all during the months Loki was gone. Eir said that, too, was a result of your depression. Everything seemed to be caused by your depression. You sighed and dressed in as thick clothing as possible; trousers and jumper. You planned to pay Awah a visit.

You had sneaked through the entire castle and were by the front doors when you heard Thor shout your name. Your heart sank.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked and you swallowed. He was far away, you could run...

You wrenched the door open and ran.

You ran to the left, towards the stables, knowing if you were fast enough he wouldn't see where you went. You heard an angry shout from behind and sped up, entering the stables at a far too high speed. You ran back into the castle through a side door and leaned against a wall while catching your breath.

Then you felt his hand around your wrist.

"Why do you run?" asked the prince. "I'm faster."

You swallowed and replied,

"Why do you do this to me?"

"Because for once, Loki shall be the one to have his heart broken..." Thor smirked.

"And you took that out over an innocent woman?"

He hit you again, over the same cheek, and you whimpered in pain but did not give him the satisfaction of seeing you flinch.

"Do not talk back to me, woman!" he spat, a little saliva hitting your skin. You swallowed again.

"Please, Thor..." you begged. He ignored you and started pulling you away, undoubtedly to perform more horrible actions on you, but you were saved by the queen herself.

"What did I tell you about seducing my son?"

She was mad at you, yes, but you would much rather have her rage than Thor. Thor immediately let you go and you saw his face shift from rage to fear. You smirked; he was afraid of his own mother.

The queen walked up to you.

"While Loki was here I had nothing against you, but you shall not drag Thor's name to the dirt as well!"

You swallowed and nodded.

"And Thor," she continued and turned to him. "Do not sink to such levels as to accompany a peasant!"

"Yes, mother," he nodded.

Frigga ushered you away and you nodded and hurried back into the stables, not believing your luck. You didn't come back to the castle that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kinda know this chapter sucks, im sorry


	42. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS C:
> 
> SO many kudos, so many comments, so many kind words!
> 
> We've reached the end of this story. It's been an amazing ride, truly. I'm glad to have done this and gone through all of this with you. It's been nine months of joy to write, to post, to get feedback from all of you, to read your kind words and realise what an amazing audience I've found for my work. Thank you. 
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter is boring as fuck, but hey: I'm already writing the epilogue and sequel. 
> 
> Love, Karro333

Loki's eyes fluttered open. He was staring into the wooden ceiling of his little cabin.

The little bed he was laying on creaked when he rolled over. On a small chest of drawers next to the bed somebody had left a note and a small bottle with a transparent solution in it. He picked up the bottle and sat up, the bed creaking again. Turning the bottle, he noticed the solution was rather thick and flowed slowly. He suspected it was against seasickness and the note confirmed it. He snorted and got up, only then realising how much the ship swayed from one side to another. He stumbled across the little room and opened the door.

He was below the main deck in some kind of common room with doors to other cabins. In the middle, steep wooden stairs led up to the main deck and below them was a table with playing cards and a few bottles of ale on it. Loki walked up the creaking stairs, almost falling as the ship swayed.

The sun was blinding. There was not a cloud in sight but the winds were strong; Loki had to use all his strength not to get caught in the wind and fall over. He recalled the last time he was on a ship with a painful grimace- it had not been a successful mission- but managed a smile as Officer Sturlissón walked over to him.

"Seasick, are ye?" he asked and Loki shook his head. The sailor nodded slowly.

"There's food for ye in the galley," he continued and pointed.

_'Great, more stairs,'_ thought Loki but walked over there, leaning to the right so the wind wouldn't catch him. After climbing down more steep stairs he found himself in the kitchen.

"Oi, mate, ya hungry, are ya?" asked a boy in white. Loki bit back the poisonous reply and resisted the urge to scold the boy for talking like that to a prince; instead, he nodded and sat down, waiting for the boy to serve him. After a while, the boy still had not moved. He turned to him and asked,

"Aren't you supposed to serve me?"

The boy eyed him suspiciously.

"No, why would I? I don't serve my mates, I don't even serve Sturli."

"Well, I happen to be of a higher rank than Officer Sturlissón-" started Loki, but the boy interrupted him. He blew his black hair out of his face and scratched his cheek. He couldn't be older than fifteen, thought Loki. Perhaps he was the son of the cook, sometimes they would help their parents in their work to learn better.

"What are ye, then, lord I'm-so-important?" he asked fiercely and crossed his arms. Loki stood, towering over the boy.

"What's your name?" he asked quietly. The boy stared angrily into his eyes.

"Karl."

"Karl," repeated Loki. "I am Loki of Asgard, son of Odin, and if you do not serve me with the best food you have on this goddamn ship I will personally make sure you regret it."

He said it lowly, quietly, in a way that would scare most men halfway to death, but Karl stood still, glaring at Loki.

"I will not serve some street scum!" he exclaimed and just as Loki was about to attack him, he realised the young boy would easily beat him. He hadn't practiced for months, hadn't eaten for days. He was weak.

He grunted and fetched his own food.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Land ahoy!"

Loki groaned and turned over in his bed. He didn't care if they saw land, he wanted to sleep...

"Land ahoy!"

_Land ahoy._

He sat up and looked around for clothes, finding some on the floor. He glanced at himself in the mirror- he had shaved and regained his lost weight, cut his hair and practiced fighting with the sailors. He looked almost like no time at all had passed, but his heart ached at the thought of his lady. He walked out and up the stairs to get a glimpse of Asgard.

"We'll be there in an hour," said Sturlissón and stood behind him. "Listen... I'm sorry for treating you that way, my lord. I... I beg for your apology. Please, do not give me any consequences..."

Loki sighed. He could kill the man, torture him, have his family killed... Anything he wanted, as punishment for the man's behaviour. But the officer didn't deserve that.

"Officer," said Loki. "Do not be a coward and beg for mercy. It is alright, you will not be punished. I understand that you are not in an easy situation and have to admit that I would not have let myself on the ship. I thank you for your cooperation."

The officer hummed and left Loki alone by the railing. He breathed deeply, the fresh smell of the sea filling him up. He smiled a little as he thought he caught an imagined whiff of his lady's smell among the salty spray of the waves crashing against the ship as it advanced towards Asgard, to the harbour and the village and the castle... He could see its outline on the horizon. It was a few hours by horse between the castle and the harbour, but he wouldn't mind. He was the prince, after all; he could borrow the fastest horse they had.

Seagulls were shrieking above him and he smiled as he stepped off the ship. He still leaned a little to the left after the swaying of the ship, but soon managed to straighten his back and walk towards the nearest inn. He had a document in his hand that would assure the innkeeper that he was, indeed, the prince, and that he needed the strongest and fastest horse they had.

Half an hour later, he rode out of the town on a black mare by the name Hurricane. He incited the animal to run faster, anticipating to arrive at the castle in another hour.

As he rode, his stomach twisted itself. He worried that something had happened to his lady, that she was with Thor, that Thor had somehow hurt her...

_'Thor wouldn't do that,'_ he told himself, not believing a word. Thor might be a nice person, but he craved justice and revenge, and Loki had  stolen a lady from him just for the simple pleasure of breaking his heart... Knowing Thor, anything could have happened while Loki was gone.

He scolded himself for being so stupid, for waking up and walking out of the cottage that morning what felt like years ago, for leaving his lady alone. Why did he even leave?

He supposed he needed to talk to himself about her, about loving her. Because he did, endlessly, but it wasn't like him to simply... love. He wondered what it was about her that made her so loveable.

_'Well, look at her. She's beautiful. Not like the princesses, with their corsets and make-up. She has her own kind of pretty.'_

He smiled and nodded to himself.

_'And then listen to her, to her voice. It's beautiful. And the way she speaks, the words she use. She's not a princess, she doesn't talk like them. She talks like the villagers, freely and easily. She's not all fancy words._

_And it's the things she says, too! That she doesn't act like the other people, that she doesn't stay silent just because it is a woman's place. While anyone else would be silent and careful, she's not._

_She doesn't walk like the princesses, back straight and gaze at the far wall. She walks a little as she wants._

_And she smiles. She smiles whenever she wants, not when she's allowed to. She doesn't follow the rules at all. She's not a princess, she's as far from those as she could possibly be, she's happy, she's... free. She's not a princess. She's free.'_

_'Is that why I love her?'_ he asked himself. _'Because she's not a princess?'_

It took a while, but then the voice in his head answered,

_'Maybe it is.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, again<3


	43. Epilogue/Revenge teaser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an epilogue for Fear and a teaser for its sequel: Revenge.

Loki shrugged.

"I've already sworn to avenge you."

"I'm not dead!" you defended yourself.

Loki narrowed his eyes.

"Don't you want him punished for what he did to you?" he spat, now furious. You swallowed and took a small step back from him, towards the bed.

"I'm just..." you started and shivered as the memories of Thor's actions flashed past your eyes. You swallowed again and looked Loki in the eyes.

"I'm just glad he won't touch me again. The only reason I kept myself alive was that I knew you were coming back, and you are back now. I don't care about anything else," you explained.

Loki took a step forward and took your hands in his.

"And I do not care about anything but your well-being. You will not stop having those nightmares until Thor is out of the way. I want to do this because it's best for you," he said slowly, suddenly quiet and gentle.

"Do you want to know what's best for me?" you asked him softly. He nodded.

"To have you near," you said. He smiled and chuckled lowly before pressing his lips to yours in another sweet and loving kiss.You smiled into the kiss and pulled him closer, putting your arms around his neck. He laid his hands on your hips but stopped there, didn't move, didn't touch you- you didn't let him. It had been months and you still couldn't bear sleeping in the same bed as him. Not because it was him, but because he was a man. Thor was also a man. In this lonely castle in the far north, miles and miles away from Thor, you still didn't feel safe.

You wondered if you ever would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now it is over ;) Have fun waiting for Revenge.


End file.
